Mind at ease, Body in deep anxiety

[Max_V]

Since I was about 10 years old I have had deep social anxiety. Fear of how people perceive me, fear of what might happen tomorrow, fear of every situation I perceive as a potential threat to the image I have of myself. So, when I started meditating and self-actualizing 3 years ago, my main goal was to become still and grounded. Although this goal has shifted a bit throughout the years, I still want to develop into someone who stands firm and doesn’t need validation to feel worthy.

This summer vacation I pretty much spent on contemplating my fears and learning how work with them. Finding a way to become a strong individual and not so needy for being “liked”. I feel like this has come a long way and I now have a strong sense of where all this insecurity and fear comes from; I want to be validated and liked to feel a sense of worth. If I don’t get this sense of worth, I fear losing a reason to exist.

So, this is what all comes down to. Not knowing why I exist and being scared if I don’t accumulate worth, I will suddenly stop existing. If I don’t have a reason to exist, what keeps me from vanishing?

Why I wrote this, is because of this reason: Just now I had an introduction day at my school. I’ve been dreading going there for weeks. While I was there I experienced something weird. Because I now know the reason of my fear, I actually felt relatively calm. I was really taken back by this because normally, these big events scare me so much, I feel close to a panic-attack. My mind was calm and felt at ease but my body was restless and shaking of fear.

TLDR: Why is my mind calm, but my body in deep anxiety? It feels like my body is so used to being afraid, it started showing signs of anxiety in a situation that would normally cause fear. Yet, My mind felt at ease. How come?

[Rilles]

Your subconscious fears are in the body, start a daily body scanning technique or maybe start a Kriya Yoga practice. The conscious mind cant ease the subconcious, thats why quarreling between thoughts happens. No matter how much you let go of thoughts you have to work with the body too.

 

 

Dont take my word on this. Find out for yourself, only you know you. 

[Toby]