Forcing Myself To Be Sociable

[The Don]

Hello guys.

I suffer from SEVERE social anxiety and I started to put myself in social situations where I'm able to talk with a lot of people.

But the problem is that I doesn't feel right. I feel like I need to talk NONSENSE to keep a conversation going.

After a while I realize that is not a big deal to socialize but it's making me bored. My mind is coming up with questions like: "What am I doing here? Is this necessary for my happiness? Is this 'socializing thing' a waste of time?".

Socializing should feel good in the sense that people should like the subjects they talk about. Socializing should feel natural, not unnatural even if the conversation is going fine.

And I have this odd feeling that if I talk to people about interesting things like meditation, reality and consciousness they get blown away. When I say 'blown away', I mean they are not interested in these kind of subjects. For them these subjects appear to be interesting but they can't cope with them.

It's hard... because the awkwardness driven from anxiety feels like paralysis.

It's so hard to get rid of social anxiety.

If you're going through a similar situation, I wanna know your thoughts.

What did you do to get rid of this burden?

[Jamie Universe]

 It sounds to me like your just not interested in what those other people are talking about. Whenever adults talk to me its mostly just family or family friends asking me about school or something like that, and it can definetly get boring or repetitive. Solution - Find people with similar interests or experiences 

Also I've had some social anxiety, and still do. And as far as the being awkward thing goes, at some point this year my mind almost just stopped caring entirely about little awkward things. 

You should do an affirmation for that if your not already, it can be really helpful. Just check out some of Leo's video on "affirmations" and "how to not care what people think of you" I can also send links for those videos if you want them. Affirmations have helped me a lot with social anxiety.

[Moreira]

Socializing is boring when you are not free.

Take control of social interactions:

Dont like void conversations? Start interesting ones.

Dont like social events that you accept only by compromise? Invite others to your event!

Dont be the leave in the wint that socialize only to fit in.

Socialize only when is meaning to you, only with people you really care and do things and go to places where you enjoy.

I've been going to social events when I really didnt want to go, only to keep alive the friendship, or to dont be called the weird guy, and I've been very unhappy. Learn to say no, but dont use it as an excuse to remain in the comfort zone.

Forget the skill of socializing, focus on taking initiative and surround youyrself with people who have the same interests, socializing will come naturally.

[Athena]

I'm going through something similar maybe not as severe. 

I'm heading out tonight specifically for this reason. I have to keep at it, I've tasted what it feels like to be free from the anxiety and it is amazing. 

Keep at it, start slow and get out of your head by going to your heart and feeling what is there, also simply listen to what ppl are saying and not form replies in your head.

[The Don]

1 minute ago, Jamie Universe said:

Affirmations have helped me a lot with social anxiety.

Thanks for answer. I'm glad it helped.

Of course I'm interested in positive affirmation for my social anxiety problem.

Did you repeated positive affirmations every day? For how long?

[The Don]

2 minutes ago, Moreira said:

Forget the skill of socializing, focus on taking initiative and surround youyrself with people who have the same interests, socializing will come naturally.

I noticed that after a few minutes socializing comes naturally.

But in the next day it doesn't. I go through the same process every day, feeling awkward at the beginning of the socializing.

[Jamie Universe]

1 hour ago, The Don said:

Thanks for answer. I'm glad it helped.

Of course I'm interested in positive affirmation for my social anxiety problem.

Did you repeated positive affirmations every day? For how long?

For social anxiety I might suggest an affirmation like "I am comfortable in social situations" or something like that

As the technique goes, 5 minutes every day for 3 months, however I've done 2 affirmations at only a month and got pretty good results. You can decide how long you want to do the affirmation for by judging your results every day. Meaning if after 1 month you see yourself being comfortable in social situations then you can stop, but the longer you go the more you get out of it. The second video I sent I stopped short after 1 month for a reason I forgot, and I somewhat regret doing that.

watch the first video for sure, there's important warnings/tips etc.

[aurum]

10 hours ago, The Don said:

After a while I realize that is not a big deal to socialize but it's making me bored. My mind is coming up with questions like: "What am I doing here? Is this necessary for my happiness? Is this 'socializing thing' a waste of time?".

Nothing is necessary for your happiness, The question is, what do you want?

When I sit down and map out how I want my life to look, one of the common themes that always comes up is people. My life purpose involves people. Relationships involve people. Financial freedom involves people.

The way to have success with people is to enjoying socializing. So it becomes necessary for me by knowing what I want.

If you feel people will have an important role in your life moving forward, I would suggest that you explore a similar attitude.

11 hours ago, The Don said:

Socializing should feel good in the sense that people should like the subjects they talk about. Socializing should feel natural, not unnatural even if the conversation is going fine.

In my experience, that's not the point of socializing at all.

The topic when it comes to socializing is often completely irrelevant. In fact, having an "interesting topic" can actually detract from socializing well.

This is a skill that you learn if you ever get into PUA or improv comedy. How do you have a great conversation without talking about anything of significance?

The reason why this works is because good socializing is a lot about the relationship between you and the person you are talking to. If you're talking about this logical third-party topic, then you're not addressing the relationship. You can obviously do some of this, especially with men, but it shouldn't be the whole thing.

11 hours ago, The Don said:

And I have this odd feeling that if I talk to people about interesting things like meditation, reality and consciousness they get blown away. When I say 'blown away', I mean they are not interested in these kind of subjects. For them these subjects appear to be interesting but they can't cope with them.

That's true, they probably won't be interested. But you have to understand that there's a time and a place to talk about these kind of things.

Actualized.org forum? Fantastic, go all in.

College house party while Cardi B is playing in the background? No.

There's always a context. Part of socializing is being able to read that.

11 hours ago, The Don said:

What did you do to get rid of this burden?

I mostly just socialized a lot. I know that's not an appealing answer but that was a big part of it.

I thought I hated socializing, but the reality was I just I didn't understand it. If anything I would say I hated myself.

[2018]

 

Good for you for putting yourself out of your comfort zone and talking with people you normally would not have! Usually for someone who experiences social anxiety they don't naturally want to talk with people and in the beginning when putting yourself into a fear provoking situation it will not feel right. You will think to yourself that this is a waste of time and even question if you should continue to keep going. For someone who has gone down this road before I will say that you might want to remind yourself the reasons why you first thought you would like to try to beat your social anxiety. Imagine what it will feel like when you have completely rid yourself of any uncomfortable feelings associated with talking and dealing with people. Feeling the freedom to not be concerned with how you interact and how others view you when socializing.

Yes, I will agree beating social anxiety if very hard, but you are fully equipped to intrinsically motivate yourself to do what you need to do to overcome it and if you're deciding to beat this serious condition by yourself, still remember that there is extra help otherwise if you need it. I think that at the point where you are at now you are working at knocking down the difficult blocks of concrete so to speak that was built over the past several years or so and are going through a shift where you are doing the work but still need to believe in yourself through to the end when your hard work has paid off and you are reaping the fruits of your labour.

Keep up the good fight, You will be victorious!