Opening Up To My Family

[AlldayLoop]

This whole journey is amazing. Ever since I got into personal development at the age of 18 (I’m now 22), I have slowly but surely unraveled my deep rooted addictions and secrets. It’s still a long way to go, but opening up has been a huge milestone for me. 

I was recently given a proper diagnosis for what I’ve been struggling with in secret. It’s called “transvestic disorder”. For those interested in reading a little about it, I will put a link here . This is a sexual disorder, so I must warn that some people might find it to be a pretty sensitive topic.

Here is the letter I originally wrote to my uncle, but I also decided to share with other members of my family. I also decided to share it with those who are open to reading it. I am happy to also answer any questions or to clarify anything that seems vague. 

———

     So to make this as simple as possible for the time being... One of the deep rooted issues I have been faced with since I was 13 is what I believe is called a fetishistic disorder, or paraphilia. Basically, the only thing that gives me sexual arousal are some specific fetishes. It is true that at this point in my life, my libido is nearing its peak. So although having a fetish exclusively is, to my knowledge, rare, it shouldn’t be an issue if it is healthy and balanced with other parts of my life. The issue for me, however, is that these fetishes have become a main obsession for me and has caused a lot of distress throughout the years. I did not start opening up about this seriously until I was 17, because I did not know the extent of the issue nor did I even know what was going on. So I spent a few years struggling with it on my own. To explain how bad this issue is - an example I could give is I could spent almost an entire day just fantasizing about the fetish, and the main way I would do that is spend hours on online chatrooms secretly talking about my fetish to multiple women. The reason I spend hours on it is because I’m trying to get a “sexual response” that would arouse me, but of course since this is a unique fetish, getting a sexual response that would satisfy me would take a very long time. Not to mention I’m doing it in secret, so the other person doesn’t even know I’m trying to get a sexual response out of them.

     This of course... this all cumulated into years of personal battling with myself and becoming more and more addicted. I am still faced with this issue to this day, but I’ve slowly gotten better ever since I opened up about it. I have also become much more aware of what it is, and what triggers me. I have shared a little bit about my fetish with a few therapists, my parents and sister, [other relatives], along with some online acquaintances. This issue I’m dealing with, along with other mental illnesses of course, is not well known, so the responses I have been given have mostly been just listening to what I have to say and being given the best advice they know with the current knowledge we have now. I did have one therapist who taught me some techniques to catch myself from getting caught up in those obsessive thoughts, but it is extremely difficult to use the techniques consistently when the obsession has become so automatic and powerful.

       There is no magic cure for what I am going through; only medications and hard work has been shown to lessen the obsessions. However, I am now actively seeking therapy and proper medication management to get the best treatment for me. The best I can do now is to better myself and learn from all of these experiences so that, in time, this will not have complete control over me. Me being honest and sharing this with others has also been a huge part of my recovery. So thank you for listening. I will keep you updated on my progress; the ups and the downs.

[Gabriel Antonio]

Have you already sent that letter? If not, I would encourage you to reflect upon this question:

Is it really necessary to tell them?

Another question:

Is this fetiche causing you distress? 

The basic advice for sexual fantasies is to not repress them. That does not mean you should act upon every desire. Instead, just let them pass... 

[Widdle Puppy]

have you tried meditation?

[AlldayLoop]

14 hours ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

Have you already sent that letter? If not, I would encourage you to reflect upon this question:

Is it really necessary to tell them?

Another question:

Is this fetiche causing you distress? 

The basic advice for sexual fantasies is to not repress them. That does not mean you should act upon every desire. Instead, just let them pass... 

 

Yes I have sent it to them already. Was it necessary? I don’t think so. But I opened up about something I’ve kept hidden for such a long time, I don’t think I could have bottled it up anymore.

The fetish is causing me distress, but I am learning how to express it/let it be without it becoming an addiction issue anymore.

[Gabriel Antonio]

 

1 hour ago, AlldayLoop said:

But I opened up about something I’ve kept hidden for such a long time, I don’t think I could have bottled it up anymore.

How was their reaction? if the person is not receptive, sharing something like that can cause a big backlash... 

 

1 hour ago, AlldayLoop said:

The fetish is causing me distress, but I am learning how to express it/let it be without it becoming an addiction issue anymore.

Good! 

[AlldayLoop]

7 hours ago, Widdle Puppy said:

have you tried meditation?

Yes, I need to get back into that more...

 

3 hours ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

 

How was their reaction? if the person is not receptive, sharing something like that can cause a big backlash... 

Right, most were very supportive. A couple I felt weren’t as receptive, but that’s not under my control.