Sexual urges.

[Delmo]

How do I deal with the sexual urges that appears when I see a hot girl pass by? I can see banging her chould only lead to short time solutions, but the urges will comeback the next time I see a new hot women. How do i overcome this problem? 

[Psyche_92]

Do you watch porn?

[Delmo]

9 minutes ago, Psyche_92 said:

Do you watch porn?

Some times, when my sexual urge are too strong. 

[Psyche_92]

27 minutes ago, Delmo said:

Some times, when my sexual urge are too strong. 

How much do you watch on a weekly basis?

[Psyche_92]

27 minutes ago, Delmo said:

Some times, when my sexual urge are too strong. 

How much do you watch on a weekly basis?

[Delmo]

It depends when the urge arise. Some times 1-3 times a week, sometimes none. 

[Psyche_92]

2 hours ago, Delmo said:

It depends when the urge arise. Some times 1-3 times a week, sometimes none. 

Have you ever tried quitting porn and masturbation for a week?

[Delmo]

4 hours ago, Psyche_92 said:

Have you ever tried quitting porn and masturbation for a week?

I have tried to quit before, not for weeks but months. I don't remember the results though.  Are you saying the urges might be affected by pornography? In that case I'll quit it for a few weeks and see if the urges disappear or becomes less. 

[Shadowraix]

1 hour ago, Delmo said:

I have tried to quit before, not for weeks but months. I don't remember the results though.  Are you saying the urges might be affected by pornography? In that case I'll quit it for a few weeks and see if the urges disappear or becomes less. 

I don't think its ultimately that it will disappear but masturbation and pornography teaches one to give into the release of sexual urges. The more you do something the more you teach your body to expect it. So when you lack self-discipline in sexual urges you will find not being able to relieve them to be even more frustrating than before.

[Prabhaker]

16 hours ago, Delmo said:

How do i overcome this problem?

When sexual desire arises in you: simply watch it arising. It is throbbing in your body, it is moving in your mind, it is stirring fantasies in you - just watch, with neither condemnation nor indulgence. Just watch, and you will be surprised: the more watchful you become, the less power there is in the sexual urge. There comes a moment when you are fully aware; you have become a light unto yourself. In that moment the urge has completely disappeared. And, this is not repression - because you have not repressed the sexual urge. If you repress you will be getting into trouble. All repressed people sooner or later are bound to become insane. So this is not repression: you are not against the sexual urge, you don't have any attitude about it, you simply watch it. And by just watching, the energy changes its quality.

[XYZ]

Breathe deeply and relax your body, don't try to repress anything, recognize the sensations you feel without attaching any meaning or emotions to them, and simply let them pass, don't get attached. It's not a matter of balls versus brain, it's about becoming a whole person, not at war with yourself; you are not a slave to your libido, you are your libido.

The good thing about porn is you can always look it if you forget what a naked woman looks like, and don't feel the need to mentally undress every attractive female you observe. I quit fapping and watching porn, but I still like to look at softcore nudes, because beautiful female form is beautiful. Conversely it feels pointless to quit looking at such things on the computer completely since I might go outside and see equally arousing things right before me.

[Shodan]

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I quit fapping and watching porn, but I still like to look at softcore nudes, because beautiful female form is beautiful.

Doesn't that trigger you into full relapse? I think it takes helluva self discipline to stop chasing more explict material if you have already started looking at such nudes. Anytime I was peeking or let my imagination run wild led to my old habits soones or later, isn't that the case for you?

Quote

Conversely it feels pointless to quit looking at such things on the computer completely since I might go outside and see equally arousing things right before me.

I can't disagree more. Then why your intetion is to look after those things that makes you feel vunerable? Personally, I became pretty good at avoiding teasing my eyes. Usually I take a look in another direction, enjoy the surroundings or read a book.

[Delmo]

25 minutes ago, Shodan said:

I can't disagree more. Then why your intetion is to look after those things that makes you feel vunerable? Personally, I became pretty good at avoiding teasing my eyes. Usually I take a look in another direction, enjoy the surroundings or read a book.

Isn't that just avoiding the problem by dismissing them?

If it was a real solution than you shouldn't need a book to read every time you get the sexual urges?

[Delmo]

7 hours ago, Prabhaker said:

When sexual desire arises in you: simply watch it arising. 

I'll try doing that next time the sexual desire come.

[Shodan]

18 minutes ago, Delmo said:

Isn't that just avoiding the problem by dismissing them?

If it was a real solution than you shouldn't need a book to read every time you get the

Urge is just a neutral hormonal signal, you can fight, make it stronger by letting it take control over you or you can balance it out by meditation or consider using some proven natural herbal tonics such as lupulin, licorice etc. Or just get busy with your hobbies!

Example with a book is helpful when you getting bored in a place where you can face triggers like in public transport. Plus its self impovement actvity at some point

[Psyche_92]

16 hours ago, Shadowraix said:

I have tried to quit before, not for weeks but months. I don't remember the results though.

Was it hard to "quit"? Did you feel any withdrawal effects?

17 hours ago, Delmo said:

Are you saying the urges might be affected by pornography?

If you have an addiction, then yes.

 

[XYZ]

10 hours ago, Shodan said:

Doesn't that trigger you into full relapse? I think it takes helluva self discipline to stop chasing more explict material if you have already started looking at such nudes. Anytime I was peeking or let my imagination run wild led to my old habits soones or later, isn't that the case for you?

I can't disagree more. Then why your intetion is to look after those things that makes you feel vunerable? Personally, I became pretty good at avoiding teasing my eyes. Usually I take a look in another direction, enjoy the surroundings or read a book.

Well self-censorship never works for me, since it is just a type of sexual repression. I should not be so emotionally weak that whenever I get aroused by something visual I feel the compelling urge to touch my junk. Life is sexual and there's no getting around it, being a heterosexual male is not a choice. I liked girls way before I knew how to masturbate, so in this sense I should be able to enjoy just looking at them with no need to act upon it, much the same as when I was a child lusting after my teachers, my mom's friends, and my friends' moms. If you are triggered by sexy imagery, I'd think it is because you are attached to your body's arousal mechanisms and feel the need to act upon them. I can browse softcore nudes on tumblr and content aggregator directories and fully enjoy it, much the same as I would walking through an art gallery or nature trail, taking in the view, appreciating the beauty as an observer, and not be tempted to start masturbating again. But the difference now that I'm not masturbating is I avoid watching porn videos, and only look at pics very briefly sometimes, akin to stopping to smell the flowers on a walk.

[GregoriLo]

omg

[Shodan]

14 hours ago, XYZ said:

I can browse softcore nudes on tumblr and content aggregator directories and fully enjoy it, much the same as I would walking through an art gallery or nature trail, taking in the view, appreciating the beauty as an observer, and not be tempted to start masturbating again. But the difference now that I'm not masturbating is I avoid watching porn videos, and only look at pics very briefly sometimes, akin to stopping to smell the flowers on a walk.

I wish I could do the same, but it seems that the only reasonable way for me to live in peace without suffering the urges is cut out most of the triggers, which works well for me so far. It's too hard to overcome fetish to neutral female body part as I'm wired into being aroused automaticaly. Even after 230+ days being free of PMO some time ago I surrendered as a result of boredom and pre-abstinence flashbacks. I can go without it for 3-4 months but eventually all the rationalisation brings me back into victious cycle. I am expecting that after at least 5 years of being chaste I will rewire the bad habits and will be able to enjoy it without need to act or getting addicted, like you do. Otherwise I must get to the point when it will be happening in moderation, without blaming myself for my weakness which is unhealthy

[Delmo]

So i tried to  observe when urges arise. I did have some temptation but they disappeared after a while of observation, and my focus shifted automatically to other things. The urges where like just some thoughts even when they felt "real".

Now I want to do some experiment with this. I'll update later. Thanks for all the replays.