By Ar_Senses
in Dating, Sexuality, Relationships, Family,
Hello there, my dear lovers of infinite jerking!
I need some help so here are some interesting Case for you. I will very grateful for your help, because I'm stuck. I'm 23 y.o.
Please, help me to solve my biggest obstacle in relationship.
History: 1,5 year of realationships with girlfriend, living together in a small one-room apartment. I have a very unpleasant problem in the relationship, which has dragged on for a long time. I will be very honest with you and I hope for help from those of you who know more about how relationships works.
Her perspective: regularly condemns and criticizes me for how I behave with other people. For lack of sensitivity and attention, straightforwardness and carelessness. Becoming pissed of the fact that some of my reactions look like "teenage", often spell the phrase "my man should not be like that".
Her justification: She is sure that her position is right and that people need to worry and experience each other and sometimes to sacrifice their interests in common. This is the way of life.
She believes that my behavior and "teenage reactions" to some situations are can't have any value, which means that I should easily let them go and accept her worldview regarding the issue of social interaction. Her Clues: She rightly believes that she is skilled better in matters of everyday life, comfort, etc. She grew up in a strong full family, a loving mother, stepfather and sister, which, in her opinion, gives her the right to "authority" in such matters. I lived 18 years in a one-room apartment with my mother (without father), who gave birth to me at the age of 20, I did not do much of my education, I often found resonance in the rap of Kendrick Lamar and his ballads about the life of teenagers left to themselves. My most underdeveloped qualities are "Modesty and humility; Industry, diligence, and perseverance; Self-control and self-regulation; Citizenship, teamwork, and loyalty ". Sometimes it seems to me that I can use abusive behavior: I have been cursing as a child since my childhood and was cruel emotionally, and young and attractive women are often associated for me with sex and pleasure. Before that, I had 4 "serious" girls, a break with each of which was painful and unpleasant for me and them, and each relationship did not last more than 7 months. My perspective: I regularly feel censored and editable; I get annoyed when she give me an example of how "normal" and what others can "think" about me/her/us. I do not see that she ever doubted her own convictions and tried to work with herself. My justification: I'm very cheerful, extrovert, charming guy. I have many friends, women often gets attracted, people find my sense of humor as fun and am quite successful in terms of career for my age. Many people describe me as a kind, cheerful, sincere and wise guy.
In fact, I'm afraid that my girl, without realizing herself, is doing the work of the collective ego and if I make myself what she wants me to be, I'll spiral backward, and my connection with the authentic self will become thinner.
I worked on myself for more than four years, meditated, watched a lot of videos, read books, pondered and went to the retreats of Vipassana, Ayahuaska, Bufo Alvarius, thinking a lot about how the world works and what the Ego is, and so on. I have a rich life experience. My Clues: Before meeting me, she did not even think about the nature of reality, self-development and purpose. She used to think that the cause of problems is outside. She attaches great importance to appearance, to what others will think about her. She’s become ashamed easily if someone sees her failure or weak. She is often ashamed of herself and her imperfections. We have certain difficulties with sexuality, it becomes much more relaxed, if she comes a little bit drunk from meeting with girlfriends. Question: I can not understand which of us is right and who is wrong. Who plays what role in this conflict of convictions and, most importantly, how to come to peace and quiet. I do not understand the ways that would help me to establish peace and learn how to negotiate, so that not one of us would feel that we were "enslaved" by other people's values, which the other does not agree with. This takes a lot of time and energy and it's stupid. P.s. You can check out my trip report form 5-meo-dmt retreat to know me better and go deeper in understanding, BTW it's intresting
She believes that my behavior and "teenage reactions" to some situations are can't have any value, which means that I should easily let them go and accept her worldview regarding the issue of social interaction. Her Clues: She rightly believes that she is skilled better in matters of everyday life, comfort, etc. She grew up in a strong full family, a loving mother, stepfather and sister, which, in her opinion, gives her the right to "authority" in such matters. I lived 18 years in a one-room apartment with my mother (without father), who gave birth to me at the age of 20, I did not do much of my education, I often found resonance in the rap of Kendrick Lamar and his ballads about the life of teenagers left to themselves. My most underdeveloped qualities are "Modesty and humility; Industry, diligence, and perseverance; Self-control and self-regulation; Citizenship, teamwork, and loyalty ". Sometimes it seems to me that I can use abusive behavior: I have been cursing as a child since my childhood and was cruel emotionally, and young and attractive women are often associated for me with sex and pleasure. Before that, I had 4 "serious" girls, a break with each of which was painful and unpleasant for me and them, and each relationship did not last more than 7 months. My perspective: I regularly feel censored and editable; I get annoyed when she give me an example of how "normal" and what others can "think" about me/her/us. I do not see that she ever doubted her own convictions and tried to work with herself. My justification: I'm very cheerful, extrovert, charming guy. I have many friends, women often gets attracted, people find my sense of humor as fun and am quite successful in terms of career for my age. Many people describe me as a kind, cheerful, sincere and wise guy.
In fact, I'm afraid that my girl, without realizing herself, is doing the work of the collective ego and if I make myself what she wants me to be, I'll spiral backward, and my connection with the authentic self will become thinner.
I worked on myself for more than four years, meditated, watched a lot of videos, read books, pondered and went to the retreats of Vipassana, Ayahuaska, Bufo Alvarius, thinking a lot about how the world works and what the Ego is, and so on. I have a rich life experience. My Clues: Before meeting me, she did not even think about the nature of reality, self-development and purpose. She used to think that the cause of problems is outside. She attaches great importance to appearance, to what others will think about her. She’s become ashamed easily if someone sees her failure or weak. She is often ashamed of herself and her imperfections. We have certain difficulties with sexuality, it becomes much more relaxed, if she comes a little bit drunk from meeting with girlfriends. Question: I can not understand which of us is right and who is wrong. Who plays what role in this conflict of convictions and, most importantly, how to come to peace and quiet. I do not understand the ways that would help me to establish peace and learn how to negotiate, so that not one of us would feel that we were "enslaved" by other people's values, which the other does not agree with. This takes a lot of time and energy and it's stupid. P.s. You can check out my trip report form 5-meo-dmt retreat to know me better and go deeper in understanding, BTW it's intresting
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