Problems Only Being Within The Mind

[Jonty]

Hi

I'm relatively new to this blog. I have however watched most of Leo's videos several times and am very committed to contemplation work and have a daily meditation practice which I have undertaken for around 18 months.

I wanted to ask a question, however, this might be slightly strange as I don't want an answer to it as such. I take on board that Leo advises that we discover things for ourselves rather than asking for an answer and have seen some brief glimpses of breakthroughs in a variety of facets of enlightenment work, albeit very fleeting. All I want to know is that I will discover that this following problem is something in my mind if I stick to it long enough and a simple yes or no answer will suffice!

I have watched the video in which Leo states that whatever problem we have, even if we have the worst problem imaginable, that this is simply a fabrication by the mind. I do understand a lot of this, the projection of my self agenda into situations and onto objects etc, but I do have a similar problem to that he mentioned in his video.

Long story short is that I have a severely autistic son. He is violent and damages the house, my car and more concerning is that he has caused injury to himself, to my wife and myself which he continues to do weekly. He is on medication to control is "meltdowns" however, this simply just takes the "edge" off the violence and doesn't prevent it completely. I understand that the car,  house etc. are material things and in reality, these things are un-important. I struggle however to get my head around his violence towards us and towards himself. I love him unequivocally and just want to know that if I continue to pursue the work, I will ultimately realise that this particular issue is just in my head and not real.

As I mentioned, a simple yes or no answer would suffice!

Thanks in anticipation.

Jon

[robdl]

The thing is that the mind creates-perpetuates problems even when we happen to be sitting silently, for example, while family problems are temporarily dormant at that time.

The mind will dwell on old problems that have been addressed already, anticipate problems that may or may not occur, or problems that can be addressed when necessary at a later point. 

In this way, the mind is always escaping to the past/projected future, and avoiding what-is, the present moment.

[robdl]

The practical addressing-solving of life problems may require 10% of the day, but the mind will spend 95% of the day wrapped up in them, in my experience. That 85% difference - we need to investigate. Is it necessary? Is the mind indulging, creating much more additional suffering? 

Edited September 1, 2018 by robdl

[robdl]

By the way, I’m really sorry to hear how much you’ve been suffering with all of this. I hope you’re able to open up some gaps of peace through seeing how the mind can habitually take it away.

Not to avoid-suppress-deny our living problems, not to dismiss them as illusory, but to bring awareness-understanding to the process of mind and its constant perpetuation of problems-questions. 

If there’s a problem, which is a type of thought-resistance, to attempt to escape the problem by calling it illusory or denying it, is a continuation-reaction of the thought-resistance, just disguised in a different form.

Edited September 1, 2018 by robdl

[Nahm]

@Jonty Yes. Not like it would seem from the current perspective though. Byron Katies app “The Work” (99 cents I think) takes outward circumstance and flips it to an understanding of the suffering on your behalf. It might shed light on things for you. It’s not going to ‘fix’, but rather offer a perspective of acceptance that nothing is ‘broken’. It accomplishes this in as little as 15 minutes.  I am not suggesting it will change anything circumstantially, only that it will offer you a perspective in a unique and intimate way, which might help you in your situation. 

I have 3 kids. I would take all of their pain and or suffering right on the chin, in a heartbeat, if that were possible, and I know you would too, but that is just not the nature of pain & suffering. I wish it were sometimes, it might be easier. I feel for you and your family, and I hope there is more and more peace, love & understanding ahead for all of you.

I’m gonna assume you’ve read up on this extensively, and sought outside help, and tried many things in terms of structuring/scheduling/rewarding, trying to identify the motivations / causations, etc, I hope you can keep finding some relief for yourself where and when you can, and that that gives you more and more wisdom & energy to be there for him. I can only imagine the difficulties you face. I also can only imagine how hard it would be for him, if he didn’t have you.  

[Leo Gura]

@Jonty What you are really objecting to is not the physical manifestations of this issue but how it makes you feel, the suffering it causes. How you feel about a situation is definitely created by the way your mind evaluates or interprets it. And this you can definitely change with lots of consciousness work.

You may not be able to change how your son behaves. But that does not matter because the key is to change how you feel about how he behaves.

If you were more grounded in yourself your sons action's -- as bad as they might be -- would not bother you nearly as much, and you would also be more resourceful at finding an external solution, like for example, helping him to pinpoint the root cause of his problems.

What consciousness will teach you is to let go of control and to surrender and accept terrible things gracefully.

The idea that you can always control every bad thing in life is foolish. It just cannot happen because fundamentally the ego is not in control of anything. Control is one of the chief illusions which consciousness work tackles. You have to learn to accept things more. Counter-intuitively, this will make you more powerful, not less.

[Jonty]

@robdl @Nahm @Leo Gura

Thankyou all for both the practical and very helpful advice, but also words of support.

This has helped me hugely.

Hope you all have a great day!

[Nahm]

@Jonty ❤️