shy idiot needs help

[KenDo]

Hi, so there is this guy (me) that has a crush on a waitress (10/10 hot) and he wants to ask her out but he has no real dating experience and is introverted by nature. He also finds it hard to approach and usually blanks out when he makes the courage to talk to a hot girl. This time he doesn't want to mess it up so, what should he do? Thanks for reading this my friends ^^

[MarkusSweden]

@KenDo Let's say I have a crush on her as well. 

I would just go with my feelings and excitement and see what happens. If I mess up, that could be great fun, I would laugh, and eventually she might be more turned on to see my relaxed attitude after messing up, then if I had played my cards perfect. 

You on the other hand, you like to make sure it becomes 'perfect', you want to prepare, HOW BORING. 

Who do you think would get the girl? 

Girls like spontaneous guys, open guys, don't bother about messing up. Allow it to happen, and you will get that girl! 

And don't ever call yourself 'idiot', and you shyness can you work upon. Remember that if you shy, you have a possibility to be brave, and girls like brave guys. Just walk up to her and ask her out even if you don't dare to do it. 

Also, many shy guys turn out to be too cocky later in life, they get an over confident persona, that is not attractive at all. 

Confidence is just letting out emotions and intuitions without second thoughts about them, no need to feel better or worse than others. 

Below is two down to earth guys, also the two best players of all time in the game of tennis, watch this clip and realise nothing has to be taking too serious, if it goes wrong, LAUGH AT IT. Be the easygoing low key kind of guy and the girl will go crazy about you, and if she doesn't someone else will. There are MANY girls out there.  

Sorry for bad English, my English is just as bad as Nadal's in the video below.  

 

Edited August 21, 2018 by MarkusSweden

[MarkusSweden]

@Feel Good Come on, he's a young guy asking a girl out. That means the world to a young man, it's natural that you don't feel confident the first time. 

We should be more positive I think!

 

[MarkusSweden]

1 minute ago, Feel Good said:

You want to sabotage him? 

No, see my other answer above. 

[MarkusSweden]

11 minutes ago, Feel Good said:

You're looking for a debate?

 

No, I'm not, I suck at debates. 

I know you are good at debates, that's mind activity, and you are drawn towards the mind all the time. 

Me? Well, I'm drawn towards awareness and consciousness, hence I'm not good at debating, nor do I enjoy debates.

The only things that is fake in your profile picture are the two hearts, but you are truly a monkey, a school example of a monkey mind.  

Edited August 21, 2018 by MarkusSweden

[MarkusSweden]

6 minutes ago, Feel Good said:

@MarkusSweden

Ask yourself, i mean, really look at the ops worldview. 

Are you really trying to pull the wool over all of ours eyes by saying he's a little bit nervous?

I want you to think about this for a moment. Because if you're healthy and you know what nervous butterflies are really like, you would most certainly not be saying the things you are saying. 

 

Don't talk with me about nervous butterflies, I lost my virgin at 23 years of age because of them, I wanted to make sure I was perfect even the first time. When girls fall in love with me, I didn't want to sleep with them for fear of changing the idealised picture that they had of me. Now, that is some fear and vain right there. 

You can't be perfect at the very beginning, no one can.

Looking back, I would love if someone told me it's ok to fuck up.  

Edited August 21, 2018 by MarkusSweden

[MarkusSweden]

5 minutes ago, Feel Good said:

@MarkusSweden

You're projecting.

 

Maybe, not anything that I'm aware of, I might do it subconsciously though. 

 

Edited August 21, 2018 by MarkusSweden

[Colin]

I know this book used to be one of Leo's favorites (not sure whether or not it is anymore)



I actually haven't read it yet ( Though I'd like to). So I don't mean this as any kind of prescription.

[RabbitHole]

1 hour ago, Colin said:

I know this book used to be one of Leo's favorites (not sure whether or not it is anymore)



I actually haven't read it yet ( Though I'd like to). So I don't mean this as any kind of prescription.

This book is amazing read this and Mark Manson "Models, attract trough honesty". Superior man is good and must read for every male but Mark Mansons book will change your life, that's only thing you need to read and you will have no questions about dating. It's really different from usual dating books and you will be amazed how extremely relatable It will be. Read that and you won't ask how to ask her out.

[RabbitHole]

1 minute ago, RabbitHole said:

This book is amazing read this and Mark Manson "Models, attract trough honesty". Superior man is good and must read for every male but Mark Mansons book will change your life, that's only thing you need to read and you will have no questions about dating. It's really different from usual dating books and you will be amazed how extremely relatable It will be. Read that and you won't ask how to ask her out.

I don't wan't to be rude but don't ask her out before reading It, the way you wrote this post tells you have no chances, like for real. You can get offended If you wan't or you can read that book and understand how It actually works.

[aurum]

@KenDo

Consider that your problem is not your problem. The fact that you don't know what to do in this particular situation is just at the surface of things.

More root cause would be this:

9 hours ago, KenDo said:

has no real dating experience and is introverted by nature. He also finds it hard to approach and usually blanks out when he makes the courage to talk to a hot girl.

So either we can give you a bunch of advice on what to say this to girl. Or you can decide that what is more important is learning how to be an attractive man in general. Then you won't have to even ask this question.

[Spiral]

I see dating as have having three stages.

The Introduction stage, a short date to determine if you actually like the other persons company. The key here is to make them easy to stop when you don’t want to continue. This means that visiting a park and going for a walk or having ice cream or something very simple should be what you do. I like going to a cafeteria. This applies even if you like the girl already, since she will be more likely to say yes. Although if you know each other very well already you can skip this stage.

The second stage is a more serious date with the intention  to finding out if the girl is suitable to be your partner, this is were you ask more personal questions. This date could be in a restaurant over lunch or something.

Date number 3 can be the so ever so romantic restaurant visit, but here you can bring the flirting up to 11 and you often end up sleeping together. This date is more physical in general. If she stayed over I highly advice making the two of you breakfast in bed while she sleeps. Picknick with wine, cooking togerher stuff like this.

What about kissing? If the first date went well and you have flirted and she has too go for it at the end, otherwise save it for the second date. I generally pay unless she has a problem with it, you don’t wanna the have the awkward “who is going to pay?” situation. Be prepared that you might have sex on the first or second date but I wouldn’t try.

Edited August 22, 2018 by Spiral

[Moreira]

Do you know the story of the lazy squirrel that spends the autumn hanging around and doesnt gather nuts for the winter...

The winter comes and bam! he dies of hunger!

You are the squirrel, the girl 10/10 is the winter.

I'm sorry to say but if you have zero practice in dating you should have worked on that because this is a skill like playing guitar that requires time and you cant pretend achieve a  decent succes overnight.

[RabbitHole]

15 hours ago, Caterpillar said:

Decide what you're going to say to her in advance. And decide how you're going to respond to her questions and statements. Most people are the same and they ask the same questions. So it's not hard to predict what she's going to say. You can add a section called ''conversation blueprint'' to your commonplace book. And you can fill it up with things that other people might say or ask. And how you would like to respond to it. 

This is the worst advice ever, do not ever think what you're going to say, this is the reason why guys can't approach 99% of times because they think what to say and what to respond before conversation. Daamn, some of you have no idea how this works. You see a girl and you find her attractive? Count to 3 while going her way and when you're there say Hi! Obviously this requires lot of self work in advance, luckily my recommended book can do that, but please never ever fall in this trap of thinking before doing. Why you didn't approach now? Because you thinked about your appearance, ehr appereance, had no idea what to say, were thinking what she might say. For real, this is main cause why guys can't approach, I actually can't name any other reason, except being voiceless, then It's psychically pretty complicated.

For experiment try his method, I bet you will die from anxiety and fuck up after max 2 responses as she will not react the way you think, reason being, what she answer It's directly dependent on you not "every girl is the same".

Edited August 22, 2018 by RabbitHole

[JillCoco]

First of all you articulate very good so build yourself a little bit more self esteem -- if you doesn't do this then you have no chance my man...

[RabbitHole]

1 hour ago, Caterpillar said:

I got this advice from a book. And guys can't approach 99% of times because they don't take the time to think of things to say. You can't say something if you don't think of it first. You can learn to think and speak quickly but it requires lots of practice.

Sorry man, no offense, but that book is crap. How does It make sense to you "can't approach because don't take time to think". That part of sentence literary makes no sense, atleast I can't get the meaning. From my own past experience, every friends, every pickup artists, pretty much every guy has experienced this problem that they struggle to approach so they just stand and afterwards ask how to approach cus they couldnt. Because they didn't take time to think? Exact opposite, they didn't go to talk directly because most guys like to see girls as some super natural creatures from different planet so they rather stand and analyse what he shoudl say, how she might react, that creates anxiety and overthinking so eventually they rather choose to not approach. Do you think this guy is not taking time to think? Or he is thinking about this approach even days later and creating topics on internet cus he can't stop thinking about It? I've been there, I know how It feels, when you see hot girl, but you choose to analyse first and then insecurities kick in and you fuck everything up before even approaching. Now years later, best advice is to work on yourself (appearance included) as much as you can, but don't wait until you're perfect, go and talk to them, but get rid of mindset where you see them only a sexual objects, If you wan't to approach that way then be ready for her requirements, otherwise? She's same human being as you, with her own insecurities just as you, just because you think she's 10 doesn't mean she has no insecurities, she still has so she get anxious too, just some people can handle It better, some worse. Also be realistic, If girl is super hot, you have to understand that 90% of guys find her attractive and flirt with her everyday, so sure she might reject you, but that's totally fine, nothing to worry about. I could write you every single detail about all dating, relationship stuff, but better read Mark Mansons book and start taking action with your new mindset.

[RabbitHole]

1 hour ago, JillCoco said:

First of all you articulate very good so build yourself a little bit more self esteem -- if you doesn't do this then you have no chance my man...

If you write about yourself from third person view "He thinks, he is". Not "I think, I struggle with". Then your articulation is complete crap and you gotta rewire your brain as soon as possible, for real, sorry OP, but you have to make massive change If you wan't to get into dating game.

[KenDo]

Thanks everyone, I was surprised by how many reached out to me in only 2 days! I will read the books and start practicing on other girls first and build myself up so I feel comfortable to ask her out finally! I will let you know if by then you're still following this thread, how things went! ☺️??

[RabbitHole]

11 minutes ago, KenDo said:

Thanks everyone, I was surprised by how many reached out to me in only 2 days! I will read the books and start practicing on other girls first and build myself up so I feel comfortable to ask her out finally! I will let you know if by then you're still following this thread, how things went! ☺️??

Please update us on Mark Mansons book, I red that years ago and It instantly shifted my mindset. I wonder If everyone finds It so beneficial.

[Barbarian Number 8]

@KenDo  Sooo, what you are saying is that you want to make a homerun....but never played the game before or even passed basictraining.....

-Ja, this can work.

-Go for it! You can do it! You deserve it! (insert any more up-to-date-slogan)

 

My friend, THIS is an excellent experience just for you! ...on so many levels. Best of luck young traveller!

Edited August 26, 2018 by Barbarian Number 8
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