Who is deciding?

[Sashaj]

As sometimes happens I watched my ego   And noticed things about it that correlate with the teachings. But if awareness is aware, who is noticing the problems of my ego other than another ego? Have I formed a vigilant ego to observe my everyday ego? Is it another voice in my head? Is the new and improved ego a vehicle I can use to keep practising? How do I know that the new ego is trustworthy? What if I’m shown the infinite but the infinite is an illusion of the new ego? I’m a bit stuck around these questions...

[cetus]

@Sashaj That's something worth contemplating

[Sashaj]

@cetus56  Will do

There is fear that I have been mistaking this new ego for awareness. It’s a wise ego! Haha

Edited August 16, 2018 by Sashaj

[Forestluv]

@Sashaj It sounds like you are entering the “observer + object” stage. For me, I just got to know the observer. Then there was an energetic shift from seeking outside of myself to a wanting to experience the presence more deeply

[cetus]

21 minutes ago, Sashaj said:

@cetus56  Will do

There is fear that I have been mistaking wisdom for this new ego. It’s a wise ego! Haha

@Sashaj This is kind of deep but here's a paraphrase of Nisargadatta "That which witnesses your birth and your death". 

[Sashaj]

3 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

@Sashaj It sounds like you are entering the “observer + object” stage. For me, I just got to know the observer. Then there was an energetic shift from seeking outside of myself to a wanting to experience the presence more deeply

So you are suggesting to just sit and watch? I feel that is the only way out of this

ps. When you say I, do you mean the ego got to know the observer? And who is wanting to experience presence?

Edited August 16, 2018 by Sashaj

[Sashaj]

3 hours ago, cetus56 said:

@Sashaj This is kind of deep but here's a paraphrase of Nisargadatta "That which witnesses your birth and your death". 

The infinite thingy? is that the observer? 

[Sashaj]

Who is guiding me to the truth? How do I know ? It can’t be ego because ego doesn’t want that. Or have I created an ego that DOES want that because that ego doesn’t know that it could get squashed. Hmmm

Edited August 16, 2018 by Sashaj

[Sashaj]

When I had my first “flash” a while ago I remember sudden awareness of the ego/thought/voice in my head as not “me”. The voice had volition and its own movement but it wasn’t me. It talked on its own but at the same time something was aware and amused about this. Who was amused? Who laughed? *scratches head*

[Leo Gura]

@Sashaj Consider the possibility there is no who.

Does the sun need a who to do its thing? The sun is a complicated thing but somehow it gets by just fine without a who. So does a computer.

[Sashaj]

Seems like there is no who. But who is pondering? Every time I ask the question it kills itself

I thought I glimpsed self seeing itself through itself this morning. Does this sound correct?

I also maybe glimpsed mind separating awareness into clusters but mind mistaking the separate awareness as separation of the universe itself rather than just a thought separation; as in awareness has the ability to investigate at different scales maybe? And this ability can be confused as separation itself (as in the universe and objects are not us)

I also felt that spontaneity is somehow part of the universe but this is concealed because mind tempers spontaneity. Similarly with humour? Is the universe happy? I feel like it is haha

Is all the above just bullshit?!

[Leo Gura]

@Sashaj Notice how often your posts contain the words "I", "me", "my".

You keep saying "I", "I", "I"... but notice, there isn't one. Stop screwing around and try to pinpoint what this "I" is that you claim you are.

If the "I" cannot be pinpointed, then why are you so sure you exist? Why keep saying "I"?

What if "I" is just a word which points to nothing? Like Santa Claus or unicorn.

What if you are just an idea?

What if you cannot die because in fact you never existed?

[Sashaj]

Oh man, the paradox!

[Stoica Doru]

@Sashaj There is no one watching. Personification is of the ego, of the mind. What is watching is what's surrounding you - Infinite Counciousness. Once you grasp this, enlightenment happens, but not to you, reality just wakes itself up in its own movie. And that's what we might call a strange loop. 

[WelcometoReality]

On 2018-08-16 at 3:30 AM, Sashaj said:

But if awareness is aware, who is noticing the problems of my ego other than another ego?

As you say only awareness can observe these things, but it's easy to group different experiences into a concept such as the ego and then it's not a discussion anchored in experience.

If you look within can you find any ego there? What does the new and the old ego consist of?

These problems you talk about what do they consist of?

On 2018-08-16 at 3:30 AM, Sashaj said:

What if I’m shown the infinite but the infinite is an illusion of the new ego? I’m a bit stuck around these questions...

You'll know it's the infinite. No need to think about these things that have yet occured.

 

[Sashaj]

“I” know all of this already. So what now

Maybe not ready yet. Need to go away and stop asking stupid questions perhaps. Practice concentration?

Edited August 17, 2018 by Sashaj

[WelcometoReality]

3 minutes ago, Sashaj said:

“I” know all of this already. So what now

Good. Could you tell me those things I asked you so it's clear what we are talking about for me as well.

[WelcometoReality]

17 minutes ago, Sashaj said:

Maybe not ready yet. Need to go away and stop asking stupid questions perhaps. Practice concentration?

It's good to distiguish these things as they can be quite subtle.

[Leo Gura]

30 minutes ago, Sashaj said:

“I” know all of this already. So what now

It's not enough to "know" it. If you're still using the word "I" you don't get it yet.

This is the crux of self-inquiry and it requires thousands of hours of inquiry on this very point.

Don't go looking for "new stuff". You must go deeply on this one thing until your realize you never existed. This is no small thing.

[Sashaj]

17 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's not enough to "know" it. If you're still using the word "I" you don't get it yet.

This is the crux of self-inquiry and it requires thousands of hours of inquiry on this very point.

Don't go looking for "new stuff". You must go deeply on this one thing until your realize you never existed. This is no small thing.

Leo, I understand what you are saying and understand the intent of self inquiry from an intellectual perspective. I can only understand from an intellectual perspective until I have gone through the “loop” so to speak. Right? We all know I don’t get it of course because I um don’t get it. If I got it I wouldn’t be asking.  The problem is being able to communicate this and the futility of attempting to communicate this is agitating the me that is not me but is also me etc etc etc!