random jungle noise

[now is forever]

i try to grasp that today

Edited September 26, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

day four:

today i forgot setting the alarm. woke up at 07:30 and almos instantly sat up for meditation. a little too fast maybe, almost stressed.

today i did a bodysacan/relaxation first and the pranayama second.

Edited September 27, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

there is a me time and a we time (earth time). for some time i gave everything up to the we time, for some time i gave everything up for the me time - it’s time to bring them together - me and the world - again.

[now is forever]

day five:

did the pranayama for a very short time today. in that sense it was kind of sloppy.

wan’t to find a method to make a strangeloop out of the morning meditation and stopping smoking, again. started smoking after the breakup.

well we made a break out of it - we want to figure out if there is still something there and we try to find out about how we are taking everything for granted the other one puts into the relationship. that means the contract we never brought to paper is in discussion again. we’ll see if we are both able to open up to the other again.

but i still reflect on how it would be to really follow my dreams - maybe moving to another country, the netherlands, italy... somewhere in asia... how would it be to find another partner who is more open and has same goals? or would i just end up in another trap. don’t know would i find one, would i risk what i worked for on an emotional level. 

that’s really tough, dreams fighting against each other with every day floating in. another infinite possibility loop.

so i stick with self development. in smoking i’m still stuck in blue.

Edited September 28, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

this is what maya teaches to children - what the... had to take a photograph of it.

notice how the sink looks like a toilet.

Edited September 28, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

the horror of a woman is not only wage slavery - it‘s also love slavery.

the richer in the ability to love the outside we are - the more often it gets exploited in a relationship.

that‘s a dilemma. the currency for love can never be money it needs to be love as well - or translated in work, an exchange of work the couple does for each other.

as the woman in most cases is lower in monetary status - it’s difficult for men to get in their mind that this is not a social status. because they learned to compare monetary status with social status. but it’s not. being social means exchange of help in sense of work, and this work is always meeting the needs. these needs can only be met by love. 

sexual attraction is only a small, small part of love. if men reduce themselves to only that - they can also sink in social status a looot.

this is the difference between community (starting by two, in sense of a couple) and the outside world.

it‘s also important to understand, that the only person to judge the social status in a relationship is the partner, and if children arrive it’s still the partner who judges that, because the children are not part of the relationship - they are part of the family though.

so skipping out of it by thinking there are no consequences in the relationship because it’s „only“ the partner is a no no.

Edited September 30, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

day six: did the pranayama directly after waking up and wanted to add a yoga sequence and afterwards a cleansing breath. but then got interrupted, and the day came already floating in.

day seven, one week ?:

 did the pranayama not directly after waking up, maybe because i didn’t use a bell? even though i did it, it was stepping back behind all other movements and actions before and afterwards and in that sense less calm and more integrated into everything else - so not so sharp but another quality.

Edited October 1, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

the problem about world problems is they are huge, and sometimes overpowering - we feel them even in our direct neighborhood we breath them we eat them we consume them. why? because the world didn’t teach us how to change them. and some are out of our reach. (that’s why in south korea they wear masks on days when the dust comes from china)

they are often circular, they are subventionated and artificially kept alive. what can we do against them? we have to build healthy circular systems that make it possible to step out of the circles we don’t want to be part of. those will exist next to each other - the healthy circles and communication systems will gain more and more support and start to grow until they are bigger than the unhealthy ones - so is the theory. 

(but at some point it needs state support - that’s how it worked with asbestos in germany - it’s banned here and they remove it from all public spaces at least)

that‘s why there are still infinite possibilities in building new business. because there is so much trash out there, people are starved for healthy. some just don’t know it yet.

the clue is to make it healthy and pretty. but then again how to change conditioned tastes? and in the beginning it’s usually expensive so it’s not available for the mainstream - and after a while the unhealthy industry jumpes in your style boat and all the inherent meaning  disappears.

that‘s the problem with changing production ways - they always manage to fake it for the unaware consumer.

and that’s why we sometimes feel like don quichotte against the windmill - well, don quichotte for the windmill ??‍♀️

Edited September 30, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

day 8: today i really had to do the love expanding thing... i felt a little down from the asbestos movie on the blog to be reminded of it. after all i still try to hide from the outside world a little and try to block it out, because it’s too much. so i ried to love myself, my lungs and tried to love all the don quichottes out there. who try to change the world every day. and tomorrow i will include all the ones who wish to change the world - guess that enough for a starter. the evil guys i can maybe love them to death like those children in movies who love their little animal to death...with that?

afterwards i did my brainprotection programm.

i guess i need a stuffed dinosaur toy now.

and i think i really need to do the cleansing breath...

Edited October 1, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

i wish i would have found the full version in english... but i guess for protection of the artist, it’s good i didn’t. so this movie is about dust. it shows many of the aspects of dust. dust is everywhere and even if we try to remove it all - it’s impossible. but if we are aware of it, we can just try to keep the bad dust out of our lungs - for me that would be stopping smoking. the dust fight is an enormous topic - starting by cars, asbestos, workprotektion, dustmites and so on from the human to nature if we put it out there it’s like a bakteria - it’s in the wind and travels miles and miles, it doesn’t care for political borders it doesn’t care who you are. 

now i can even add chili dust, pepper dust, kardamom dust, and this rainbow pigment dust i suppose they can never wash off their clothes. and all the dust i love.

i don’t know if there is an english version. here the german trailer:

 

Edited October 1, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

just noticed - in my mind i still need a lot of key cues to stream connective systems. mhhh 

Edited October 1, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

day 9: already skipped it. to many dreams i had to reflect on.

tomorrow is a new day.

[now is forever]

just realized i stretch the meaning of some words to describe phenomena very widely and think people would understand all the possible meaning behind it... 

@Zweistein made me attentive of the building your existential vocabulary video... and even though i did that already i always tried to grab the meaning, i never tried to learn phrases, maybe i have to look it up again - or i just make a list of my favorite words and write down my own explanation and then look up where i agree with classic definitions...

the problem with definition is - there are so many different definitions for example for “psychology” in the end you are helpless because they all say something different related to their school and field. either you try to pack them all together or you list them underneath each other - but then you still don’t know exactly what they mean if you didn’t go deeper into the field - and whoop you’re lost again 

in the meantime you wrote a whole book about the meaning of psychology...

but that makes it all so much more blurry- and then you can’t use the word for other stuff anymore - for example understanding narcissism related to ego or codependency as a general phenomenon instead of an illness.

so i like cognitive maps much more than listing...

Edited October 3, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

day 10: woke up at 4:30 did my survival breath and went to sleep again for two hours.

later i did some kriya btw kundalini against addictions (in europe they use both interchangeable for some of the practices).

and the cleansing breath.

guess that makes up for skipping yesterday.

also i cleaned out the bowl that served as an ashtray. brew a ginger  tea (i let it sit until it’s spicy) and decided to donate the remaining cigarettes to some punks on the streets - or maybe to one of the junkies around the corner  someone who is addicted to cigarettes and can’t afford it so they don’t have to smoke the ends from the streets. although it’s not a good deed i can sympathize with smoking addictions why should i throw them away then? and it will still feel more like an end to smoking.

Edited October 3, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

by the way - today is memorial day for breaking down walls. ⭕️ 

it belongs to everyone.

Edited October 3, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

i really need to pause this because i guess i grasped it all. staying here would be an endless prolongation of not being in the physical space and that is growing over my head if my focus doesn’t return to it. 

had a very interesting and enlightening time here though. and met a lot of nice people on the surface of my phone some also met me on theirs. everything that counts is meeting at the heart though. and i‘m a person who likes reality too much to play mindgames on a phone - maybe i can start to play them in real physical reality now. 

i‘ll start with one week of staying out.

 

Edited October 4, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

 

Edited October 4, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

this was a lost game. but as i am playing against myself - it’s impossible to loose 

so i won‘t stay out completely. but i will reduce it. so i‘ll try to stay out for another week. does that make sense? guess that’s the problem with all addictions. at least a possibility to understand them better.

it’s certainly about consistency of presence. but how to stay open minded in presence and consistent in the past with decisions, it can’t be done if the mind doesn’t take controll over presence and that means loosing out on openmindedness. it can only be done with gradual training or incision. and then gradual training after incision.

i feel more like in an addiction programme than in monster university.

Edited October 11, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

i also noticed if one thought/feeling /insight arises for example through communication with friends, i really have to start working quickly on it if not i‘m loosing that cloud feeling and can’t integrate it into a plan or model. models usually stick longer and are like maps.

Edited October 11, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

decided to take a middle path first. i‘ll just reduce it gradually - incisions are not my taste. except for toxic addictions.