No Sex since mid-May. Wait and suffer, leave, cheat?

[Deutsche22]

Looking for advice. Last time with wife was around mid-May 2018. I have had several conversations with her about this. The first few attempts she became angry and stormed out of the room saying that sex is all I think about and that I want it 10 times a day... 

The next few attempts she became irritated and said that is all I ever bring up. 

The last attempt we finally had a productive talk. She said she has zero drive, swore that it was not me at all. (We have been through all of that, me telling her it appears that she is through with the relationship, she strongly denies it). This sexless trend has been in the making for 3 years. Just got less and less frequent to the now dead state.

We left it at that but she will not do anything to try to change her lack of desire and I have given up trying to try to get her in the mood, even leaving her alone for weeks at a time.

*Disclaimer, she is menopausal, has seen a doctor but refuses to go get the blood work that was directed, drinks too much alcohol. These may be factors of course but c'mon, zero intimacy??? I even tried to get her to agree to a 10 second makeout session once a day just to try to bridge the gap a little. She made it one day. 

I am very in shape, good looking, successful, etc. (...not smelly, as Leo refers to, lol).

We have a house together and a 5 year old daughter.

I feel like she has left me with no choice but to wait, and suffer, leave and destroy everything, or cheat.

What would you do?

Thank you anyone who reads this!

P.S. I am Awakening since fall 2015 after my Mom's death and it coincided with the finding of Leo. THANK YOU FOREVER LEO!!! (It is very lonely Awakening as you know because everyone else is totally unconscious, asleep...).

[Truth]

I'd say stop trying to have sex with her and focus on building deeper rapport/emotional connection with her. Sounds like she doesn't feel love on an emotional/rapport level with you. UNDERSTAND her and love her to death without using your dick and see how that goes.

 

 

[Hello from Russia]

I double last comment

Go watch this video from stage turquoise example megathread. Action starts from 1:50 ~.  Will give you an idea about intimacy 

 

[eleveneleven]

That's rough, man.

Trying to get someone to do something they don't want is sort of a lose-lose situation, though. Even if she agrees, it will be grudging and the sex will probably not be that awesome.

Have you considered having sex with a different woman? One who actually wants to have sex with you, and doesn't need so much convincing? That doesn't mean you need to cheat (which I certainly don't recommend); you could inform your wife that you will seek out another sex partner, so that it takes that duty off her plate and she doesn't have to stress about it anymore.

This also doesn't mean you have to ask her for permission (it's your body, after all); just informing her, though, will allow her to be able to make her own decision about how to respond, and then you can negotiate from there if she has a problem with it.

I'm all for building a deeper relationship with her, but that can be hard to do if you're super hard up and your brain keeps getting distracted by the needs of your dick. (You won't be able to help approaching her with the "hidden agenda" of sex.) It's sort of like trying to do work while you're hungry and you can't stop thinking about food. If you can find a way to meet those bodily needs in some way AND deepen your relationship with her, then you'll probably be able to approach her with a clearer head and less neediness.

[Truth]

@Hello from Russia Holy mother fuck, I never seen this video.. Wow... Kind of blown away by it, thanks for the share and posting it here.

@eleveneleven No. He needs to realize his dick is getting in the way and how it's getting in the way and that his desire to "meet those bodily needs" and his "hidden agenda of sex" is creating the issue in the first place.

Edited August 23, 2018 by Truth

[Strikr]

50 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:

I double last comment

Go watch this video from stage turquoise example megathread. Action starts from 1:50 ~.  Will give you an idea about intimacy 

 

he could be stage rainbow that he could still get this type of girl by doing "nothing". She is ok, but there is more beautiful girl and so more hard to get.

this video sadly prove not something besides that his mindset and confidence is strong ( turquoise or not )

 

the video is cool to watch, but if you want to see really really crazy thing and believe that "everything is possible", just go to a music festival, you'll be like crazy from all the event everywhere. ( for me it was more than open minding )

People are all insane in music festival ( in EU ) 

and this guy is pretty good looking, without being a girl I m sure he is attractive and in the physic male higher tier aswell, he could have get her, even being stage blue lel.

 

When you are far from the idea already existing in the mind of girl ( like being short, not being in the "standard" )

being short, it's already loose it, I could pick up girl like this, but not "all" of them, even if I became coral

like if the budha could pick up hot girl just by touching her, hahahaha

 

I m not sayin you can't do it being even fucking ugly, but you can't do that with "all girl" , even stage turquoise. He choose carefully who "seduce"

the problem is this video doesn't really prove anything, it's just fun to watch. He could aswell have been rejected sometimes and not show you the video.

I can know in evaluating my physic and the type of girl and her way of moving, what are my rate of success. ( confidence in the girl = low rate = higher chance ) in fact I can't "guess", but just believe in myself, and if it doesn't work, it's just that something you couldn't control wasn't here.

the girl was a bit ok for respond to his advance, but some would maybe not like what he did. 

 

I'll pick up the best girl tomorow with the same kind of techniques ( being in the full feeling )

Yes girl are not "minded", you have to be "feeling" I just get that like recently ( I m too nerdy in my thinking ).

 

for the author : 

Sometimes medication ( any pills ) and food can kill the sexual drive of people, and so play on their mind.

 

 

 

Edited August 23, 2018 by Strikr

[eleveneleven]

21 minutes ago, Truth said:

@eleveneleven No. He needs to realize his dick is getting in the way and how it's getting in the way and that his desire to "meet those bodily needs" and his "hidden agenda of sex" is creating the issue in the first place.

No. What he needs is what I say he needs. My assessment of the situation is right and yours is wrong. Any other way of approaching the situation or viewing it through some other perspective is wrong and not what he needs. He totally could not benefit from viewing things through several perspectives at once.

(  )

[Hello from Russia]

@Strikr I shared this video not for the "pickup" part of it but to show how real intimacy can look like

[Truth]

26 minutes ago, eleveneleven said:

No. What he needs is what I say he needs. My assessment of the situation is right and yours is wrong. Any other way of approaching the situation or viewing it through some other perspective is wrong and not what he needs. He totally could not benefit from viewing things through several perspectives at once.

(  )

lol I'm sorry, don't be offended I just think it's bad advice, which of course --> is my opinion. <3

[Ananta]

@Deutsche22 Is she on any SSRI antidepressants? Seriously, they are not good for the sex drive. They can make it non-existent.

[Arkandeus]

just keep respectfully sharing your desire with her that you want to have sex with her

this is what you feel

and let her keep sharing her real feelings with you, if she expresses that she does not want it so be it

its what she feels

 

there is no conflict here, it might seem so but there is no conflict

you express that you want sex, she express that she doesn't, there's harmony

one doesn't need to be right or wrong, again, you have full permission to express your desires and pursue them with absolute confidence and well being and so does she

this is a success, because you both communicate your deepest most realest feelings!

you want sex, she doesn't! ok

that doesn't mean you should stop expressing what you want, keep doing so respectfully meaning in a loving way, and she as well must share her feelings with respect and love

Quote

the last attempt we finally had a productive talk. She said she has zero drive, swore that it was not me at all

see this? you broke her defenses, simply by keeping to stay true to yourself, sharing your desire, she did the same and she was honest with you, this is a complete succes, she went from being angry to you and blaming you to sharing whats going on deep inside her, this is a wonderful success, its communication, profound communication, what an improvement over her getting angry at you and even accusing you of being sexually addicted, which is false of course, the desire for sex is very natural, especially with your partner

but I hope you can realize how truly huge this improvement is in her reaction, this is good

 

as long as you keep being real, sharing your desires with your wife while giving her the space to say no (it has to be arespectful no, do not tolerate lack of love, you deserve love as much as she does) as long as there is this space for a no, and a no is given with care, or a yes is given, things will only get better, guarantee

defenses will fall down, walls will break, being honest with respect and love is like shining a light as strong as the sun, everything will change, I guarantee that

keep following your desires and respecting hers, both will merge in love

Edited August 24, 2018 by Arkandeus

[eleveneleven]

1 hour ago, Truth said:

lol I'm sorry, don't be offended I just think it's bad advice, which of course --> is my opinion. <3

I'm not offended. I just think there are many different possible ways to approach this issue, depending on the person's specific situation, and my suggestion was merely one approach.

One can look at it this way: If you're having trouble communicating with someone because you are hungry and haven't eaten in awhile, and that person is holding the only tray of food in the world that you're allowed to eat from, then you can easily see how there's a potential for drama there. There are ways to mitigate this; just two of the many options could be:

1) Allow yourself to eat from a different plate, satiate your hunger, then go communicate and work together without the burden of that immediate neediness. (What I suggested, basically.)

2) Transcend hunger. Learn that hunger is not the root problem, and that you can't be ruled by your stomach. (What you are suggesting, essentially.)

I could see both strategies being useful, and being good advice or bad advice depending on the situation. It depends on where the person is in their life and what direction they need to grow in next. Maybe they are not ready to master their sex urge just yet. For some people, you can tell them to transcend a bodily urge all you want, but it doesn't address the current problem they're dealing with, and in that case it would be bad advice. They would just end up running themselves in circles. And other times, the person is ready to deal with the deeper issue instead of the more superficial one. It depends.

[billiesimon]

3 hours ago, Hello from Russia said:

I double last comment

Go watch this video from stage turquoise example megathread. Action starts from 1:50 ~.  Will give you an idea about intimacy 

 

This video is insane (in a good way).

This man is so present in reality and so clean of thoughts that he attracted her with just being.

This is in my opinion where pickup artistry should be headed towards. Being and thus loving.

[d0ornokey]

@Hello from Russia where can I watch more? there's no youtube channel and his website is not finished

[aurum]

@Deutsche22

Okay brother, hard truth time. I think she wants does want sex. Just not with you. Not like this.

Guys make this mistake all the time, myself included.

The sex slows down and you can't understand what happens. In your mind, nothing has changed. So the solution should be to have a rational discussion about what is happening. Maybe go to therapy. Maybe strike some kind of deal, e.g your 10 second makeout plan.

But it doesn't work. And then you're left more clueless than ever.

The reason why it doesn't work is because you haven't solved the real problem. The real problem is that, DESPITE WHAT SHE SAYS, she is not attracted to you. Not anymore at least.

Ironically, the very act of you trying to talk to her about this or come up with some kind of deal is making the situation worse and worse. It just further reinforces that you are not an attractive man, which is why she got pissed.

5 hours ago, Deutsche22 said:

What would you do?

The best solution is not to end up with this situation in the first place. But since you have, here's my advice.

You gave up on trying to talk her into having sex. That's a good start, but really all you've done is stop digging yourself deeper into a hole. Now you've got to start climbing out.

Get back in touch with your masculine core. Start dominating your life purpose everyday if you're not already. Get some swagger back in your step. Lead. Be decisive about things, even if they seem trivial. And just start living your life in a way that you love, even without her.

I admit that this strategy may not work. It's an imperfect way of solving this problem and there's a lot of nuances that could fuck this up. But considering you're already married, I'd say it's your best shot.

[Ananta]

I really dont want to use myself as an example in this..ugh, but to help the OP, if that's possible, I will. I was "exactly" like your wife for many, many years, EXCEPT I knew if my husband and I didn't have some sex he would leave or cheat.

So, after years of fighting about and him begging for....sex. I came up with a schedule I could live with, he hated being put on a shedule! Twice a week (usually Monday and Wednesday) my husband got a lifeless, passionless quickie, then on Saturday the full deal with oral included. So, we had this "schedule", he got off, but there was no passion. I felt nothing usually, except on Saturdays, sometimes with the oral.

For years I didn't know why I felt no desire, no urge for sex, ever. I had when I was younger, then it just stopped. Welllllll, I now know what happened. I was put on antidepressants in my mid 20's, stayed on them for many years. I was taken off them about a year ago... and wow! I have a high to normal libido now. 

So, it wasnt my husband, it wasnt him at all. It was what I had said over the years a million times. I just had zero sex drive. Now I know it was medication related. For others, maybe it's hormones and they should get them checked. 

I have a very happy hubby now ?.  He calls me his new wife.

[Ar_Senses]

2 hours ago, Anna1 said:

I really dont want to use myself as an example in this..ugh, but to help the OP, if that's possible, I will. I was "exactly" like your wife for many, many years, EXCEPT I knew if my husband and I didn't have some sex he would leave or cheat.

So, after years of fighting about and him begging for....sex. I came up with a schedule I could live with, he hated being put on a shedule! Twice a week (usually Monday and Wednesday) my husband got a lifeless, passionless quickie, then on Saturday the full deal with oral included. So, we had this "schedule", he got off, but there was no passion. I felt nothing usually, except on Saturdays, sometimes with the oral.

For years I didn't know why I felt no desire, no urge for sex, ever. I had when I was younger, then it just stopped. Welllllll, I now know what happened. I was put on antidepressants in my mid 20's, stayed on them for many years. I was taken off them about a year ago... and wow! I have a high to normal libido now. 

So, it wasnt my husband, it wasnt him at all. It was what I had said over the years a million times. I just had zero sex drive. Now I know it was medication related. For others, maybe it's hormones and they should get them checked. 

I have a very happy hubby now ?.  He calls me his new wife.

I have the same problem with GF, but she not on the antidepressants. But she struggle a lot with shame and self-esteem, we 1,5 year together and never even went oral. What you think can help to solve it?

I've written more about it, can you please check it out and share your thoughts on it

 

Edited August 24, 2018 by Ar_Senses

[Lynnel]

15 hours ago, Hello from Russia said:

I double last comment

Go watch this video from stage turquoise example megathread. Action starts from 1:50 ~.  Will give you an idea about intimacy 

 

Flash News : pick up video infields are very very often staged as they are great marketing. They hire actresses. Typical Orange : of course we're gonna make it seem like the pick up works and make it as blantant and flashy as possible so more people buy our products !

As for @Deutsche22 Consider the fact that she is most likely already cheating on you on someone she finds attractive. She will be cruel and unapologetic about it. Pray that your country laws will allow you to keep your custody on your daughter. Orange women will treat you like utter garbage if you are not attractive = this is a ticking clock : she will cheat on you at some point and/or file for divorce. Most likely she is waiting for some event to pull the plug and then will leave you. That's what orange people do : deny everything and then suddently fuck you over and disappear in the mist. Most likely ( I don't know your situation so don't assume the worst either !!) she has already decided to leave.

You have two choices : Aurum high consciousness route when you work on yourself and hope it brings the spark back into the relationship and everything is solved. You could try couple counseling, etc. But there are no magic fixes for a relationship that has been degrading for 3 years.

OR you deploy orange shady tactics to fuck her over before she does. Or at least prepair for court and think about some strategies you can to keep your property and to keep seeing your daughter. This is a complicated issue but try to act with integrity nonetheless. But if you see that she is completely unforgiving and doesn't give a shit about your well being feel free to do the same and try to get the most you can out of it.

You can always get to green, yellow, turquoise later on it's fine to act like this at orange at least to avoid her walking all over you.

Edited August 24, 2018 by Lynnel

[Ananta]

@Ar_Senses It seems you have a lot of problems with her, not just sexually or her libido. Perhaps, you aren't meant for each other? I really dont have relationship advice. Sorry

[h inandout]

You have identified with wanting sex.  She has identified with wanting only things other than sex.  She is not going to change. This is the fundamental conflict.