How to properly introduce others to self help?

[Ryan_047]

As the title goes,I've having a hard time figuring it out how to make other people get into self development.I'm afraid that if I go wrong about presenting this idea to my friends or family,they'll forever dismiss it in their mind by being close minded or if they do accept the idea,they won't take it seriously enough and just drop it later on.

It pains me to see how the life of the people I care are turning slowly but surely into sh*t.I've benefited a lot from doing a few techniques and just watching videos from Leo and Teal Swan,but I'm afraid that the people I want to present it to will find their videos weird or just consider them scams.It is worth pointing out that I'm not very persuasive,I'm more of an introverted person and I'm not very good at trying to get people on board with this domain,especially if they being close minded.

The persons I'd like to convince are either blue-orange or orange, with a few shades of green here and there(from what I could notice).Lately,I'm thinking about introducing my older brother(he's 28,mostly orange,some blue and some green mixed in there,in a 9-5 job with pretty good income,has a gf...he is a normal decent guy) to Leo's channel.I've got a few videos in mind that I know that would make him interested in this type of content but I fear that he might stumble across the more "weird" videos about psychedelics,what God really is,enlightenment and he'll completely categorize his channel as a scam.He believes in the Christian God,in the teachings of Christianity ,and I'm sure he'll have a negative reaction to these videos.

For the record,he opened himself up to the idea of practicing meditation,because he heard this idea from a friend psychologist and I also talked to him about meditation and how I practice it.Also,he has seen me watching videos from Leo,I just never told him about what he's talking about.Why I really want to convince him is because I'm noticing how he's secretly suffering, how he denies that and how he runs away from his emotions.He's an awesome guy,he's among the people I deeply respect and care for..and I really love him and the thought of letting him walk down that path makes me feel really sad,and guilty.

Please,practical answers.Also,if you managed to convince persons close to you to get into self help,I'd highly appreciate hearing the story.

[PsiloPutty]

It's hard, and I sometimes struggle with it too, but you're going to have to surrender the need to MAKE anybody do anything. 

Even though you know they can be helped by it, most people are going to completely ignore your efforts at best, and start to resent you and avoid you at worst. It's typically a lose-lose endeavor. Again, I have those wants and urges at times, too.

[DocHoliday]

I tried it many times and it always failed. The person really has to be "ready" for it and receptive too. Openmindedness is also very important of course. But as with everything, as long as you don't have a aprticular need for it, you won't care about it, let alone invest time and energy in it. Thus, if a person is in a seriously tough situation in which they could genuinely benefit from some help, then you might suggest some videos to them. Don't flood them though. After you teased them a bit and explained the videos a bit further perhaps, they absolutely need to come back to you to and ask for more (recommendations/advice/help). If they won't, they just don't care about it enough. But it's also understandable to a certain degree because the ego likes to solve it's problems on it's own, it likes to take pride in the fact that one did it all by himself, you know? Therefore it's sometimes so difficult to "win over" other people, even when the content may be literally pure gold for them they always wanna do it on their own, sort of. 

[DocHoliday]

Just remember the first two rules of Fight Club: You do not talk about Fight Club.
This right here is Fight Club, in a sense, we're all in it.
But you mustn't necessarily talk to others about it, they have to come here on their own.
I know, sometimes it's hard to watch others suffer and cluelessly walk around without a proper plan but the best strategy is to seriously embody all that you can learn here and anywhere else to such a degree that sooner or later they simply have to ask you "Man, what is your secret? I really wanna know, you always seem so [...] , it really amazes me!". That's when you know you've got them hooked and won over for sure. 

Edited August 15, 2018 by DocHoliday

[Ryan_047]

@DocHoliday I see,so the power of example eh?This will be another reason for me to grow myself.

Still,life is short.I feel guilty for not being able to help my older brother by being a sufficiently good example of someone who is pursuing self development,but I think that's my problem lol.

Thanks for the answer.

[DocHoliday]

24 minutes ago, Ryan_047 said:

@DocHoliday I see,so the power of example eh?This will be another reason for me to grow myself.

100%, the most important thing of all. 

[PhilGR]

I imagine your brother join Actualized.org and then join the forum too and  find this post. Lol

[Ryan_047]

@PhilGR I'd be so happy if he'd made it this far :).

[peanutspathtotruth]

@Ryan_047 Totally feel you, I also have a hard time with that. It's like this inner conflict of wanting to help but not knowing how. Because we came here by ourselves and only through working from the surface to the bottom are we in a place where we can talk about stuff like enlightenment/non-duality in a non-bullshit manner. So it's not only about how to "win others over" for me, but also that I find myself in situations where I just don't know how to communicate. "Why are you meditating?" I would have to lie or say that it's just too complicated or something when someone asks me who is not into this kind of work. That's just an example. 

I guess it's really hopeless in most cases, but if you love someone, I can imagine it could be worth fighting. 

Edited August 19, 2018 by peanutspathtotruth

[DocHoliday]

@peanutspathtotruth That depends on how you interpret "loving a person". If you love them simpy because they are so similar to you and you want to make them even more similar to you (which would then increase your level of love towards them because the one we love most is always ourselves), then you'd probably "fight" for it the way you described it.

But, if you can see and accept their differentness and take them in simply how they are and still love them - that's true love because "to love" means identifying yourself or recognizing yourself in others so much that you... love them; you care for them and you value them. Why? Because they're so similar to yourself.

But of course I don't really know who you're talking about and in addition to that it's always an individual case, in which case you assumably know best who and what you're talking about:) 

[Hello from Russia]

That's is the fundamental problem of marketing. And it is very deep. When you think about that you find how really fundametal marketing is as a skill in our life.
Personally, I usually advertise meditation to my friends and try to make them start meditating by showing various benefits to that. Meditation naturally raises consciousness and after that person usually becomes more open-minded and receptive to more "advanced" ideas.
But now I don't go very deep pitching about all kinds of stuff, gotta advance yourself first
 

[Harikrishnan]

Show them leo's video how to have amazing sex or how to make a girl squirt. Works everytime ??

[phoenix666]

On 15. August 2018 at 10:59 PM, Ryan_047 said:

I see,so the power of example eh?This will be another reason for me to grow myself.

perfect <3

thanks for reminding me. I've been facing the same issue lately. I guess the answer is once more - to turn inwards. it's really always to turn inwards. being a living example of all the teaching - sensitive people will notice, hopefully

[fluidmonolith]

16 hours ago, phoenix666 said:

perfect <3

thanks for reminding me. I've been facing the same issue lately. I guess the answer is once more - to turn inwards. it's really always to turn inwards. being a living example of all the teaching - sensitive people will notice, hopefully

I agree. Work on yourself first, and then your behaviors may teach others more than lectures. As an example, I have tried for a few years to get my wife to practice self-development techniques to reduce stress and become more open-minded, but these attempts were essentially lectures, and not very successful. Recently, she went with me to a meditation retreat, and she told me she did so because she saw the results of my own meditation practice. She had never meditated before, and I didn't ask her to go with me, she volunteered. Some of my relatives seem to be starting to see value in self-development too, but not because of anything I've said to them, rather from changes they can see in me as a result of it.

I think as we become more self-aware, we're able to understand and accept others more and more. This lets us help them without ego getting in the way. Not everyone can see their own ego (without practice), but most people can see other people's egos, and they will resist help that comes from ego rather than love and acceptance.

[Ryan_047]

@fluidmonolith Your reply actually inspired me,I highly hope that the same will happen for me.

@DocHoliday Could you please explain what "differentness" means in this context?It means that if I'd truly love someone I wouldn't try to fix him in any way and that I would let him be as he is with all the misery and suffering in his life?Or does it refer to the fact that we should accept and love others despite their psychological development and personal preferences about anything that they might have? 
 

 

 

[phoenix666]

beautifully explained,@fluidmonolith

22 hours ago, fluidmonolith said:

I think as we become more self-aware, we're able to understand and accept others more and more. This lets us help them without ego getting in the way. Not everyone can see their own ego (without practice), but most people can see other people's egos, and they will resist help that comes from ego rather than love and acceptance.

wow, so true. I hope I can offer help that comes from love and acceptance rather than from ego. as you said, awareness is key there.. sounds like you're giving a wonderful example there, good job

[Colin]

I have heard Tom Campbell say this many times, but words can only take one so far. Focus on changing yourself, and the people around you will change automatically. Trying to change other people simply does not work. If they don't change then they don't.

[Spiral]

Pickup is a easy way to start if the person you’re helping is male and unsuccessful, don’t frame it as self-help. Help them out with that and they’ll get a taste for the potential.

[Ryan_047]

@see_on_see I can agree with everything you just said,expect for the last sentence.

On 8/21/2018 at 0:27 PM, see_on_see said:

 

People must come to this kind of stuff by themselves when they're ready for it. When they'll be ready for it, they will find it.

Doesn't make any sense to me.Self help isn't widely known,many people don't even think such a thing exists.If your pair of shoes are getting old,you'll go to the shop and get a new pair,because you know that a shoe shop exists.If you wouldn't know such a place even exists,you'll probably walk barefoot.The same applies to self help as well.If you'd see someone on the verge of killing himself ,you would not help that person because they haven't reached for self help earlier and that they are not ready(supposing that in this scenario you are psychologist)?Of course you'd help him.

[Ryan_047]

@Spiral Please,read more carefully next time.I specified that the person I want to help has a girlfriend,and its successful in his domain of work,just not happy.