Awareness in Others Pain?

[zoey101]

It's been a little while since I have been on here. Since I reached my personal milestone, I have been working on staying aware and present in every part of my life. This past weekend, I was hit with a couple of curve balls from some friends and had a thought. 

Two friends, with different situations but one after the other it was just completely out of the blue. The first was my friend having an uber bridezilla moment and we ended up kind of in a fight over it. It had me pretty messed up because I am the furthest from confrontational and that stuff usually sends me spiraling bad. While it did bother me all weekend, it didn't hurt me the way it used to. I felt I was able to look at "the big picture" and see that this really doesn't matter that much. 

The second friend is where the thought arose. Already feeling somewhat drained from the first friend, my second friend comes over and lays some pretty heavy shit on me and my husband. He has been in love with this girl that me and my husband have been trying to tell him isn't worth all the sacrifice he gives. From everything he tells us about this girl (who isn't even his girlfriend), she is clearly using him because he would do literally anything for her.

Anyways, he came over utterly destroyed because it turns out this girl has been working for this guy "under the table" (paid in cash only) and her boss was found dead with two bullets in his chest O_O I wish that was the end of the story. So the cops are searching the dead mans place for obvious reasons and it turns out that this man has been involved in human/drug trafficking and my friends "girl" has been this guys secretary!!!!! 

My poor friend has NEVER been involved in ANYTHING even remotely illegal. This is a guy that works his ass off to be involved in his Church and community. He is working to become a fire fighter!!! And this girl fucked him up so bad because now he feels he is somehow involved. My husband and I tried to calm him, but of course that's easier said than done... 

So once he left, I couldn't help but look over at my husband and my daughter and just feel an overwhelming sense of appreciation and acknowledgement of our decisions that brought us here. But is it wrong to feel that way? We feel so bad for him, but we tried to warn him to stay away from her... So we can't help but feel he kind of did it to himself.. Is it bad to think that?

I worry it makes me seem insensitive... but at the same time, it just feels like it should have been more obvious to him. We never even met the girl and we knew she was bad for him. 

I'm not sure what kind of responses I am looking for, but you guys always seem to know what to say to help guide me to the answer for myself. Thank you for taking the time to stop by!

[Nahm]

@zoey101

Hi! ❤️

Everyone is already doing exactly what they want to. 

Let them.

 

 

[zoey101]

@Nahm I totally agree. I know everyone has power over themselves, but does thinking this way seem too insensitive?  

[Nahm]

@zoey101 Everyone is doing exactly what they want, like you, believing the maya. 

If you want to, you can put attention, on drama, and more will come. If you want, you can judge yourself, and more will come. If you want, you can be too busy for the practices, to busy to self realize, and life will be done in a snap. You can even pretend there is such a thing as an ordinary moment, and that none of this is for you. 

 

[PsiloPutty]

None of us can end suffering in the world. I don't think there should be any guilt in feeling that you made some skillful decisions in your past that have led you to an even-keeled present moment. Even in the presence of the exact opposite (your friend), don't feel guilty or incorrect in being happy for your good planning in life. Maybe a loving kindness meditation, focusing on your friend, would help you move past this speedbump?

[zoey101]

17 minutes ago, Feel Good said:

Be careful of the spiritual bypassing. "Abraham hicks" believes and the like. Zoey you can learn discernment here. 

 

Wow I just looked up that word and I think that fits most perfectly how I am feeling. Reading it like that, doesn't make me feel as bad  

[zoey101]

3 minutes ago, PsiloPutty said:

None of us can end suffering in the world. I don't think there should be any guilt in feeling that you made some skillful decisions in your past that have led you to an even-keeled present moment. Even in the presence of the exact opposite (your friend), don't feel guilty or incorrect in being happy for your good planning in life. Maybe a loving kindness meditation, focusing on your friend, would help you move past this speedbump?

Thank you. I know I have spent a lot of time caring and worrying for others. I guess that's why this whole thing has been strange to me. I always felt it was bad and wrong to be selfish in anyway, but the first time I was selfish in a long time, and I felt more peace than I ever did making myself a martyr for others. 

It's just a weird feeling I guess. 

[zoey101]

@Feel Good Okay  thank you

[PsiloPutty]

I think you're A-okay!!   

[zoey101]

@PsiloPutty

[Key Elements]

@zoey101 Zoey, I think your friend isn't too careful. He doesn't seem to know the difference between infatuation and love. Love isn't one-sided. He doesn't seem to know her at all and doesn't take the time to know her. He seems to have fallen head over heal over this girl who only seem to use him, and it appears that he got into trouble for it. You may help your friend as you wish but don't get into trouble because of him. He should understand that you have a family to support. Otherwise, ask yourself, "Is he really a friend?"

Btw Zoey, I have recently started a thread on different relationships here. Even family members could be considered a leaf, branch, root, or trunk. But see, for your own children, you got to find out how to have very good relationships with them. You got to be at least a best friend to your daughter so that she could learn from the relationship. Thoughts on this?

[zoey101]

On 8/28/2018 at 0:51 AM, Key Elements said:

@zoey101 Zoey, I think your friend isn't too careful. He doesn't seem to know the difference between infatuation and love. Love isn't one-sided. He doesn't seem to know her at all and doesn't take the time to know her. He seems to have fallen head over heal over this girl who only seem to use him, and it appears that he got into trouble for it. You may help your friend as you wish but don't get into trouble because of him. He should understand that you have a family to support. Otherwise, ask yourself, "Is he really a friend?"

Btw Zoey, I have recently started a thread on different relationships here. Even family members could be considered a leaf, branch, root, or trunk. But see, for your own children, you got to find out how to have very good relationships with them. You got to be at least a best friend to your daughter so that she could learn from the relationship. Thoughts on this?

Sorry I have been gone exploring myself lol

 

But I totally agree. My husband and I observe the families around us with kids about our daughter's age, and we can see everything about the parents in the kids. It can be funny when a little one is moving her head with attitude lol but the important thing we see is how they interact with each other. There is one family that we have seen to be the kind of people to drop friends over nothing. The kids, in return, do not value their relationships because "they can always find a new one".

My daughter is pretty friendly and loving with everyone. I go to get her from Nursery and she is always playing with the other kids. One child in her nursery worries me because she is twice my daughter's size, but ALWAYS wants to pick her up. She CLEARLY was never taught any boundaries and when she gets angry, she goes straight to hitting. These are all kids under the age of 5, so I think it is very vital for us, as adults, to put ourselves aside and get along long enough to teach our children HEALTHY relationship interactions. 

 

Thank you for the link I will have to wait to watch the video but thanks  

[Mohamad Tahmas]

@zoey101 My thoughts about this is that almost 99.9% of the world's problems are due to lack of consciousness, I had a similar problem and trying to overcome the guilt part...so just move on time will grow us all up.