How to deal with regret /anger over even the smallest mistakes?

[Manjushri]

This has been an obstacle for me for quite a while now. Intellectually knowing that it's out of my control doesn't help (most of the time) 

[ChimpBrain]

Admit that you're a product of your genetics (biological aspect) and your environmental conditioning (psychological aspect), and that you couldn't have acted in any other way than how you acted. There is no place for regret or guilt when "you" weren't responsible for the deed. The deed happened, you weren't in control of the happening, and there is no place for blame. 

 

This helps me, and that's all I can report on. My own experience. 

[Solace]

“How do you dear one heal a mind that is holding so strongly onto the concepts of suffering? Some teachings would say look at your past, examine it, heal it, analyze, talk about it; and yes they change the concepts, but we see that there is a much easier path, a much faster path. Devote yourself to your heart and make your heart more important than the story.”

- Higher Self

[Manjushri]

uhh. ok. so i understand it intellectually that it's determined, and that i can't control it, nevertheless i get angry. eg last night i went to a shit party,could of have used the energy to lift at home, wasted an hour there idk why i even stayed, got my dopamine sensitivity raped by shit music, and had sleep troubles later. it still hurts so fucking much!!! 

[Manjushri]

@Feel Good I don't really understand. Can you explain? 

[iamme]

Stop judging what happens as "mistakes". Shit happens, it most probably has an origin in some of your subconscious beliefs. Instead of just beating yourself up, investigate all your beliefs about what happened. Self inquiry, pen and paper. As long as you hold false beliefs in your mind, it's very hard to avoid sabotaging yourself so dig up the root cause. 

[Solace]

By realizing that, no matter how hard you try, you cannot make a mistake. You can only learn and grow upwards into greater levels of love, unity and oneness!

Namaste. I’m grateful for you, and all my love for your journey where mistakes no longer exist; only growth.

Everything is here to help you. Everything is here for you to enjoy and expand from.

[dorg]

8 hours ago, Gligorije said:

uhh. ok. so i understand it intellectually that it's determined, and that i can't control it, nevertheless i get angry. eg last night i went to a shit party,could of have used the energy to lift at home, wasted an hour there idk why i even stayed, got my dopamine sensitivity raped by shit music, and had sleep troubles later. it still hurts so fucking much!!! 

You would not get angry if you did not think angry thoughts. Watch what you are thinking.

[Manjushri]

@iamme Well it basically boils down to - I do thing - thing has unpleasant outcome (sensation) - i angry. aversion or i do thing - i desire other thing done - i angry and beat myself up

[Manjushri]

@Solace nooooo bro some mistakes just have nothing to learn from they're just stupid. but on the other hand, i wouldn't of have made this post had i. not made a mistake... hmmm

[Colin]

@Gligorije The premise of the Emotional Freedom Technique is that you start the process off with saying "even though I *blank* I love and accept my self completely . Then you go through the issue and state various thoughts around the issue. You can't force it to work, but in the right context at the right time it can be very helpful.
 

 

[Gabriel Antonio]

On 8/26/2018 at 10:25 AM, Gligorije said:

last night i went to a shit party,could of have used the energy to lift at home, wasted an hour there idk why i even stayed, got my dopamine sensitivity raped by shit music, and had sleep troubles later. it still hurts so fucking much!!! 

Do you think that going to the party was a mistake? Or did you make "silly mistakes" during the party?

Also: Are you an introvert? It also seems you are a highly sensitive person. 

Can you write more in detail about this party? It sure looks that it made you suffer a lot...  

Edited August 27, 2018 by Gabriel Antonio

[Manjushri]

@Gabriel AntonioAntonioAntonioAntonioAntonioAntonioAntonioAntonio//

didn't suffer much, yeah i am highly sensitive, it's just that i thought going to a party would be fun but i didn't know at the time that i wasn't actually even in the mood for it. and i even stayed there. i care about my sensitivity too, so i don't do things that numb my reward system. it's basically me just bitching about a small mistake and unpleasant sensations (i had shit sleep that night which made unpleasant feelings linger on another day) im trying hard to live each day as the best and last so such mistakes hurt me gravely if you get me. it's stupid

shit party, shit music, didn't do anything, wasted time and energy, got my dopamine sensitivity fucked, basically sisyphus' doing. made me angry lol

Edited August 27, 2018 by Gligorije

[Gabriel Antonio]

2 hours ago, Gligorije said:

shit party, shit music, didn't do anything, wasted time and energy, got my dopamine sensitivity fucked, basically sisyphus' doing. made me angry lol

I have been there. When I'm at a party, I usually try to find someone interesting to talk. I don't always find one though... When that happens, I feel very self-conscious and my mind starts to race. As a result, I end up feeling completely drained afterwards... 

I'm curious: what type of mistakes did you make? Were they like small social mistakes? (Like, saying "stupid" things, stuttering, etc.?)

Edited August 27, 2018 by Gabriel Antonio

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, Gligorije said:

shit party, shit music, didn't do anything, wasted time and energy, got my dopamine sensitivity fucked, basically sisyphus' doing. made me angry lol

That’s one side of the coin, “what you don’t want”.

Flip it now:

On the other side, now you know what you do want.

 

You can see what you do want, directly in / while there is an experience of what you don’t want. 

Only seeing that one side of the coin, is insanity. 

 

[Manjushri]

@Nahm and what do I do with this knowledge?

[Nahm]

@Gligorije

What did you learn you don’t want?

[robdl]

On 8/25/2018 at 6:40 PM, Gligorije said:

This has been an obstacle for me for quite a while now. Intellectually knowing that it's out of my control doesn't help (most of the time) 

See how thought habitually moves away from what-is, to the past (regrets, mistakes)?  Isn't the mind always either moving away to the past or projecting ahead into the future?  

The ego/mind loves regret because the mind therefore gets to compulsively invoke memory/the past, which sustains the movement of ego/thought-self.

Ego mind feeds on memory/the past.  

Ego mind feeds on resistance (condemnation of mistakes/self-judgment).    As resistance too is a movement/escape away from what-is.

The mind is always denying what-is/the now, and will use resistance/memory/regret to do so.

 

Edited August 27, 2018 by robdl

[Charlotte]

@robdl so sneaky and deceptive!!