random jungle noise

[now is forever]

this journal is for random output, sharing some inspiration. (real journal is on paper)

 

[now is forever]

so basically it is: find yourself in the jungle.

and then eliminate it?

what‘s left is only the jungle and the person who took the audio recording.

it‘s only random noise if you remove yourself from the equation.

[now is forever]

doing some reflection for men here:

? the heroes journey from joseph campbell is way to complicated... all this dying and rebirthing and killing and luring. 

it‘s like a labyrinth itself - how could anybody find a way out with that kind of story? it’s like a self fulfilling prophecy.

you get neurotic just by believing in it completely.

sorry to campell lovers. no offense.

don‘t want to even disconstruct that. it’s an odyssey.

think i‘ll do the most irritating picture comparison anyways.

Edited August 15, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

first picture, hero with a thousand faces:

the holy mary picture with jesus in her arms - the complexes campbell talks about afterwards are understood but the solution to it is only partly helpful. 

the solution is the dragon slayer...? maybe that’s the root cause of many problems, maybe that’s one cycle. but it misses out on the possibility to find peace in the reunification with the feminine by finding peace with the feminine.

it‘s true though that the real influence of the mother has to go partly to unify completely with another woman - there has to be a hierarchy in an relationship. as long as the queen is the mother, there will not be another queen. if the mother steps back without slaying, she might not have to be slain at all.

the dragon is a dream or an illusion - the dream of the mother as the unity (mother child) vs the woman behind the the dragon.

so it’s also about letting the projections of the mother go to see the true nature of other women and accept them as different from the mother. 

so i guess to find unity for men it’s important to understand the negative aspects of their woman picture and also understand if they hold up their mother too high - in the end it’s a matter of both, loyalty in a relationship and projections.

and in one aspect the dragonslayer is always righ (if the motherpicture is too present, it’s very difficult to find any woman sufficient at all)

if we think of the dragon as part of two dragons, like they are found in asia, the dragon is also possibly the father aspect. slaying this dragon might be an alternative, too. in the sense of replacing that picture with another men picture.

in the end we might need to understand, that both dragons are part of us and that we have to tame them instead of slaying them completely. (they themselves contain also two dragons and so forth) it‘s not about suppressing them - it’s about understanding them and about letting the negative aspects go.

in taoism that picture is different in many aspects - they don’t kill the dragon at all. but east asian cultures also have never seen themselves separate from nature (at least some family traditions still keep that secret alive)

Edited August 16, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

hero with a thousand faces:

don’t know what to say about the labyrinth of the minotaur only that the minotaur is ambivalent, could be the hero as well - so the minotaur is something like a janus figure. and most eye opening that it‘s the feminine that holds the thread. 

difficult if that was cut off before...

guess it‘s about maternal, material healing. both in the individual and material world.

what leads to the one vs the others. guess the thread is there to sew the peaces together. what a mess.

(that‘s why going from green to yellow too fast will not help a bit. green is holding the strings, as in earth, mother, peaceful protection. without constructing a nice green reflection, there won’t be a bright turquoise and no healing)

listen to the jungle sound above  and find yourself and your mother in it and don‘t remove yourself from the jungle. accept it, you want it to survive.

....and don’t kill anything, at least for a while.

Edited August 16, 2018 by now is forever
i guess the mother should try to not kill anything as well.

[now is forever]

it’s this symbol i reflected that on ....

it‘s about finding love (in general)

Edited August 15, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

guess i‘m rewriting the jungle book, hehe.

[now is forever]

hero with a thousand faces:

there is another picture i‘m afraid i have to destroy - in my interpretation the jesus cross, is incomparable with the bodhi tree. guess it has nothing to do with enlightenment, he already was enlightened before if i got it right.

jesus’s cross is more comparable with the ahimsa way of complete surrender to truth/peace. bringing down the slapping hand, in that sense through emotional movement.

(what helped building the myth of martyrdom, what is even though sad, nothing wrong in battle for freedom and  still happens everywhere someone stands up for truth/life/peace)

today we would call it civil courage, oh that’s the german translation, sorry - moral courage.

maybe it’s just the same.

Edited August 16, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

mh - sometimes i don‘t get it who‘s wounds do i try to heal??? mine or the feminin or the masculine or the dragons or the minotaurs or everyone else’s or this generations or my parents or the worlds or is it just procrastination? or do i still search for love? or is it all the same?

very confused. 

i guess i‘m the unmanifest ? in multiple directions.

guess that feeling comes because i’m just in the process of deconstructing my entire home, in the middle of moving...at least that’s a manifestation.

Edited August 16, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

finally some quiet moments - the thing about deconstructing a home is: you find all that stuff of your past and feel you want to get rid of some ballast. and before you know it you get lost in defragmentation.

the other thing is - a quiet well sorted and still chaotic home (problem of working with material) is something like a workspace - you know where you can find everything, so it’s your body mind prolongation. 

to deconstuct that sets me under stress, because i try to keep some kind of order, to set it up again.

the new flat is completely different and it will have different boundaries/space than before. 

to think about the space and the hows and where’s. i guess it was fun once, but i moved too often and being a designer doesn’t help a bit, just makes it more complicated.

at least it‘s good for decluttering the past.

Edited August 16, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

with objects it’s not so difficult to sort them out - if there is no future there is no past for them (well they have some kind of future even not with you, but mostly it doesn’t hurt letting them go).

what about people though - i know the video about toxic people. but it’s not easy to let them go... especially if they take a peace of your heart. especially if they are not toxic but they are toxic to you because they neglect you the way you are.

i guess that’s my father figure. and i guess not just mine. 

they want you to fit you in their shoes, they want the world to fit in their shoes and even if they want to change it‘s way, they still want us to fit in their shoes - but hey, women would like to do that, too. 

i liked the quote: if someone treats you like an option do yourself the favor to remove you from the equation.

it’s not always possible though...

there is another star in my life: it might not be possible not being influenced, but you can always choose what and who influences you. take my pride in quoting myself here (even though that turns out to be just nonsense if there is no one or nothing available to influence you  or too much to influence you in a counterproductive way)

Edited August 17, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

next topic for me is material/psychological codependency. and codependency of thought and action. dream and reality.

also codependency of space and form. 

 

in a sense it‘s also about codependency of opposites and codependency of adjustment and counter reaction.

what leads to interdependence of everything.

Edited August 17, 2018 by now is forever
but i‘m moving today so it‘s just a reminder, for me to work on this topic.

[now is forever]

despite all open questions, entering reality means some shame coming back on the assumption of possibilities. this whole time here was like a summer mega trip - no plane could bring you there i guess. but maybe it was one or two planes in the first place.

if a trip is that exciting how can you go back into reality, without taking at least some pictures with you. how can anyone go back to the old self afterwards. so i’m codependent to this forum now - it’s a form of addiction definitely.

but how to disconnect entirely and focus on dreaming reality if you started to question reality in general because the new dream is the old dream just different, or the new reality is the old reality just not so different.

still trying to think about the whole codependency topic. but maybe i just write that on paper.

 

[now is forever]

the tale of the little nazi.

the little nazi was a child like everyone else. he wanted to play and have fun with other children and he loved his mother and his father. but something happened while growing up and that made him different than the others. he was told he was special, what would have been ok if it wouldn’t have been in a very ego like manner, they told him he was better and superior to others. they told him he was part of a group of special people with a special skin tone a special religion a special way of understanding life, by listening to the tales of their kind. and those people are chosen to rule the world one day. well not exactly they told him one was chosen to rule the world and if he became one with the one he would be worth of their love. at the same time they treated him like he was nothing. maybe his father even slapped him for playing with the children that didn’t belong to their group. or he slapped him for not parading to his rules. he tought him how to hold others low. and of course he wanted his fathers love so he started to pick fights with other groups. while he wanted their love, too. and because he didn’t get their love, because his glas was never full, a bottomless pit, he tried to press it out of them like his father did. always the leader for the weaker, always creaping in front of the higher ups, taking every order they gave him, taking everything for granted an outhority said. and stepping on every one who didn’t want to give him his kind of love. so he started to slapp others, always in a fight for power. they told him one day he could be the one because he could become one with the one on the tip of the iceberg or even the one on the top of the world that ruled over all the people, the ones with power and the ones without. he would not change anything except for being the sole ruler, he would hold them in check with the methods of fear and manipulation.

his country and his people where the chosen ones by a higher power, an authority of truth (he never proved that). and when he grew up he went out trolling around like he was already the king of the world because he was part of the chosen ones. he tried to enslave free speach he tried to enslave the world by making it looking up to him. and thought he could do what he wanted - his people always rectified it. his goal always rectified it. but he also was nothing without people following him, because he couldn’t find peace in his self. because he couldn’t find love anywhere.

the little nazi had a family of his own, too. when he went out trolling in his military shoes, in the jungle of lowlifes, where he decided what animals are to be shot and what animals should survive, he brought the dirt back to his home and let the lower hierarchy ones clean up after him. so to speak his family. they didn’t know exactly what he was doing out there because that changed from day to day. but the dirt was often bloody and they didn’t understand if the blood was human or animal blood sometimes.

they never spoke up. and his prays didn’t hount him back, not in reality and not in his dream and because no one spoke up and no one hounted him he climbed a mountain of corpses.

Edited August 22, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

how is this tale different to the tale of a hero?

so what would the hero do instead?

[now is forever]

had this amazing experience in a plane yesterday. i fell asleep, my head rest against the window. suddenly waking up and realizing wow that’s me sitting here in this space,  kilometers and kilometers away from the earth with only a thin material inbetween the outside and me. and suddenly my awareness just expanded into the space, i saw cities and streets as pulsing rivers of light. the stars so very far away the clouds so close. and some mountain structures looking just like sand on a beach from above. and i expanded my awareness into that space while similar or shortly after being aware of them, i realized how smal i am in comparison. and closing my eyes, saw myself as this light body moving from here to there in a tube of light in the air. moving light but not in light speed. it was a strange experience realizing how small and breakable ones life is and still not being overly frightened, just for a second being irritated and then just amazed, to not just think that, but to feel that with some kind of expanding body sensitivities and visualization.

Edited August 27, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

where i‘m staying in india right now i can see a lot of eagles. sometimes very close because they land in the trees. and i can also hear them sing, it’s more singing than crying...in reality. so today i searched online for the meaning of the eagle in hindu believe system and stumbled upon garuda. the vehicle of vishnu, the protector.

guess what there is a military formation named after garuda that looks like a labyrinth it’s called Padmavyuha. how funny again - the labyrinth is really appearing everywhere, maybe it’s better to make it our strategy than to fight against it, i mean life.

the garuda is interesting in many ways especially in sense of breathing techniques - Garuda is the concentrated vayu power developed from the highest form of kumbhaka (breath-suspension) which is under full control of Vishnu. 

that’s an invitation for pranayama i guess.

and as i stopped smoking the day of the flight - that seems much more possible now.

[now is forever]

?

sorry i just had to throw up somewhere - watching ego‘s polishing their diamonds.

guess i really, really underestimated the significance of codependency - especially in group dynamics (of male) - well yeah i experienced something like that during adolescence, but i guess i forgot, because i use to walk away the minute i reek it. it’s not fear, it’s simply disgust, it’s an instinct.

Edited September 5, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

fragmentation of time - because impossible to discuss it somewhere else.  i have to take that up in here. it’s possibly an egoic reason, because that word is one of my favorites since almost 7 years now. and for me it felt like it was abused today.

fragmentation of time for me is the intermittence between different time sequences we use to do or think something. the longer the sequence the less the fragmentation.

today it was used to describe the division of thought and action, and the division of our internal and external worlds - i think that sounds cool and maybe seductive. but it’s way to complicated and disturbing to describe the splitted identities we want or want not to accept, with a concept of fragmentation. 

it‘s not exactly fitting to say space is fragmented. space is boardered and divided, but it’s not fragmented. it gets only fragmented if we move through it, through our perception. be that in thought or physically, the faster we move the more fragmented. the faster the world around moves us, the more fragmented.

but that doesn’t go for a healthy movement, if this process is healthy we call it rhythm instead.

well basically the theory about fragmentation of time came from the understanding, of a comonly wrongfully perceived space-time  division. i‘m not saying this is true but in my experience it is.

i found it espessially worthy in describing the phenomenon of fragmentation of time through technology and information overflow. and how our life gets fragmented with it.

Edited September 5, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

since some years i like the fairy tale of the rumpelstilzkin. 

the tale of naming something so it looses power over us. but it is not just the naming, along with it it’s an understanding of the dynamic of phenomenons that influence us in an unhealthy way.

Edited September 8, 2018 by now is forever