My Sacred Space

[willybilly30]

I am not sure what to call my journal but, this sounds all right.

I was here along time ago, made a journal and was gonna get into it all.

But, I had an annoying friend who kept messaging me, taking up my time and it was nothing really interesting.

He was a freaking sexaholic...why not just say it....constantly,. 24/7 sex talk and did not give a crap about anything i was interested in.

You know i had a lot going on...i got therapy classes at the mental health center, got in a fitness course, and a few others but, I don't want to look like some spammer and i know what they are.

Then i mop the floor and break my leg.....i end up in the hospital of course...told i got border line diabetes so, no more sugar, can't smoke, drink water, exercise before bed and on waking up, very little caffeine i mean they didn't give me sodas all day lol

I don't think my friend really cared... just talked about all the loving he was missing and when i got out and was off the walker to cane he wanted to go the woods.

I finally broke it off...i told him goodbye and blocked him...i told my mom and sister about my gay relationship....even tho they hated this they said he was using me.

At the mental health center we been learning coping skills, doing art and talking about journals.

I got a note book and been writing my thoughts and daily stuff...then a thought popped in my head...I wonder what ole Leo on Actualized.org is doing? he still around? 

He very much is still around and got a video on journals...i mean right there in front of me like i was meant to see it lol

He says something like search for answers in yourself and ask questions...sounds good.

I like how he made a comment about people look on youtube or books for answers....Man, do i do that....gee, i wonder what would happen if i asked myself anything? i have a few times here and there but, i don't really practice it. 

How many of us go to google before we do anything? like if i thought of hoola hooping today i would see if people do that still.

I don't know i kind of wonder what would happen if i used my own head for a change? 

Why do i do the things i do any way? Why after i gave all the toxins up in the hospital for a month am i smoking again? got to be a reason right?

Sure, i can read books, watch videos and Maybe Leo has done one on smoking...i dunno has he?....but, i think it would be a big help to see why i want it? and maybe, ask myself how to stop it....

I will still use my note book but, i may come here and write what to did down or give thoughts or some thing i don't know what all i will do.

Now, that my distraction is gone i want to pursue what i want to work on. 

So, here i am lol 

 

 

[willybilly30]

Sigh, I did not get around to working on my courses or exercise yet. been kind of a busy day. But, i did do something this morning. I decided to write in my journal. I got in a fight with my mom this weekend. I wrote about it and decided to see why i got angry. I asked why i got angry? I tried to see my mom's side of things. It was pretty interesting and I asked how i can control my temper next time. I talked about it with my mom. I thought about doing the same thing with smoking. Why do i smoke? then Why after that answer. Seems asking why a lot gets to the heart of the matter. Also. asking how i can quit. I usually look for answers in other places. But, I think i should listen to myself as well.  I wish i could mention the courses cause i would like this to be a home base i guess. A place to say ok, i did this...this,,,this,,,,.i guess i could use my note book for that. I don't want some one to think i am trying to promote some thing. I have seen sneaky spammers go to a site pretending they love it and then bragging about some course. Well, i am gonna get started on stuff i been wanting to do tomorrow. see you later 

[willybilly30]

um what i said was silly. goodnight all 

Edited August 20, 2018 by willybilly30
silly