random jungle noise

[now is forever]

was inspired by the shigendo video and wanted to share a video of my favorite zen master. jeong kwan, is a korean budhism nun - korean zen and japanese zen are different, i like the expression of korean zen a little more. about the practices, the dogmatic ones i can’t say anything about... but i guess if you go searching for food in the mountains, i like that also more. notice, there is no meat on the table. instead it is a meeting at the table, sharing gathered food.

for western society though, there might be no other way as the cold water shower first, or jumping into the sea ? until we see. maybe because there is still meat on the table.

thanks for the food

 

 

Edited October 12, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

this morning i took a stroll to the bakery and there where leaves everywhere. i like the sound of the dry brown ones crushing underneath my feet i also like walking through the red ones whirling them up so they make this  rustle sound.

but this morning i didn’t really do one of them instead i saw how they fell from the trees like the pink cherry petals in spring. and i catched one of them while it fell in soft spirals. beautiful yellow in the morningsun.

Edited October 14, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

although i still dream of bathing in the turquoise caribean sea, diving to see corals, white or coral, they both are beautiful.

and during the magical black night, i count the stars, or count on the stars to guide me.

it all feels like freedom even the blues sometimes. for orange - i really don’t know where to put that - maybe make orange juice. the greens grow wild here anyways.

Edited October 14, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

and yeah, the new video...

the greatest shit speach in history!

„toilet satori“ yes?

(„“quote)

Edited October 14, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

 

seams like hard work, i‘m still far from this level.

a lot of people here would maybe rather smoke shit 

this week will be full of really bad shit i guess.

or even with shit storms. facepalmbook is constantly flooded with that - but it mostly remains there - without noticing it just feeds itself.

and i‘m doing that too right now, so i‘m starting to face real shit with the palm of my hand, now. by logging out.

really can’t stop shitting around in my mind, this shit is really to addictive.

the holy shit - bullshit would be also the shit of the minotaur, so the whole life maze would be really just made of shit. all status symbols all dreams and especially delusions.

have seen a documentary about a tribe in africa, where they really mix bullshit in the clay, with a little straw to build their homes.

you can also burn bullshit - it’s a very good fuel, maybe better than other shit.

if you can make things out of shit - that’s something.

very profound 

but first disconstruction ? then construction ? 

Edited October 14, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

doing the work even though we are used to this:

we can even learn something about the better sitting position on the toilet. even toilets are full of bullshit.

and especially unicorns are full of shit. holding one of their shitpieces in my hands maybe i was confusing it with a fruit while typing but am addicted...so i‘m the one who bullshits myself.

but once again very interesting how i‘m therefore not full of science shit anymore. while i could go to any library to just read any random book about any material i wanted or any science i wanted if i wasn’t so centered on rechewing old grass.

in the same way i could go to any fab lab and any coworking space and just learn there and bring my creative knowledge to them. the same way as any scientist could just go to any creative space to learn there and teach there.

but all tribes use to stay in their bubbles just eating their own poo most of the time.

it even goes further we would produce a lot of shit, in sense of waste. and a lot shit thoughts on solving the problem, especially in the authenticity field, because we would just create a new bubble where we would make wrong decisions if one of the people in the group wouldn’t remove all the waste thoughts. so i if i would take responsibility i would need better tools to remove waste thought, to not produce bullshit waste.

so i would need the ability to either let them think for themselves and to listen very attentively, not overlooking something or to tell them very convincingly where it could be going. but that would be also full of bullshit so we still would produce a loooot of bullshit. 

especially the starting point would be so important. it would need to be something people find alluring to work on, something like bullshit...could be any bullshit though.

because there is infinite bullshit out there. and i‘m bullshitting myself, that i could work on almost any bullshit and make it less shity, except that i‘m bullshitting myself with that because i can’t do that alone and so i don’t even turn one bullshit into gold.

so that’s where the work on gathering tools starts, remove as much bullshit as possible from ourselves.

because form follows function(ing) so we can be happy with our lives and in our society despite all bullshit and despite all unicorn poo. i‘m also full of shitty shoulds in my physical life, so many shoulds and want‘s i don’t know where to start with very often. but working on all shoulds simultaniously is also difficult.

back to complete darkness with one grain of light. poolight ? ?

Edited October 15, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

mhhh asking too many questions destroys the fun.

[now is forever]

i‘m starting my manual bullshit cleaning with crossreading condensed chaos by phil hine, and mari kondo‘s the life changing magic of tidying up.

i‘ll restart reading both books and try to do whatever comes up. physically that‘ll mean i‘ll start sorting out my stuff - so i‘ll feel lighter.

every object we own cost‘s us energy, to clean it, to think about it, it maybe produces dust or is full of chemicals. and it will cost us work and time if we are not clever. not that i won’t own any of them anymore the unhealthy stuff, but i‘ll just let it go. (it will be not the first time but i didn’t do it for 3years now and that screams for actuality)

after i clean out my physical nest, i go on with my digital nest.

same with unhealthy thoughts, emotions, reactions and behavior. trying to watch them as much as possible. journaling.

i can’t start working on big life projects if i don’t start with myself.

i‘ll also research for a mindfulness meditation, to do all that. to stay in the present.

this is morning program, in the afternoon - i want to start on my projects.

it‘s a lot of work at the same time but i don’t need to do them all at once on one day. i‘ll try to modify as i need it, because i know everything that’s too strictly organized will just be bullshit for me, because i‘m alive.

and because i‘m spending too much time on procrastination/creative thoughts my body also will need to go deeper into the attention span problem because if i watch the mind wandering around, my body does so too, because it is unfocused then. (it should go away with mindfulness practice but maybe there is more to it)

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_span

goldfish poo 

Edited October 16, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

first general insight, quote from mari kondo:

„as an organizing fanatic and professional, i can tell you right now, that no matter how hard i try to organize another’s space, no matter how perfect a storage system i devise, i can never put someone else’s house in order in the true sense of the term. why? because a person‘s awareness and perspective on his or her own lifestyle are far more important than any skill at sorting, storing, or whatever. order is dependent on the extremely personal values of what a person wants to live with.“

it doesn’t mean we can’t try to help if another person runs into bullshit, but where is our own limit? that depends on being aware of our limitations in helping. there is just one exception - standing up for anothers life if it’s at stake. we use to overlook that, we use to look away.

can we see what’s lifethreatening to ourselves? to see what’s lifethreatening to others? we can only organize ourselves, we can’t count on others to do the work for us but a helping hand we can take it or tell politely: it’s ok, i‘ll do that for myself.

reaching a helping hand is only an offer that can always be denied, sometimes even if we try to help ourselves.

Edited October 16, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

this morning i wake up with these thoughts:

>>shit is a matter of taste<<

and this shit poetry:

a lot of shit is shit, but not shitting the shit out of shit.

[now is forever]

i just realized, why i‘m not doing god/ess or temple serving practices, rituals anymore. i was afraid of these feelings blinding me from what really is because i went into some crazy addiction like mode, so i stopped all the heartwarming practices. what surely is nothing bad but serving our own temple to give love to others and serve the universal temple, also means having beautiful rituals.

i noticed that in india, it’s so beautiful to bring flowers to the temple. in sri lanka at some ayurvedic places they put flowers in water bowls every morning, sometimes they pluck them from the trees while they walk to the bus - going from home to work - a busride can take one hour or two.

just doing something like this, with love and then doing expanding love meditation. maybe i should start to do that. alternating with mindfulness practice. i‘ll see where that takes me.

because flowers are not shit, they just grow on it.

Edited October 17, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

there is a joke my father always laughed about.

i‘m not sure if he fully understood it though:

there is a ghostdriver on the highway, he sees a car coming from the other direction, he shouts out: a ghost driver!....another one! one, two, three, so many!

[now is forever]

all this lemonjuce all over my face, i really don’t know how to hide it. ?

i‘m just a fool on a fools journey.

Edited October 18, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

yesterday i went to have bioresonance during accupuncture against smoking. it worked better than i thought and less than i hoped it would. but who would think there wouldn’t be no thoughts on smoking at all? it comes only for short moments and i can see the urge arising very clear like a thought. it is also not like before when i really needed a strong will power, just to stop. yesterday directly after treatment i even held my breath when i smelled a cigarette because i was disgusted. i also don’t have the urge to eat something instead, that’s very interesting.

[now is forever]

the home jail breaking is going slowly but steady. i have one big bag with clothes i would not buy if i would have to spend money for them today. that reduced the content of my war(d)robe to half, to two third of what it contained before.

shame on me i have friends who still reduced their wardrobe to less.

 

[now is forever]

from the nootropic video i bought 4 substances, all phytopharmaca - 3 of them where new for me.

actually i bought ashwaghanda in a an ayurvedic store about a 9days ago for the goldfishbrain - and already felt more sattvic on sunday. 

so what i bought from the list, of course the one i already knew but didn’t try was brahmi.

then very interesting the lions mane. think of buying one for my mom, too. if it’s really good.

and the hyperzine a what is called bärlapp in german.

and l-theanin even though they found it in green tea, it is also derived from a fungus i think.

i was always sceptical about nootropics i guess - and very much into adaptogens - but i like phytochemicals, if they work...and i even will try the modafinil if the netherlands supplier will send it.

so now i took more than one substance today - and i can’t really experiment because i took 3 at the same time and ate raw cacao beans, which are (always) fermented.

so maybe the next week i will only go with the l theanin, because someone made me aware today that it might help with overcoming smoking addiction - intervening with the dopamine receptors - so i think i will want to test that first. if i‘ll feel less sattvic then, i‘ll just start to take the ashwaghanda again in addition.

but i can tell the cacao beans... yummy. in the future i can have spiced kurkuma oatmilk for breakfast and snack on a handful of cacao beans for the kick. (no kitchen at the moment, but soon)

 

i wonder if the story about the magic beans was about these beans.?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sattvic_diet

Edited October 26, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

 

[now is forever]

took 300mg l-theanin this morning did a short meditation and got tired again. so i slept for another hour. 

not sure if the l- theanin makes a difference in feeling more awake maybe not in comparison to regular tea or coffee? at least not yet. i‘ll see about the craving - have the feeling it helpes for that.

[now is forever]

ok - there is data that suggests to take the l- theanin together with coffein rich nutrients. because l-theanin is mostly a stress reducing subsatsnce (what explains the reduction of craving cigarettes as stress reducing drug), it is supposed to calm the nerves without making tired. what doesn’t mean it makes more awake in sense of tiredness - it just means it makes more attentive.

so if used against anxiety it’s supposedly more against stress induced anxiety (like anxiety coming from performance/group pressure or like the dude and faceless say time/fear) can’t say anything about that (except for the craving).

the dosage can go up to 400mg. so i‘m already in the upper level with 300mg.

Edited October 27, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

i realized i get the nicotine craving also related to creative stress. what is supposed to be a different kind of stress than the pressure/fear stress.

so now i am at the point where i want to understand brain waves. and how they feel like - to understand when i need what kind of wave to produce what kind of mood for myself. so i could switch between the different me‘s depending on the situation, if it is not in some kind of interaction communication flow, where i react to external/internal input. instead only by getting aware through awareness of what solves an actual problem faster.

these observations seem now possible, because i got a lever on one of the brainwaves through l-theanin. it’s supposed to be producing alpha - waves.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha_wave

so what i have to figure out now, if it is a 4wave or a 10wave alpha wave? is it from the occipital lobe or the hypocampus? i suppose it‘s a 10 wave suppressing a very loose association, (i need those for exploring new factors though in mind expansion times). or did i get that wrong... another interesting point is, that alpha waves induce errors? i also really need to find out about that... maybe i need to get relaxed about making errors. but i never thought about it while being creative because it’s more about the doing than the thinking.

https://www.ucdavis.edu/news/brain-wave-patterns-can-predict-blunders-new-study-finds/

i get that the alpha waves come from the occipital lobe, which is the visual center of the brain, so if i close my eyes it should make the visual imagination more intense or is it the opposite? so these studies just say that the mind gets distracted with visuals before it makes errors in prediction related tasks?

so now i have to test it under meditation with a high visual note - and during a creative manual work. and compare it to the same without l-theanin. 

it‘s called cross experiment... well not really, because the population i‘m testing is „me“ and the controll is also „me“

so it‘s more a 2x2 but it doesn’t really matter i just want to find out for myself and not do statistics.

Edited October 28, 2018 by now is forever