random jungle noise

[now is forever]

today is truthday with a capital B - and it’s not exactly a good one as there was this situation again where the emptyness of a cup feels the emptiest because it should be the fullest today. 

but actually now i now all this water comes from the clouds in front of my eyes.

Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Fearless on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me, makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Night, night of matter
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my

Water is my eye
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Of a confession
Fearless on my breath
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Edited February 4, 2019 by now is forever

[now is forever]

it’s interesting how much and how little i managed to change - at least i don’t feel the urge to smoke anymore. that’s such a huge achievement already i’m really proud that i let the emotions manifest instead of pushing them away. it’s pain instead of stress and i just let it be.

Edited February 4, 2019 by now is forever

[now is forever]

as a world eating mantis i made myself a nice snack today to cover up my sadness and that was pure devilry...as it was really fun. i hope the guy had humor. i mean i hope he has something clownish to him if he is in my belly, at least a little fun in the belly. 

kafka would be proud of me.

but i also realized that i should not get triggered so much about what i belief - as beliefs are really something intimate - and maybe should/shoudledidud not be taken too seriously if they are not selfrighteous what somehow every belief is. that’s the inflection point of beliefs and that’s why this belief is no belief but a mystery what is a belief and so on and so forth. because there is no end to it said michel ende. his name showed him the way.

Edited February 5, 2019 by now is forever
post was about forum activity - not that anyone thinks it was about something really happening - with bodies or so... i mean i‘m not a man eater.

[now is forever]

On 15.9.2018 at 8:26 AM, now is forever said:

why duality is a tool of survival?

a model of an outside world is there to anticipate the outside world to act inside it to manipulate it to find a way in it.

who is the shaper of this model? it’s a coworking space.

but there is someone sitting inside controlling what is to be let in and what is not. and there is the inside that forms the model.

(can it be animated from somewhere else in a distance directly, that would be scary? is it that? or is it animating itself? it is animated by other models for sure though.)

NOW in perception only happens if we let it in and let it fill an empty spot.

if this worldmodel is complete (it can be complete and not accurate) we can understand what the empty spot means for the perceived outside of the model.

one might come to the conclusion afterwards, it is best to stop manipulating and to move outside of the game and only teach from the outside of the game how the path is to be found and walked. but this is only if the word manipulation is a wrong model. manipulation means with the hands - with the own hands - for the enlightened. while manipulation as a brainwashing is very, very dangerous, it is what sects do.

if we want to remain inside the world and start to work on it with others, it’s so suffocating so annoying seemingly like a fight against the always unchanging in a person, especially when the other doesn’t move perspectives from the heart. if thoughts are not animated by the love for people and the cause.

that’s why i chose objects to manipulate - it doesn’t matter if they break. and i can manipulate them without harming them (they are just objects). and they also don’t reject my help.

helping others without forcing ourselves on them while they also have an agenda, that makes us pack our things and walk the streets as monks - helping where help is wanted not where it is lost. (maybe it’s also where all help is lost so it is wanted).

getting lost ourselves so others won’t. that’s forcelessness (forceless control, one possible form of non violent codependency to control) that’s why people don’t notice the ones that flower the world.

 

because flowers are the thoughts going unnoticed, the dreams going unnoticed the future we might not have because we don’t notice it.

it is not only the now that counts it is the full experience/awareness of the now in anticipation of a better future in sense of less suffering.

but yes, ending the suffering in ourselves is the first step into it.

maybe i forgot that - i don’t have much left to say it seams... but i still hang on and because i’m a chatter box i start to force myself on the conversations. writing one liners, being selfrighteous and a know it all. so maybe it’s self flaggelation day, too. 

[now is forever]

so after these little escapades into the realm of confused emotions - seems mr responsible stands in front of a ? door in my cloud space and knocks. „hello“ i am saying. it’s more a question than a word. „good morning miss! i was sent over from the realm of selforganization and wanted to tell you that the time is ticking. there is a bullet journal that waits for you, kriya yoga to learn and several organisational things to do for your journey into far far lands over the ocean.“  „ahaha, yes mister. how could i forget...i was so occupied watching clouds i totally forgot working on how to fly“ ⛅️ 

anyways this is about a new start, that will present answers in the world where dreams transform into a different shape, a more graspable now. where bubbles still burst and lemons still taste a little sour. did i say i love lemons? i love lemons ? 

if they where not sour, they wouldn‘t have the same effect if we bite them.

Edited February 5, 2019 by now is forever

[now is forever]

so there is this thing about how emotions drive and direct us and and how we give in to emotions - in a sense: is there even thought? or are thoughts emotions? we differentiate thought and emotion after their quality/texture/ feeling and location.

i had to think about this little euglena animal/algae/whatever that moves in reaction to light. are we moving in reaction to enlightenment?

well people move in reaction to emotion. this is maybe a more soft or elegant explanation to the moth towards light analogy. it is more organic than a black hole analogy or a magnetism analogy. the moving towards the light and the sensory are inseparable connected. the seeking and the solution are inseparable connected.

Edited February 7, 2019 by now is forever
music is kind of weird... but it was so pretty how it morphs towards the light

[now is forever]

so i‘m trying to read myself through pranayama in the kria book and realize what they say is very different to what the wim hoff method does - both are very connected to oxygen intake though.  well the book points out the importance of deep and long breathing for maximal oxygen intake in correlation to the effect of calmness to the breath. the wim hoff in comparison is maximal oxygen intake in a short period of time as an energy kick. if we feel that as animation of the kundalini energy, it means likewise the energy of the body has risen due to filling the prana body with prana what is an equivalent of life, the primary one. so pranayama is a healing or preventive method that is supposed to be modified to the need of the situation. 

as an ex smoker i understand how the substance of air influences my whole being in a better or worse way.

Edited February 7, 2019 by now is forever

[now is forever]

this is a little reflection on a reflection to another journal called moments written by serotoninlove as i was not sure how much to interfere with it - always wondering how many of the views on my view list are mine...it can’t be all 7000 can it? so i sometimes wonder if it would be nice if people just posted here or if i enjoy my „private“ writing space....that is already a coworking space as the thought already is that.

so this is a reflection on the difference of yoga and meditation. i am wondering about that since some time, too. what is the difference? of course there is nothing similar to sitting quietly with a calm mind and watching clouds move to understand their substance and the emptiness in which clouds and all other phenomena appear and let them settle like the surface of a lake, clouds mirrored on them. but let’s think of an isolated brain without a body. this isolated brain without a body can dream of everything it wants it can dream of things that don’t exist it can dream of possibilities that are so vast they can never possibly brought into existence as they are so far from the earth like a star in another galaxy. it is nice watching stars and so on but let’s be honest - only watching stars does not bring us down to earth and if we walk head in the stars or head in the clouds we can just stumble over something lying around or we fall into the lake and drown...

so let’s broaden the view of our universe and understand that the brain indeed is not isolated it spreads out into the body as a huge system containing of nerves and hormones these nerves bring information to the muscles and organs and skin and tell them to react and they also take information from the local cells (they also exist and are alive and may even contain information as everything contains information) and bring them to the huge organ that sits on the shoulders and makes up a lot of our individuality. well making up can be seen in more than one perspective.

so what does a meditation that is aligned with body movement give us? and why can’t meditation alone not bring everything in tune with the body as well as bringing the body in tune with the brain. even though the primary level of all of it is energy.

the answer is very simple.

Edited February 9, 2019 by now is forever

[now is forever]

the ego is a size shifter, just realized that. it takes on the size of the perspective we take. if i feel like a child it is small and fragile, if i feel like a woman it is strong and soft if i feel like the world it is vast and protective. it takes on the size of what we swallowed indeed.

i‘m not sure about it’s outside appearance though. maybe it looks different from the outside than from the inside. it’s the mirror problem - we try to see what’s there but it’s always just a mirrored image.

Edited February 10, 2019 by now is forever

[now is forever]

what is the metaphysical anatomy of running away? i asked myself today. even though sometimes we think we have a goal and we think we know and we think everything would be better if just there was this or that better in our life. do we really run away or do we just change location? it’s interesting to see that - or is it sometimes even worse, that we run into problems by focusing too much on things we want to change but are not really able to and in the long run it would be better to accept some issues? focusing on problems doesn’t always change the problem. it’s one of the big questions that seem to never get answered.

is it the same as with stepping out of the matrix to step right into it? trying to step out of a problem to step right into it? so is it only the way we are coaping with the problem that makes the difference? is it only about the learning effect if we then face more problems than before? at one point we definitely have to make decisions and solve/face whatever problem has arisen, even if it is more problems/trouble than before.

sometimes if we face running away realistically and think things will fall together „if i just believe“ we realize by approaching them that they fall further and further apart the closer we look. is this fear or is it discernment or is it for convenience?

Edited February 10, 2019 by now is forever

[now is forever]

i wondered how often a mind can blow, but i also wonder how often a heart can brake or how many deaths we can die - is this about aging, about growing up completely or is this only about questioning too much? expecting too much, dreaming too much, getting swayed too much by the sweetness of theoretical possibilities?

some emotions in this world are too sad or too euphoric or too happy or too contradicting to be lived, at least openly - that’s why there is music and theatre and art and dance and even design - because every suffering in this world only exists because of love, if there would be no love there would be no suffering, because love exists - so why do we then not try to get rid of love, then we could also get rid of suffering? but that’s completely impossible, trying to rationalize it down or to controll it, or to kill it off will just lash back 10 fold as where that love had been before will be an inversion of being.

so i decided just to „be“ right now the love issue is something i‘ll figure out while being.

Edited February 12, 2019 by now is forever

[now is forever]

talking about vulnerability opens myself up to vulnerability again, too. and i realize my heart is like a wound i carry around, it feels like this hurt yearning spot and i don’t know if it will ever heal again.

[tsuki]

21 hours ago, now is forever said:

that’s sometimes really difficult as some people especially men often just don’t want to talk about matters that could concern me - so how could i navigate?

@now is forever Can I help you with any matter that concerns you?

[now is forever]

@tsuki thank you! no it’s a healing process that needs time. everything else i can imagine seems impossible as i can’t just force them into existence. everything will fall into place you know and our open wounds will heal, well some will scar.

Edited February 14, 2019 by now is forever

[now is forever]

i start to understand the problem of elites again, and how there are so many types of elites i can never be a part of, some doors keep on being closed, i just was never so aware of it because mostly i never wanted to be part of a lot of these elites. i never noticed that i might also belong to one, but i do.

[now is forever]

i really love art - it’s so dammn good, especially directly where it belongs.

[Zigzag Idiot]

On 2/17/2019 at 10:16 AM, now is forever said:

i start to understand the problem of elites again, and how there are so many types of elites i can never be a part of, some doors keep on being closed, i just was never so aware of it because mostly i never wanted to be part of a lot of these elites. i never noticed that i might also belong to one, but i do.

What you say perfectly describes my perspective that I didn't even realize I had until you described it.

[now is forever]

36 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

What you say perfectly describes my perspective that I didn't even realize I had until you described it.

the thing is i don’t even know if it’s just one or if there are more of them where i partially belong to.

by the way which one of the adresses where you referring to? cyprus or the troglodyt?

[Zigzag Idiot]

All of the numbers exactly correspond to my numerology which are in the same order as I use them in my email address. ??‍♂️????‍♂️

I'm the troglodyte.

Edited February 21, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot

[now is forever]

2 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

All of the numbers exactly correspond to my numerology which are in the same order as I use them in my email address. ??‍♂️????‍♂️

 oh ?? am i just too much lemon for the world? i really tried to wash my face today but sometimes it just sticks as lemon is really everywhere... and no one can understand the lemon phenomenon as lemons are maybe one of the last big riddles of our time!