random jungle noise

[now is forever]

came back from india with a bunch of new knowledge, new thoughts, and some new things...

not only that i learned some kumbhaka techniques, because of the eagles and the garuda. (in my old journal i wrote about holding the breath - guess i do that since childhood, without technique)

i also found an approach to hindu belief.

brought a dancing ganesha statue with me. ganesh is the god of new beginnings and in his dancing form, the god of the fine and performing arts. 

i would not have bought any murti before, but now i really like it, because i beleve in what it stands for (for me).

it reminds me of that now.

Edited September 10, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

today i thought about the connection between fear and the feeling of being powerless in a situation.

are they linked? 

i always thought, feeling powerless was not about fear. on the contrary, i thought powerlessness is paired with a will to act and the awareness of not having appropriate tools or power to do so.

so is the paralysis deriving from that breading fear?

are we able of being afraid of being paralyzed?

does that lead to procrastination? and in that to more paralysis?

or is procrastination initially just another tool to solve the internal conflict - what was originally an internal external conflict? procrastination here in sense of a creative method to overcome the problem by changing directions.

so is meditation in that sense also just another form of procrastination? until we control our body and mind, so procrastination time takes less time?

that‘s why i love solving problems, because i hate paralysis?

 

 

even though it’s a possible solution - i would not dare reducing meditation to only this.

maybe what’s making life really worthwhile is procrastination on an advanced level. MAYBE LIFE ITSELF IS PROCRASTINATION!

just depends on the perspective.

Edited September 11, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

i‘m still amazed by parallelism of thought in me and others (without communication in advance). if it appears, i always check possibilities.

Edited September 11, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

....just remembered, one or two years ago, i came to the conclusion that there was only one big taboo left to talk about - the biggest taboo of them all.

life

 

i guess it is not anymore.

[now is forever]

just watching the wage slavery vid and must confess - now i know why i love getting my brain washed here 

because it doesn’t shrink and feels nice and clean after the process, most dirt washed away. not only white washing. and the smell of the detergent at least feels biodegradable.

everything we need sometimes is a good laundrette.

Edited September 12, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

why duality is a tool of survival?

a model of an outside world is there to anticipate the outside world to act inside it to manipulate it to find a way in it.

who is the shaper of this model? it’s a coworking space.

but there is someone sitting inside controlling what is to be let in and what is not. and there is the inside that forms the model.

(can it be animated from somewhere else in a distance directly, that would be scary? is it that? or is it animating itself? it is animated by other models for sure though.)

NOW in perception only happens if we let it in and let it fill an empty spot.

if this worldmodel is complete (it can be complete and not accurate) we can understand what the empty spot means for the perceived outside of the model.

one might come to the conclusion afterwards, it is best to stop manipulating and to move outside of the game and only teach from the outside of the game how the path is to be found and walked. but this is only if the word manipulation is a wrong model. manipulation means with the hands - with the own hands - for the enlightened. while manipulation as a brainwashing is very, very dangerous, it is what sects do.

if we want to remain inside the world and start to work on it with others, it’s so suffocating so annoying seemingly like a fight against the always unchanging in a person, especially when the other doesn’t move perspectives from the heart. if thoughts are not animated by the love for people and the cause.

that’s why i chose objects to manipulate - it doesn’t matter if they break. and i can manipulate them without harming them (they are just objects). and they also don’t reject my help.

helping others without forcing ourselves on them while they also have an agenda, that makes us pack our things and walk the streets as monks - helping where help is wanted not where it is lost. (maybe it’s also where all help is lost so it is wanted).

getting lost ourselves so others won’t. that’s forcelessness (forceless control, one possible form of non violent codependency to control) that’s why people don’t notice the ones that flower the world.

 

because flowers are the thoughts going unnoticed, the dreams going unnoticed the future we might not have because we don’t notice it.

it is not only the now that counts it is the full experience/awareness of the now in anticipation of a better future in sense of less suffering.

but yes, ending the suffering in ourselves is the first step into it.

Edited September 15, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

just went to starbucks, because i’m in a small city right now and starbucks at least has vegan milk alternatives. i don’t drink coffe as mutch as before but today i needed it. as usual the question for my name - sometimes i say peter or klaus. this time i said: just put a star on it - most people put a star like this: * but he put a two triangle star aka david star. i just said oh nice this is an advanced one.

while walking around i tried to understand what makes this small city different than other small cities in sense of openness. i also meet people’s eyes so mutch more these days than i used to. 

so i met the eyes of a woman next to me at the tram stop - both of us smiling. she had her hair covered by a veil. 

in the tram i passed by two guys in a happy mood speaking french with african dialect, smiling at me. i didn’t meet their eyes for long because i try to not encourage interest, with guys in general.

sat down and drank my coffee and saw the star again and noticed what it meant , maybe here at the same place two or three lifespans away.

and i started to think about stigmata. about stigmatization of others but also about stigmatizing ourself.

Edited September 15, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

so what do i mean talking about stigmatization? 

if i talk about stigmata i don’t talk only about the visual stigmata - i talk about the voluntary or involuntary separation of one person or group from the herd. the separation sometimes happens because of just visual differences but also in differences that emerge from behavior.

to not get the whole thing preconceptive loaded in a bad way - i thought about the artists stigmata, it is a self chosen one. a stigmata we choose because we want to be different and create a difference. it’s a little bit similar to the stigmata of youth cultures.

i chose this because i find it to be a stigmata that’s not negative or political loaded and mybe it can help us separating cultural or descendence stigmata from behavioral stigmata, if we reflect on it.

it‘s so mutch about group dynamics, too. but i don’t want to talk about groups at the moment. as i can’t change them, i can only change myself.

Edited September 15, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

today i was reminded once again of the fact that life indeed is a game, but not one just to be watched and controlled like a video game or a movie. it is there to be acted upon and experienced in it’s true nature - only this way we can be healthy in body mind and soul.

Edited September 16, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

live might be a maze, but subconsciousness is like a magic forest. when we are entering it it’s better going prepared.

 

what really fits, because i‘m at freiburg at the blackforest right now.

Edited September 16, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

just realized: unconditional love is not unconditional it is conditioned - it is something we can learn but only if we are teached. love is not just a belief it is experiencable, watchable, touchable but one thing it is not: calculated - it never can be.

[now is forever]

watching the vlog on epistemology and metaphysics right now. and just thought: yeah how to explain someone that time is just the clockwork in the clockwork itself. and that we experience it because we are part of it. but it’s also impossible to not be part of it. and that time is mostly centrifugal and has a wave function. but we perceive it like a camera filming a movie. making it happen through processing. editing it to our needs and acting upon it like we were the center of the world the keeper of truth - and possibly sometimes are. and here it stops for me. 

and that this is all irrelevant if we let it run through our fingers like sand without properly being aware of its beauty. protecting by all means what still is there to protect. because the system we created plays us like a video game.

maybe i should think in cat possibilities again. i’m getting way to rational on this.

Edited September 18, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

 

 

[now is forever]

today i took a stroll around my new quarter - i love it. it’s very chaotic democratic sometimes brutal sometimes beautiful all next to each other (a last reserve)

i bought a book of rosa luxemburg - „being a person is especially the main thing“. for history like that berlin is a huge museum - history everywhere. there is a rosa luxemburg square in another quarter.

later i also found my favorite contemporary bookstore ever, right around the corner of my home.

i really want to do more meditation but i also find so many other new knowledge that helps me to link to great thinkers of the past and the now. i guess i‘m only stretching the meaning of now from the blink of an eye to the space i‘m walking through.

i know it’s a bubble though. and i don’t know when just when should i read the maybe 15 other books about yoga, mysticism, psychology, decisionmaking etc. i bought in the last two months.

Edited September 19, 2018 by now is forever
also bought an anthology - and am just thrilled by the meaning of anthology.

[now is forever]

guess i just like getting lost in chaos - even though it doesn’t feel like chaos, it all makes sense.

[now is forever]

life for me just goes in circles - same situations appearing again and again. whatever happens i try to react to it in a centrifugal way - i throw in what ever answer i have to the actual moment. 

but the center of this circle timewise/thoughtwise is going into one direction. it’s somehow impossible to go with the body into one direction and with the mind into another and with the dreams into another. so in this model (psychological)time is linear and it stands still if there is no defined aim.

if i concentrate onto general awareness i can’t concentrate on a specific situation that leads me to a goal because the goal is general awareness.

if i want to stay focused i need to shut off myself from everything else or ignore it. and even then i need to focus on the goal first and stick with it.

that‘s difficult for someone who wants to work in every direction of his or her life. especially if one stays open to every wave that comes from the outside.

because well even if the mind works on multiple solutions parallel how can the body or the hands do. 

so while the models, concepts are circling around a center, like planets around a star/sun in parallel circles (maybe i should see it more 3dimensional) in my model (matrioshka model). 

in the model of body mind soul world unity - it is a little different. mind and soul seem aligned but the body always has to follow into that direction, so if i‘m working on contemplation or even on writing down insights i always have to do that physically - if i read, i have to do that physically - if i want to build something i have to do that physically. but that implies, i can’t do other stuff that’s also on my list at the same time. that’s one of my challenges - well i unlearned to focus on one goal alone. obviously to relearn it differently now.

sometimes i am a really bad scholar because i only want dynamic models - i have a problem to fit myself into squares - and if i do, i‘m dancing.

yesterday i heard that song in a cafe and remembered how i used to listen to it some years ago - that’s the kind of scholar i’ve always been, it‘s also a thanks to my parents especially my mom (i mean that in a positive way) even though it is a little bit of a tragedy sometimes.

 

it totally changes it‘s meaning if i set it into a non romantic context. i would maybe also take out the second verse. maybe my english is just too lose.

 

In a manner of speaking
I just want to say
That I could never forget the way
You told me everything
By saying nothing

In a manner of speaking
I don't understand
How love in silence becomes reprimand
But the way that I feel about you
Is beyond words

Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me everything

In a manner of speaking
Semantics won't do
In this life that we live
We only make do
And the way that we feel
Might have to be sacrificed

So in a manner of speaking
I just want to say
That like you I should find a way
To tell you everything
By saying nothing

Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me everything

Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me everything

Edited September 20, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

that song is a song from the past to the past, that yearns for present in every human connection.

reality is often different though - so i try to give words that tell nothing, by saying everything.

it‘s also possible to tell everything, by saying nothing.

but i don’t know if i could ever learn that without talking. 

[tsuki]

@now is forever beautiful song

It always amazes me how songs I don't understand but find beautiful (via feelings) always turn out to have beautiful, deep lyrics.

[now is forever]

@tsuki yes me too. i always try to go for both. just can’t listen to songs if the lyrics don’t touch. started to learn english that way. 

in a time where lyric doesn’t count so mutch anymore... how to find poetic truth, if not in music?

the best artists are those who burn themselves, that’s their tragedy.

my mom just read a book containing thoughts from goethe, a collection of his letters and notes. she marked some thoughts -   a little like linking 

want to know what she marked?

you see @tsuki i guess i‘m not a postmodernist i‘m a trans modernist or something like that.

Edited September 21, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

truthfully speaking, like @Zweistein i don’t know why i’m still hanging around here, still posting stuff here. mostly in my journal, what i could also have in a book. what makes it so addictive to write all this insignificant thoughts. gotten accustomed to the public viewer, like on facebook.

i guess this forum like other forums - is really a good maze model. once you’ve lost yourself in it you can’t remember why you’ve  entered it in the first place.

and as it is irrelevant if you stay or go, you just stick around with the habit.

Edited September 21, 2018 by now is forever