How can i achieve success if i don't even know what success is?

[Recursoinominado]

I noticed that a have some sort of success block and i had an insight about the fact that i can't even imagine what someone did to be successful, i grow up in an unsuccessful family and all i see is failure so it is all i know so i simply can't grasp that reality of someone that it is successful. I mean, i know you have to grind some hundreds of boring loneliness hours learning skills and executing your work/art but i feel that i don't have a full grasp of this reality, i never saw anyone studying long hours or whatever. All i see around me is failure and to me is kind of a belief that i am bound to be one. I see a professor in my university, i look at him and his mastery of some subject, i see his successful career, i see his money but i can't even imagine this being me it's like he has something that i don't. I noticed that i self-sabotage a lot and fear failure a lot. How can i change this? 

Edited August 21, 2018 by Recursoinominado

[B_Naz]

By being the person who studies for long hours. By being the success. If you keep thinking that you can't be successful, then you won't be. 

Keep thinking positively and keep thinking success. Every action you do is in the name of success. Gotta work long hours? Do it because you want to be successful and earn everything you want.

Do you know why you can be successful? Because "people" have always been successful, and last time you checked, you're part of the people. Your professor is only human, he isn't this amazing person. Sure he worked hard and made something out of nothing and that's what you see as amazement but look, he's just a regular person, just like you. You can do the same, because you're human, just like him and have potential. 

Difference between a successful person and you is that they have a vision and a purpose. Other than that, there is no other difference (that I can note of). They are human and you are human, nothing is impossible. If they can do it, why can't you, you're a person

[Leo Gura]

@Recursoinominado Visualize for 10 minutes every day for the next 30 days yourself being hardworking and successful.

Visualize it hardcore, like your life depends on it. Put full confidence and feeling into each of those 10 minutes. Forcing all negative thoughts and doubt out of your time for those 10 minutes.

That will fix it.

But only if you actually do it every day.

Don't make the excuse: "But I can't visualize it because I've never seen it." That's nonsense. You have an imagination which can visualize all sorts of things you haven't seen, like a flying rainbow mammoth. Your imagination is how you bootstrap success.

[exhale]

2 Points to consider: 

- Consider your peer group, surround yourself with positive, passionate, successful-minded individuals. 

- There is some weight the the statement: "Fake it until you make it". 

[brugluiz]

There is a story that Roberto Shinyashiki tells in one of his book:

You're already a winner. You won the race among many sperms, so it makes you a winner.

I remember this mindset helped to win some Chinese Boxing fights when I was younger.

Edit: I enjoyed more the process than the prizes.

Edited August 22, 2018 by brugluiz

[Hansu]

I recommend reading Bruce Lee's biography. Its nice view into life of a ruthless man with no clear goal but still acing everything what he decided to do. Its a rather long book, but full of details about everything he did

‎"The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus."

-Bruce Lee

[St Clair]

@Hansu Thank you for recommending it. I train Wu Shu Kung fu, and only now am I seeing that he is a brilliant idol that I should be learning more about. A true warrior. Cheers! 

[Hansu]

@St Clair

 

No problem! I recommend the Audible version. Hours just fly by as you listen to the book

[St Clair]

@Feel Good Way too easy! haha, thanks for the reminder though brother. Can never hear this advice enough.

[Nahm]

15 hours ago, Recursoinominado said:

i know you have to grind some hundreds of boring loneliness hours learning skills and executing your work/art but i feel that i don't have a full grasp of this reality,

That’s your  idea of success / reality, and as a vision of a future you yourself would want, it sucks - as in - it’s not true for you at all, and will never inspire. 

You are your own reality, shared objective reality is illusionary. 

There is no reason that you can’t be realized, actualized, a millionaire, a minimalist, spiritually fulfilled, devotedly compassionate, and meaninglessly drunk in the divinity of freedom / love. 

 

[exhale]

7 hours ago, Hansu said:

 

‎"The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus."

-Bruce Lee

Killer quote.  I had never heard/read it before today.  I love how it emphasizes personal responsibility and accountability in a very subtle empowering way.  

[Recursoinominado]

@B_Naz I have studied self-development enough to "know" all of this, i know that we all have potential, that's exactly my problem, althought i "know" this, i don't FEEL it, in fact, i feel the exact opposite and tried to use lots of tactics to create success and develop discipline and work ethic but i feel that i am fighting an uphill battle and no matter how much willpower i spent, it is never enough.

@Leo Gura Thank you, that's exactly what i need! I was aware of such techniques but i think i never really believe in them. Now i see that i have a problem with self-image (started to read psycho-cybernetics) and visualization could be just what i need. And as i trust that you are a smart person, i will follow your advice, in fact, i started yesterday.

@exhale Yeah, i don't know much people to model. I have a best friend that was kind of disciplined as me but has developed an awesome work ethic in the last year (studying 6h to 8h a day, 6~7 days a week), i tried to use him as a model and "fake it until i made it" but i found that i backslide every time.

@Feel Good I agree with you, in fact, i have almost completed Leo's life purpose course but i don't think i am ready yet, i have to address this problem of belief, it is not sustainable to try to achieve success with only willpower.

@Nahm The thing is, i really believe that i can "get" enlightened in this lifetime but i find it hard to believe that i can have a successful career or something like it. It is illogical, i know, but it is what it is.

@Caterpillar I agree with you, in fact, i was guiding my life based on this "truth" so i basically made my spiritual development my main goal (including enlightenment) in order to be happy in all situations and i am kind of successful in this manner BUT i also noticed that i was pursuing enlightenment because i assumed that i would fail at everything else in life (specially career and financially) so i HAD to be happy in all circumstances. I feel that i am bound to be a failure and my life is kind of going in that direction making me fearful, insecure and anxious each day. 

[Nahm]

@Recursoinominado When / where did you pick up that thinking / belief?

[aurum]

1 hour ago, Recursoinominado said:

@Leo Gura Thank you, that's exactly what i need! I was aware of such techniques but i think i never really believe in them. Now i see that i have a problem with self-image (started to read psycho-cybernetics) and visualization could be just what i need. And as i trust that you are a smart person, i will follow your advice, in fact, i started yesterday.

I'll just add that if you find it hard to sit and imagine what success looks like just by sitting and closing your eyes, there are alternatives.

The best way is to actually get around successful people as much as possible. I've found that visualizing doesn't compare to spending time in person with someone who you want to model.

Reading a autobiography / biography is another great way to visualize success. Just by reading their story, your mind automatically starts forming all these mental pictures of what it would look like.

YouTube is also your friend. Watch videos of people doing what you want to achieve. Then you don't have to even imagine it, you can just see it with your own two eyes.

[Recursoinominado]

@Nahm From Leo's videos  And his life purpose course. I haven't expressed myself properly, what i mean is that in order to be successful, you have to be willing to do what i have said. For instance, i am a law student, it means that in order to succeed, have to be able to sit long boring lonely hours and study the subject BUT if in my mind i can't believe that i can succeed, my brain simply shuts down, my focus is almost non-existant, i become extremely distracted, give up easily, have so much problem to understand the concepts, get anxious so every time i even THINK about studying, my body/mind says "hell no" and i procrastinate like hell, often self-sabotage and when i brute-force my way into studying, every moment is like i described. I spent YEARS of self-development (actually, i discovered the self-help industry when i was trying to solve this puzzle), i grown-up so much but this problem remains and recently i have the fucking insight i needed and came to the conclusion that i stated in my first post. It's a self-image issue, not a logical one. 

@aurum I will continue to try this although i tried before and didn't helped much since as i stated previously, even if i get to know successful people, i have a really tough time to imagine myself in his place, i noticed that the feeling has this quality of "i am not enough, he/she is different, almost superhuman-like". 

[Nahm]

@Recursoinominado Have you written down your dream life?