Words don’t help

[Sashaj]

Mooji became enlightened in the presence of a guru. So did some other famous teachers but I have never felt anything in the presence of the few enlightened teachers I have met personally. Also, words on this forum and in books help my ego to understand from an ego perspective but that’s it. 

Self  inquiry is the same for me. Just lots of thinking and agitation . What’s the point?

I feel myself slowly falling into depression at the futility and impossibility of this

What to do now? Don’t say “nothing”

 

Edited August 21, 2018 by Sashaj

[Sashaj]

I look back at my previous posts and see a person with clarity and fearlessness and lightness of being. But that is gone now. It was a cruel delusion. I feel just empty and sad. Don’t care if I live or die. In a really deep hole of shit haha

[B_Naz]

Stop it, and take a break. Live a little, enjoy eating ice cream, go out and meet people. Work out? Do things that you feel like doing. Get your blood moving. It seems like you've been self-developing so much that you forget to enjoy this experience. How about for once, stop the enquiry and just do something. Take action

[Brittany]

You are taking life too seriously.

Watch TV, go out dancing, etc. and chill.

Edited August 21, 2018 by Brittany

[Sashaj]

If I go back to that then all of this has been a waste of time. No thanks 

[Forestluv]

2 hours ago, Sashaj said:

I look back at my previous posts and see a person with clarity and fearlessness and lightness of being. But that is gone now. It was a cruel delusion. I feel just empty and sad.

If I look deep enough into anything ,I find it’s source is emptiness. I sense sadness, yet also a beauty about it.

[Sashaj]

11 minutes ago, Artaemis said:

Stop the mind chatter and just look at stuff.

If two tiny differences in your room were the same in every way and yet still different, what would remain? Try meditating on that.

Thanks. it is a desperate mind trying to break free of suffering and yet the source of the suffering is the trying to break free 

[Sashaj]

3 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

If I look deep enough into anything ,I find it’s source is emptiness. I sense sadness, yet also a beauty about it.

Do you feel liberated? What is the sadness from? is it part of the process so to speak?

[Forestluv]

It’s liberating in a sense, I don’t suffer anything like I used to. 

I’m not sure why sadness is present as well. It’s not like a “poor me” kind of sadness. It’s more like if my puppy died. I’d miss his spirit and I’d be sad. 

[Sashaj]

@Artaemis could you give an example to clarify what you have said? Thanks

[Sashaj]

@Artaemis  That’s interesting thanks

i developed a high fever today and wonder if I have an infection raging in the body throwing my mood off kilter. Time will tell

Edited August 21, 2018 by Sashaj

[Katlicitas]

3 hours ago, Sashaj said:

If I go back to that then all of this has been a waste of time. No thanks 

That's not how actualization works in my experience
Your progress does not get lost, if you allow yourself to fall back into old patterns every once in a while. Often times you don't even fall behind that much.
Your mind doesn't automatically forget everything it has learned the past few weeks/months/years, just because you're focusing on something else for a while
I feel like mindfulness tends to welcome me back with open arms every time I stroll a little off my desired path.

[Osm]

[Leo Gura]

• Kirya yoga
• Psychedelics
• Solo retreats

That is the killer combo right there.

Getting magically enlightened at the hands of some guru is extremely rare and it's a super disempowering attitude to have. You might as well be hoping to win the lottery.

Take your awakening into your own hands. No one will do it for you.

If you are feeling stuck, go do a Bufo 5-MeO retreat with Octavio. You'll experience infinity in 5 minutes. It's worth the travel.

[Brittany]

10 hours ago, Sashaj said:

If I go back to that then all of this has been a waste of time. No thanks 

You are right. My response was rubbish. Haha 

[Sashaj]

So I have pneumonia! Feel much more balanced in the head today though. It may have triggered some kind of depressive episode? Very odd! 

Anyway it is great to see all of you coming in for the rescue. Thank you

[Sashaj]

@Brittany no your response was 100% right. The seeker ego doesn’t like to hear that kind of stuff though  

[St Clair]

It might not be related to the discussion, but I've found some serious insight from looking into words. When I contemplate, I first look at the word and try to figure it the secrets of the word (the label) itself.

For example, I looked into the word 'Imagination'. I saw 'I - MAGI - NATION'. And then contemplated both 'Magi' and 'Nation'. It is where we can be wizards and magicians! 

I looked at the word 'Crystal', and saw correlations with 'Christ'. It made perfect sense to me. Jesus Christ was a deeply enlightened being, and his very presence was emanating powerful positive energy around him. The same is with crystals - they are like enlightened rocks, emanating powerful positive energy around them. Interesting huh?

I looked at the word 'Mortgage', and I instantly knew NEVER to get one! I saw 'MORT - GAGE'. 'Mort' has correlations with death. 'Gage' is to offer/embrace. I understood Mortgage to be the death of freedom!

Maybe I'm wrong. But it makes perfect sense to me. Words contain some powerful secrets! I wonder why they call the sides of our heads "temples". Perhaps there is something sacred in there, the third eye perhaps?  

Edited August 22, 2018 by St Clair

[Nahm]

On 8/20/2018 at 9:52 PM, Sashaj said:

Mooji became enlightened in the presence of a guru. So did some other famous teachers but I have never felt anything in the presence of the few enlightened teachers I have met personally. Also, words on this forum and in books help my ego to understand from an ego perspective but that’s it. 

Self  inquiry is the same for me. Just lots of thinking and agitation . What’s the point?

I feel myself slowly falling into depression at the futility and impossibility of this

What to do now? Don’t say “nothing”

 

A true guru is like a psychadelic in that both reveal they don’t exist.

You can continue believing they are enlightened,  and you are not, but that won’t hold up to scrutiny. Any twoness is oneness - youness, Nothingness.

They’re you. 

It’s futile because its false, so you have to repeat resistant thoughts to continue to believe this lie. 

Of course you’re depressed. You’re attempting to reduce what you are to finite. Stressful “path”. 

Lighten up. You’re in the set up. Try to see the punchline. Life is not serious. 

Don’t listen to me either. Ask yourself what’s true. 

[Sashaj]

10 hours ago, Nahm said:

Of course you’re depressed. You’re attempting to reduce what you are to finite. Stressful “path”. 

Lighten up. You’re in the set up. Try to see the punchline. Life is not serious. 

@Nahm so true mate. But Ican say now that what happened a few days ago was beneficial. I was shown again the suffering that clinging brings. Perfecto

dont have a need to go that pitiful place again

I’ve even changed the way I practice. I’ve let go of everything now. Holding on or wishing for permanent enlightenment is  the cause of suffering and end of suffering is the opposite