Daily Contemplation on the Self

[Preetom]

Am I aware? yes.

What is it that I am aware of? The sound surrounding me. The feelings in the body. The shapes and colors of objects around me.

But what is it that is aware? Can a monitor see itself? Can a sound hear itself? Obviously not.

I I I I..where is it pointed towards when I say I? Some subtle feelings in the head and chest deep inside. But what is that is aware of these sensations?

Can the sensation in the head feel itself? No that sounds silly. Is that what I really am? A sensation? My entire life revolves around these subtle ephemeral sensations? They were born in 1994 and now have an age, history, plans for future, desire and preferences? It sounds so ridiculous when I frame it like that. I'm obviously not these sensations. Then what am I?

I am that which knows all these sensations. Is there a location where the source of this knowingness is located? No whatever direction is pointed towards is always more experience.

What is direction? up down left right..are these directions absolute? No directions are always in relation to a presumed point or location. With respect to this knowingness, is there any direction like up down left right? Does this knowingness have any center? I can't find one. So does this mean that this Awareness is without location? Even it is not located, there is the sense that I undoubtedly exist. I'm present witnessing all these changes in phenomena. 

But does that knowingness itself undergo change? no all the changes are in phenomena.

According to Vedanta, real or abosolute is defined by having three characteristics. whatever is real must be

1) eternal or ever present

2) unchanging

3) must stand on it's own right. That means it does not need another thing to exist.

So what is it in my present experience that yields all three of these points? If something is real it must be ever present and so it must exist right now in my experience, whatever I may be experiencing?

Okay what are the things on my experience that does not conform these points? All sounds. All sights. How about sensations? is there a particular sensation that is taking place eternally, unchanging and knowing itself. No that sounds silly. During sleep, there is no sensation. What remains in deep sleep? The sentience and thinking stops. But there really is no feeling of non-existence. So the absolute exists in deep sleep. 

What is it's nature?

[Preetom]

Am I aware? yes.

What is it that I can legitimately say from my own experience without borrowing any previous knowledge? I am. I exist.

What else can I say from my experience? I'm aware that I am. So I simultaneously exist and am aware that I exist.

Anything other than this knowledge seems arbitrary and derivative from my upbringing.

Do I need someone else to point out that I am? No. Do I need a book to tell me that I am? no. Do I need a thought to tell me that I am? No because I am aware of thoughts coming and going. Do I need to believe that I am? no that sounds silly.

So this knowledge of I am, what does it depend upon? Is sight needed to verify that I am? No I can be blind and still know that I am. Is sound needed to verify that I am? no I am irrespective of sound and silence. So let's get this clear, the image of the body and the sounds of the thoughts are not fundamental to I am. I exist without the body and self image and without thoughts.

What about feelings? How much can I subtract while keeping this I am intact? Can I erase all my memories and still know I am? yes. Can I subtract the sensations in the head and still know I am? Can I subtract all sensations of the body and still know I am? In the dream last night, the experience was completely different from now but still the sense that I exist was one and the same. 

Does it mean that this body, these sensations, these thoughts are totally arbitrary? Yes these sensations are changing and morphing constantly, in sleep they disappear all together but do I ever experience a break in my own existence? No.

So how much can I subtract without tainting this knowledge I am? It seems that I can erase every pixel of my present waking experience and still be as much I am as I am right now, So if this I am is fundamental, why do I mix it with these sensations, thoughts and perceptions? This I am can only appear to be mixed with objective experience if I am knowing aware of this I am. As long as I know I am, it stands on itself by itself, knowing itself. 

So is it legitimate for me to identify my existence with a particular experience from now on? 

 

[Preetom]

Am I aware? yes.

What is the conventional waking state? Is it the same persistent reality or is the persistence something being assumed everytime after waking up? Well there has to be a narrative or symbolization to make a distinction in the first place. How do I know that today's waking state is exactly the same as yesterday's waking state? Because the thought says so? Thought says many other things as well.

What seems to be consistent in two consecutive waking states is the narrative or mental dialogue that starts it. So am I waking up to a new Reality every single time from a deep sleep? What is it that registers the change between a deep sleep and waking up? It is certainly I and that doesn't seem to change.

While I'm thinking and writing, there is a palpable sense that all these functions are being known or witnessed. What is this magical stuff that seems to happen when attention is turned on itself? 

Is there any independent object? From direct experience, no. But what else do I have other than direct experience? Have I ever encountered anything in my life outside my Consciousness? So how does the illusion of objective knowing take place? Is there really such a thing called objective knowing? At least I have yet to come across such knowledge.

So the more direct question is, is there a world other than the knowing of it? No. I have to know or experience something to verify it's presence. Now is there any difference between an object and the knowing of the object. The knowing of a thing is all that is ever known. What else is out there? As I've never came across anything other than knowing, so does it mean that nothing exist outside knowing? So the world, it's events and even myself do these things have an objective Reality? It's hard to believe in their permanence when it is questioned like this.

So does it mean I literally think them in permanence? that's a hell of an audacious claim.

 

[MarkusSweden]

@Preetom Finally some Bangladeshi brilliance in the journals sub forum. 

Gonna be enjoying to follow your enquiry in this thread! 

Keep up the good work!  

[Preetom]

@MarkusSweden Thanks! Enjoying this written contemplation style more than any spiritual practice I've ever done. I usually do 2 sessions on paper and 1 time here on forum everyday 

[Noone Here]

7 hours ago, Preetom said:

While I'm thinking and writing, there is a palpable sense that all these functions are being known or witnessed. What is this magical stuff that seems to happen when attention is turned on itself? 

Is there any independent object? From direct experience, no. But what else do I have other than direct experience? Have I ever encountered anything in my life outside my Consciousness? So how does the illusion of objective knowing take place? Is there really such a thing called objective knowing? At least I have yet to come across such knowledge.

So the more direct question is, is there a world other than the knowing of it? No. I have to know or experience something to verify it's presence. Now is there any difference between an object and the knowing of the object. The knowing of a thing is all that is ever known. What else is out there? As I've never came across anything other than knowing, so does it mean that nothing exist outside knowing? So the world, it's events and even myself do these things have an objective Reality? It's hard to believe in their permanence when it is questioned like this.

So does it mean I literally think them in permanence? that's a hell of an audacious claim.

I love your questions. Wouldn't it be great to give them to Jed? 

Most of my beliefs are from Jed and Buddhism, but as you know "no belief is true" so it's all babble to keep from being bored, and it's fun playing with you. 

"You" (me) are the witness of all of this dreamstuff, none of it permanent, none of it true, all of it attachment when we name it and claim it.

There's a story about a man in India who stayed under a tree his whole life and became "enlightened".  Our words are so misleading. There may be no out there out there but there is a witness somewhere. 

All of this is beliefs. 

Babble on. 


 

[Preetom]

10 hours ago, Noone Here said:

I love your questions. Wouldn't it be great to give them to Jed? 

Nope that would ruin the purpose. The point is not to know some speculative answer but to expose our own bullshit answers.

10 hours ago, Noone Here said:

"You" (me) are the witness of all of this dreamstuff, none of it permanent, none of it true, all of it attachment when we name it and claim it.

Nicely put.

10 hours ago, Noone Here said:

There's a story about a man in India who stayed under a tree his whole life and became "enlightened".  Our words are so misleading. There may be no out there out there but there is a witness somewhere.

Earthworms must be fuckin' Enlightened hmm.... 

10 hours ago, Noone Here said:

All of this is beliefs. 

Babble on. 

That's the point. The intellect must digest itself through itself. The only way a thought can be really original and effective is by killing all other thoughts.

Edited September 3, 2018 by Preetom

[Preetom]

Am I aware? yes.

What is death? If I be very precise, it's the losing of object Consciousness. So all this waking experience and narrative is gone after death. There is no mechanism available to analyze and interpret the experience after death. Neither there is any objective knowledge to know anyway. So in this light, death seems very similar with deep sleep. Between two consecutive waking state, I'm basically dead.

And yet why is death regarded so foreign? To register a change there must be a witness outside the change. So between the last moment of death and after it, there must be something to know that change. Because if a change was not registered, then that means there wouldn't be a thing called death. There would only be the continuous waking state.

That which knows or witnesses death, by definition, can that be part of death? Can that be part of any objective phenomena? This knowingness seems to be outside Death, registering death. So it turns out that it is impossible to contemplate and acknowledge death without acknowledging a deathless witness simultaneously. But it sure is so overlooked.

If I die right now, what will be lost really? Is there an objective me that gets lost forever? My grandparents are dead. When I sometimes hear other family members talk about them and their lives, it sort of feels like I'm hearing some made up stories. It's as if they never existed. Really, can I empirically prove that they existed? The only place they are now, is in memory in the form of stories. It is so circular, the meanings provided by thought. Thought says it's true because it says so.

Now let's turn the table on me. Can I prove that I exist right now? I can verify that for myself that I exist but can I prove the existence of 'my life'? my narrative? my body? memories? relationships? 

Can I really prove that I exist in other people's eyes? This is something I've taken for granted all my life. Maybe next time I should ask everyone I meet, ''Do I exist in your eyes?''. It sounds silly but still there is an assumption that everyone will verify my existence until...I have the good fortune of sitting in front of Nisargadatta Maharaj or someone like him. If I ask him, ''Do you see me existing in your eyes?'' he'd probably reply, ''No. I see a case of misplaced identity.''

And that's it. Even if something happens a billion times, it just takes only one iteration to disprove it. What am I?

 

[Noone Here]

hmmm There's no like button in here? 
I love this topic, death. I have no direct experience with death but I have a few beliefs I've picked up from hospice workers, EKR, Jed, Buddhism, and the CIA's "voice of god weapons" but first I want to ask you what you mean by your quote from Jed's book. You want life enhancing spirituality and not all this whacked out death and war business?  If so, I can't help you. Did you wake up to the nightmare going on here where they're spraying us with chemicals, microwaving us, poisoning and killing us thousands of different ways and blaming it all on brown people, so humanity's killing itself?

There's a war going on and we're losing because we're so brainwashed. Yes, it's just a dream but it our dream has turned into a nightmare and what is enlightenment but awareness of the dream?  All we can know for sure is this dream experience. Beyond the dream is another frequency that we can't reach. We don't know the moment after death because that's another frequency we can't tune into. We don't even know this one we're in, we're so brainwashed/indoctrinated.

There may be some people/aliens controlling this nightmare that know what's going on. They're  aware but they're not what we'd call enlightened. How important is what's going on here? Do we need to know what's going on here to be enlightened? How can we know anything when we've been indoctrinated from birth, all our words, beliefs, laws, etc. were created by the controllers of humanity. Can they control your thoughts? Yes. From cradle to grave. 

What is death? What do we know for sure? It's leaving this body.
It's scary because everything is scary. We're raised on FEAR. It's on the 6'oclock news, schools, churches, it's the thick black smoke Jed talks about called "spiritualism".  

Maybe we need to agree on the meanings of the words we're using first, starting with the word enlightenment. To me it means awareness of the truth.  But then, what is truth/true? Can we know what's true? Are there levels of truth?  Do we need to SEE the truth here in the dream to be enlightened? Can we see/be aware of anything beyond the dream? 

Can we live in peace with the ambiguity of it all? Do we need to see, know, be aware of everything everywhere all the time? Isn't it all beliefs? Can anyone live with no beliefs and stay in wonder? What's that called? It's not called enlightenment. It's called braindead. hahahaa  Maybe it's better to be braindead.  Are we going in circles?  Just have fun with it. XO
 

[Preetom]

26 minutes ago, Noone Here said:

 but first I want to ask you what you mean by your quote from Jed's book. You want life enhancing spirituality and not all this whacked out death and war business?  If so, I can't help you. Did you wake up to the nightmare going on here where they're spraying us with chemicals, microwaving us, poisoning and killing us thousands of different ways and blaming it all on brown people, so humanity's killing itself?

It's a sarcasm to put some light on the self delusion mechanism of the ego. 

The ego will distract itself with every beliefs and stories possible...with Gods, conspiracy theories, with idle philosophy whether the Self has parts or not, Whether the self is being or non being, with dimensions, aliens, densities, 10th eye, gurus, states of mind any and everything imaginable, materialism and non materialism It will gorge on all this fantasies but it will not face the only fact right in front of it's nose. It's own imminent death.

wakey wakey the clock is ticking

[Wisebaxter]

Great journal, I'm getting a lot of ideas for my own enquiry here. I haven't done much but so far I've ascertained that there are two version of I. The I that is a thought and the I that knows the I thoughts. This seems like an energy field that can be trained on specific experiences. Ramana Maharshi said that when thoughts silence the world disappears and there is only the true self. But what confuses me is, even I don't label something, I can still see it there. It's not really gone, just my perception of it...but I'm just starting out 

What interests me is, reading someone else's journal is almost a chore for me, as if it's not nearly as interesting as my own. This must mean I'm still very ego identified. Your enquiry is my enquiry after all as we're one. I haven't experienced this yet but have faith in it. I'd like to do more work on viewing us in this way, instead of being seperate. At present the concepts seem so detached from me as they're not in my experience 

[Preetom]

46 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

Great journal, I'm getting a lot of ideas for my own enquiry here. I haven't done much but so far I've ascertained that there are two version of I. The I that is a thought and the I that knows the I thoughts.

Do not make a split in your self. Ramana Maharshi warned about this over and over again. Who is this 'I' in the question Who am I? It's the false notion of 'I' identifying with sensations of the body or thoughts in the mind or both. Inquiry is always done into the false self. Your true absolute self does not require any activity to know itself. It's always being itself eternally unchanged whether you know it or not. Your only job in self inquiry is to separate this false notion of 'I' that is attached with a sense object. This false 'I' cannot stand on it's own right without sticking itself with an object. So when you separate it, it vanishes. All the while your natural Self remains as it is. You start to be aware of it.

 

46 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

Ramana Maharshi said that when thoughts silence the world disappears and there is only the true self. But what confuses me is, even I don't label something, I can still see it there. It's not really gone, just my perception of it...but I'm just starting out 

Ask yourself, is there anything called the world other than the awareness of it? Where was the world in deep sleep? The world does not say ''Hey look, I'm the World!!''. The body does not say '' I am the body''. Find out that fictitious ego, the false 'I' that make those claims. When this 'I' vanishes, all it's false notions vanish along with it.

46 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

What interests me is, reading someone else's journal is almost a chore for me, as if it's not nearly as interesting as my own. This must mean I'm still very ego identified. Your enquiry is my enquiry after all as we're one. I haven't experienced this yet but have faith in it. I'd like to do more work on viewing us in this way, instead of being seperate. At present the concepts seem so detached from me as they're not in my experience 

Or it could just mean a conflict in interest. Do not bother finding sameness in the phenomenal world for now. You'll only get more and more lost in name and forms. But you're right, the inquiry is the same and the Self that shines forth is one and the same. That is our shared sameness. Realize that and then you wouldn't have to put faith in neither separation nor non-separation.

Edited September 3, 2018 by Preetom

[Preetom]

1 hour ago, Noone Here said:

hmmm There's no like button in here? 

That fella called 'like button' was kicked, beaten mercilessly and ostracized from this community long ago along with it's pal 'reputation system' and other minions by the man from upstairs.

As Jed would put it, part of being matured is to know where we are all the time. It's maya's house and she is pulling all the strings. When you're in this forum, you have to know whose house this is 

Edited September 3, 2018 by Preetom

[Preetom]

2 hours ago, Noone Here said:

There's a war going on and we're losing because we're so brainwashed. Yes, it's just a dream but it our dream has turned into a nightmare and what is enlightenment but awareness of the dream?  All we can know for sure is this dream experience. Beyond the dream is another frequency that we can't reach. We don't know the moment after death because that's another frequency we can't tune into. We don't even know this one we're in, we're so brainwashed/indoctrinated.

There may be some people/aliens controlling this nightmare that know what's going on. They're  aware but they're not what we'd call enlightened. How important is what's going on here? Do we need to know what's going on here to be enlightened? How can we know anything when we've been indoctrinated from birth, all our words, beliefs, laws, etc. were created by the controllers of humanity. Can they control your thoughts? Yes. From cradle to grave. 

What is death? What do we know for sure? It's leaving this body.
It's scary because everything is scary. We're raised on FEAR. It's on the 6'oclock news, schools, churches, it's the thick black smoke Jed talks about called "spiritualism".  

Maybe we need to agree on the meanings of the words we're using first, starting with the word enlightenment. To me it means awareness of the truth.  But then, what is truth/true? Can we know what's true? Are there levels of truth?  Do we need to SEE the truth here in the dream to be enlightened? Can we see/be aware of anything beyond the dream? 

Can we live in peace with the ambiguity of it all? Do we need to see, know, be aware of everything everywhere all the time? Isn't it all beliefs? Can anyone live with no beliefs and stay in wonder? What's that called? It's not called enlightenment. It's called braindead. hahahaa  Maybe it's better to be braindead.  Are we going in circles?  Just have fun with it. XO
 

Btw thanks for your post. It's really thought provoking. That's not a very pretty landscape you've portrayed. Where does all our vanity come from?

Because we've invented fancy boxes to live in, HD porn and entertainment, unlimited cheese burgers at our disposal all the time? 

[Noone Here]

I wouldn't call it vanity, I'd call it naivete or ignorance due to censored programing since birth. We come from many generations of brainwashed people to where this false sense of reality is in our DNA. It's all lies and it's all belief. We need to suspend our core beliefs that we're humans on earth to get to the truth. It starts at the very basic level and most people refuse to go there. 

[Noone Here]

 I can't figure out how to get to comments people make on my comments. Can you explain where that is in here in this forum? 

[Noone Here]

6 hours ago, Preetom said:

It's a sarcasm to put some light on the self delusion mechanism of the ego. 

The ego will distract itself with every beliefs and stories possible...with Gods, conspiracy theories, with idle philosophy whether the Self has parts or not, Whether the self is being or non being, with dimensions, aliens, densities, 10th eye, gurus, states of mind any and everything imaginable, materialism and non materialism It will gorge on all this fantasies but it will not face the only fact right in front of it's nose. It's own imminent death.

wakey wakey the clock is ticking

I don't understand your sarcasm here. Is this you talking...  "Thanks for the crazy death rant, Jed, but I want my life enhancing spirituality, not all this whacked out death and war business." ?
I'm confused because from your comments it sounds like you do want the death rant and parts of the dreamworld, like "spirituality" and the gurus, but none of the "conspiracy theories" aliens, duality (truth) and everything imaginable  going on here in the dreamworld.

You think we can skip over the lies we're programed to believe as truth here in the dreamworld and go right to "enlightenment"?  

Do you believe you're a human on earth?

[Noone Here]

5 hours ago, Preetom said:

That fella called 'like button' was kicked, beaten mercilessly and ostracized from this community long ago along with it's pal 'reputation system' and other minions by the man from upstairs.

As Jed would put it, part of being matured is to know where we are all the time. It's maya's house and she is pulling all the strings. When you're in this forum, you have to know whose house this is 

Edited 5 hours ago by Preetom

hahahaa!!!  (where's the laughing face?) I like liking. It's so easy. Doing all this copying quotes and writing hahahha just to say hahhahaa is a pain. 

[Noone Here]

Are you making fun of Jed? I noticed Leo never mentions Jed and I haven't seen anyone quote him.  It all seems so milque·toast in here. Very boring stuff really. hmmmm

[Preetom]

@Noone Here Yes I agree that the primal beliefs about being human or something has to be uprooted. Enlightenment won't come from superficial spiritual activities while the building blocks of duality experience aka beliefs lie hidden and safe deep down.

And the quotes are there for my reminder of my own tendency to forget about my mortality. Don't take it too seriously. I'm not making fun of Jed. His books are some of most real talk I've ever come across.

The reason you don't see much mentions about Jed here(or anywhere) is probably because to hard to pledge and form an ideology around his message. You're either doing the work or not. Someone who really gets Jed's message won't be here in the first place imho.