Masculinity

[Shakazulu]

My father was a nurse when my country Angola was fighting for independence. I can't imagine someone being in war then just functioning as a regular human. My dad left my family for 7 years, when he returned he was an abbusive alcoholic. My family demonized him all through my life. We fought so much. My siblings even had a nickname for my dad in Portuguese meaning animal. Him and my family have a pretty weak relationship. Anyways, I felt my mom sort of took the masculine role because my siblings seen my mom as the " good " parent or better. I feel it wasn't right because I never had anyone to teach me how to be masculine. When my mom decided to move to Canada when I was 1, she was going to leave my father behind, but he convinced her to come. When my family arrived, both my parents were working so hard, two of my siblings were 10-10+ years older than me and I have one sister who is six years older than me, I was closer to her than any of my other siblings. I was growing up with this inner need for love, from woman, from my art, for my ego...

Age 4-18 I remember feeling hopeless and lost until I found actualized. Working on my masculinity/understanding the chemistry between both sexes seems important 

[dlof]

I recommend reading David Deida's book "The Way of the Superior Man", it should help you out with understanding sexual polarity. You can probably find a pdf of it online somewhere, but consider purchasing it if it resonates with you.

[Truth]

Was there a question you had? or is this a journal entry? cause we have a place for journals.

[Shakazulu]

@dlof actually reading it right now! Very impactful @Truth I guess it was a question along with a journal. Any books you reccomend?