How To Stop Expecting Too Much From People?!

[tinaman]

Most of us know expectations lead to disappointment. Still, we expect from people. With the help of your videos and some work on psychology I no more expect too much from other people, but I still have too much expectations from my partner, and closed ones, which is really affecting my relationships and life in a bad way. I'd appreciate a video on how to stop this! 

 

Thank you

[Anna]

I would be interested in this topic too. 

[Kevin Dunlop]

Hi if you are like most of us you learned to have these expectations, over a long period of time. You were trained to interpret peoples actions and have a response without being conscious of this. Almost all of our parenting was wound up around expectations and how we are meeting them or not. To untrain a long term training like this also takes time. You may have to analyze what your expectations are and if your parents, made a big deal about these things too. Where did you get these ideas is the question first. Then once you know where these ideas came from you can see them for what they are just someone elses ideas that you learned without knowing it. You are taking for granted that what you learned is really important. If it doesnt work for you and you know its wrong you can begin to identify when you automatically react to your learned interpretation and stop for a moment. Observe yourself making these mistakes and have a new way of handling the situation ready to try when you get the chance. This can be really fun, trying out new responses to situations that you learn from good sources. If these new ways of treating the situation work keep them if not try new ones. Dont get mad at yourself if you forget to stop and do the retraining process it is all new and takes time and effort. But once you get good at this you can change the way your mind works. I am talking about working on the problem from the inside out. But maybe there is a way your partner can also change one small thing at a time too with you, this also is reasonable in a relationship that two people care about. Let me know what you think.

 

[tinaman]

Thank you Kevin. I liked the idea of trying new ways to deal with such situations without getting too serious about them and criticizing self. I would definitely try it!!