How To Limit Growing Pains?

[John]

Hey guys,

I was swimming earlier in a massive public pool and I was trying out these weird looking new techniques that I learned from a book. (Total Immersion Swimming- if anyone is interested!) But here's my point:

Over the last two years of developing myself a lot has changed. Especially my confidence. There's no way I would have been able to give those techniques a go two years ago.. "What if people look at me?" "They will think I'm a weirdo" "They will all be laughing.."

But this time there were no such thoughts, and as I mindfully watched the thoughts that replaced them, right there in the pool, such as "No one cares" "You're nailing these techniques" "You look like one of the better swimmers here" (That last thought probably wasn't the healthiest but bear with me here..) I had this alienating feeling. And it's not the first time I've had this alienation inside myself. If I am not the old thoughts, and not these new thoughts... then who the fuck am I?

I have been meditating for a year and a bit now so I am familiar with enlightenment and non identification with thoughts etc.. but does anyone else have any experience with this alienating feeling that you get as you change and grow? I used a mild example here but it's much much much more intense in other areas of my life, too intense sometimes for mindfulness to handle. I can only imagine the subjective changes Leo has experienced in his life up to this point given where he came from and where he is at, surely he didn't feel this alienation the whole way as well?

I hope I've articulated myself well here and would really appreciate any help/advice or shared sentiments.

Cheers,

John

 

[vizual]

What really helped me to not give a shit what people think and to get really self-confident was to learn to get grounded. I was always flying way high in the air and didn't even notice my legs connection to the world.

Check out some yoga and meditation exercises for grounding, they might really help you out.

[charlie2dogs]

John from the day i began to awaken, i had that feeling, and i still have it today, and it is because i have changed, my thought process has changed, everything about me has changed, and that sets us apart from those who want to stay stuck in their programing and false belief system.  There was a time when i was not a good speaker, maybe i was backward and i felt a lot of the things like you are talking about at the pool, but after i went through some major changes all that disappeared, and i began to speak from a different place, and with passion, because i had the experience that was required to be able to talk about it to anyone and speak about it with some authority, i basically lost the fear when i found my real self,  as for that feeling, i like that feeling because it reminds me that i have changed and that i dont want the old way any more and it keeps me looking forward and looking for a higher version of myself.  There will be times and people that you dont feel that way around, and you will have more of a connection with them maybe because they are changing too like you are.  My advice is dont be swayed into believing what others think about it,  continue with your work it will become clear for you and at a point you might see it as a good thing,  I dont know if this helps you any but i understand the feeling well, just dont dwell on that feeling, and go on with your work and life it will become a non issue if you dont make it one, and good luck.

[John]

Wow @charlie2dogs that means  a lot. Some times the feeling is so strong that I miss the safety of the old days. Sure I was in the Matrix, but at least I didn't know it. Why do you think we feel it so hard? the alienation that is...   @Leo Gura seems to thrive on this feeling, not fear it. There is something in our nature prohibiting us from relishing the path and not being fearful on it.

I like the perspective you gave that it reminds you that it is in fact moving you forward to somewhere beautiful, as opposed to the dull homeostasis of before so I thank you for that.

Meditation has helped me a lot as well because it's like this rock that is there throughout all of these crises of identity and waves of alienation and loneliness, I hope you are utilizing that too! 

I think I am still waiting on some of the major changes you have experienced for the alienation to really die down and that means I have to keep pushing. and the pushing is certainly easier with this forum and posts like yours. Cheers brother.

@vizual I have been experimenting with yoga recently and it has helped a bunch. Cheers.

 

[charlie2dogs]

Thanks for the reply John, i'm glad it was of some use to you.  I will share one other thing with you,  I have no spiritual practice, i have no practices, i have no rule book, i have no gods,  I am consciousness, consciousness is the source of all life and matter, it is the ground of being.  In saying this is to say this, John i have found that simply being quiet, and feeling the presence of my consciousness, within my body is all that i need to do, it is there that answers to amazing things come through consciousness.  I have had many questions in life that other people had no answer for, but after dwelling on the subject for a while, sometimes i would be going for a walk or just sitting quietly, being with my consciousness in a real way, the answers would come,  all the knowledge that has ever existed right up to this moment exist within consciousness, the question is can we place ourself in the place to be able to receive these things.  When you are quiet and within consciousness, all the programing and beliefs don't taint the data that you are receiving.  Many people get answers to many things but you have to be sure they are coming from the right place and not the ego or desires of the flesh.  After experiencing this shift in awareness away from the identity with its ego to that of a being of consciousness for a long while, it turns out that life is my living meditation and i can experience this state of being longer and longer, and as i go along with what ever i am doing.  but it is difficult to remain in that space of being all the time, but that is not what is important, the important thing is that you can at will, and when you slip back into the old ways it is in your face that you are in the wrong place, and it gives you a chance to regroup and rethink things and gives you a space so as to not create huge consequences from your actions.  We have great power within us we just need to learn to use it in a way that moves us toward liberation, joy, and peace and also being in this space of being allows the consciousness to cleanse itself, the cleansing requires no effort on your part, it is automatic when you enjoy the space of your own being, consciousness.  Good luck John