My break though: Putting it all together.

[Angelo John Gage]

Long post but I think worth the read, so please stick with me.

Almost a year ago, a young friend of mine sent me a link to @Leo Gura videos since he enjoys watching them. I began to watch his videos and over time, many have changed my life profoundly.

Between watchin his videos, reading  from Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations", and listening to hours of Alan Watts, I find myself once again "changing" my views about everything.

All of this helped me break through much personal, internal suffering and ignorance. I have a very unstable personality; what I mean by that, is that I almost have no ground and completely have been trying to find myself over the last several years. But one thing was always consistent, and that was 'truth seeking.'

My truth seeking began after I left the Marine Corps after serving twice in Iraq. It's not hard to imagine how learning the entire war was based on lies that lead me to question ALL of reality and my life totally. This betrayal was very painful of course.

I was raised Catholic but left that at age 23 after the war; I began to research how we, the "good guys" were dropping white phosphorous gas on Iraqis, committing all sorts of war crimes. I questioned Catholicism and left that due to inconsistencies. Further research lead me to question even history, including revisionist history; from WW2 and other things; to all sorts of conspiracy theories (some true). Naturally, these things lead me to change my various political ideologies; going from "liberal" to "republican" to even "white nationalist" at one point because I learned about "race realism."

During my various evolutions, I created Twitter and YouTube accounts. My non-PC approach had gotten me quite popular on Twitter, which lead to going viral on many websites, even mainstream and alternative; even Wikileaks sharing my content because of activism. The boost also came especially from the Trump crowd, who I voted for after dropping my White Nationalist beliefs which contained several fallacies and are simply not applicable to the USA. I joined the MAGA crowd believing Trump would deliver us from these shadowy globalist figures trying to rule the world. Now, there certainly is a plot to destroy Western Civilization with forced diversity and multiculturalism, along via debt usury and controlled media, this isn't even hidden, but not just the West, but also the entire planet via these systems. I am against any form of supremacy where one group wishes to impose their will on another. Regardless of people's political positions here ( it seems many are left-leaning socialists), I think we all agree to live and let live, so even if some group of Nazis wanted to live in Iceland left alone in their own racially homogenous society, without trying to conquer others, to go in and impose diversity on them against their will, would make you a supremacist, for example. The opposite would also hold true: If you wanted to force a diverse society to become homogenous against the people's will, you would be just as guilty.

Trump however, betrayed his promise of not 'dancing to the false song of globalism' which is the real reason I voted for him. I don't care about a wall or other things which can be reversed by the next president, but I wanted to see someone stand up against the Globalist bankers and warmongers. But  by striking Syria twice when there was zero evidence that Assad gassed his own people, showed me even Trump was compromised. For those of you who would have voted Hillary, things would be a lot worse as she was 100% for globalist wars, where Trump is more about Neoconservative wars. Either way, it was clear to me this shit is compromised.

Since Bush already lead me and my fellow marines into a fake war based on lies, I wasn't going to make the same mistake again, so immediately criticized Trump and got even more viral, this time, promoted by the Syrians and others in the Middle East. Of course I pissed off the MAGA crowd which I realized had become a cult, (same thing as Antifa or even White Nationalism) although I managed to pull some sensible people from and influential people from the crowd with me. I realized that even Islam, which I harshly criticized and totally reject (along with all religions), is being further demonized as a WHOLE (all Muslims narrative) to PUSH war in the Middle East. I do not want to see any innocent people die in any more fake wars, regardless of what they believe or not, so even though I have been exposing religion, I have people who support my efforts regardless, because no sane person wants WAR.

I know this isn't a political forum, but I feel its not possible for me to describe my personal growth without these details. I have no shame of my past because each experience lead me here. So Donald was my last straw, where I decided to totally break away from politics and just push for "justice" and exposing liars, on all sides and pushing against any fake wars against Syria and even Iran. I realized I had to be grounded in myself, if that makes any sense.

All while this happened, I was simultaneously watching Leo's videos to deal with this other betrayal. It was such a betrayal to me because I had abandoned politics totally after my two tours in Iraq; I haven't voted since I was 18, so me voting at 33 after decades of giving up, really stung. I got sucked bac into the bullshit so to speak. Me pushing for Trump and convincing others to vote for Trump makes me feel I am complicit in what has happened and will happen. So I'm on Twitter doing what I can to spread the anti-war message, even though I hate politics, it seems to be a necessary evil to organize or attempt to organize humanity. And this is done by ISMs.

Of course there are some truths in EVERY perspective, but also falsehoods. Almost everything I believed had a falsehood in it. As Leo stated in his recent 4hr video, everything has problems; there is not one place that doesn't have problems, that includes any ISM or anything in reality I would say.

All these ISMs, even non-dualism, are just ways of organizing human thoughts, basically categories of ideas, almost like their own religions. SO any ISM we choose to believe, we put on the lenses of that ISM and see the world limited from that ISM. We cannot put all ISMs on simultaneously and see all things from all perspectives; we can only focus on one thing at a time, even when looking at Sameness and Differences. We cannot see both simultaneously, but can notice one after the other.

In regards to my older worldviews, I have grown a lot. I have suffered much mental turmoil in the last several years; naturally as I consistently was bitch-slapped by reality and having to battle my ego. I have made many external changes by getting rid of all sorts of addictions and negative people. I have made many changes internally to the point where I have become "blank", just recently actually by being brutally honest with myself and accepting 'losses'. My absence from this board was me stepping away even from actualizing so I could absorb everything. I do have PTSD and other issues, but everything about my life: my wife, son, family, finances, are all 'good' and in place, but the internal struggle, which is all made up in my head; exacerbated by the fact I know its all bullshit but still let it affect me, seems to be coming to an end because I have turned 'blank' as I have mentioned. By blank I mean that I cannot even get offended personally; dealing with SJWs and Twitter trolls, White Nationalists, Nazis, Communists, Antifa, MGTOW, Feminists, MAGA crowd, Hillary Crowd, etc  and all sorts of people I've pissed off (there isn't one group I haven't offended by being honest) and this is because I have become "tribeless" in a sense. I have gotten death threats and all sorts of attacks that none affect me, and this is because I feel my ego has submitted to the truths I've learned here. In other words, it is working for me now with the flow, knowing it cannot control external things, but only my directing mind as Marcus Aurelius has said. 

Watching Leo's videos and also going through the different experiences I have mentioned above, have lead me to feel finally on the correct path. Perhaps the things I mentioned about White Nationalism and "race realism" have turned many of you off, but that is fine, because it was a part of my path. I was never a "racist" in the sense that I hated other races, but I did become race-obsessed about preserving white people, not mixing, and all these biological facts and statistics. I did do some good political activism against "anti-white" racism, because now you can all see that it clearly exists, and it is wrong as much as racism against POC.  Race realism, however, also showed me all the beautiful diversity among the human species and made me appreciate it more. As Leo mentioned, people tend to look at our racial differences rather than similarities. Race realism is helpful with medicine and all sorts of things, but does ZERO to help you make judgments on an individual basis. I know all the arguments of the race realists and those against them as well; ultimately, I don't care about it anymore and I do not find anything wrong with certain groups of any kind trying to preserve themselves, but I find when someone takes their TRIBALISM and turns a blind eye to evils within their own group, it is hypocrisy and harmful to all groups. The key word here is TRIBALISM.

So when I say I am blank now, it also means that I am tribeless. I have put aside all ISMs. Sure, I do believe in DEISM, which now I tend to lean more towards Pantheism or something similar, but I do not attach myself to that in the sense I am not invested whether or not they are true. Sure I subscribe to Nationalism, but in the sense that the world should be organized like the human body; each nation contributing and working together like our organs do for the whole, instead of bombing each other over nonsense or forcing each other to blend racially, culturally, religiously to prevent "racism" "xenophobia" etc, when even forcefully blending against people's will to achieve some kind of moral victory, IS actually a form of bigotry, racism, and xenophobia against those who wish otherwise. The same applies in reverse. It all comes down to being against VIOLATING PEOPLE'S WILL.  I realized that all of this matters and it doesn't at the same time. Of course many of you here on this board are way above these things, again, I know it's not a political forum but want you to understand my thoughts on this all.

In regards to spirituality, science, and God, I've come to realize that words like "physical" or "metaphysical" mean nothing. Materialism or non-materlism don't matter; basically the sameness and differences apply to all things as Leo stated its the fundamental construction of reality. I see the Existence as an eternally evolving organismic which will take all forms whether we like it or not; whether 'good' or 'evil', as it must be everything it can potentially be.

So I summarize my current beliefs as such:

There is the Existence, as Sadhguru would say. This is the totality of all things, the Absolute Infinity, as Leo preaches. Now to further expand on this from my view: Anything that happens within the existence is always "natural," there is no "supernatural". God is not supernatural. There is no 'paranormal"... it is normal, as it is naturally occurring in the existence (if it is true).

There is no 'unnatural' stuff in this reality; even plastic, which is not "naturally" occurring, has been created by beings (us) which came about 'naturally'. Plastic is made of 'natural' elements. Of course, there are consequences mixing plastics with certain things, but even mixing naturally occurring things have consequences such as explosive elements.

The Existence is intelligence because it produces intelligence, something stupid could not produce something intelligent. I believe evolution is not a dumb, blind process, nor it is intelligently designed, but IS intelligent itself. 

I believe the Existence (God) is everything, including the evil pedophiles and warmongers; because God is simply the facilitator of all Existence. In order for god to know all, see all, and be everywhere, he must BE all things.

Science is a measuring device, nothing more. I reject Scientism.

Time doesn't exist; it too is a measure of motion, created by us. God cannot see the future, because it doesn't exist, there is only now. The past also doesn't exist, it is a memory of nows that happened 'before'. It only exists in our minds in the 'before' box, just like the future does in the "possible future" box. God cannot know what doesn't exist, nor does this make him less omniscient. God cannot create a rock that he cannot lift because it is impossible; omnipotence is everything that is possible, not impossible.

We are God in the sense that God manifests itself as us, however, you and I are not the absolute infinity, but we are part of it; like your heart is not your entire body, but it is part of your body. Without your heart you could not be, without us, God could not be, and vice versa. Since there are smaller parts of infinity, this is no contradiction because we are made of infinity, but again, we are not the Absolute Infinity because in order for God to change or evolve or even experience itself, it must become finite infinities, if that makes sense. The totality of God cannot just be found in you, but it is in the same image, so to speak.

All the other things I mentioned above politically and all, are just labels of distinctions of actions and events that are all happening in God's "set body" . Since God evolves in all forms, all forms and events that have happened are it. The wars in this world are no different than the wars in this bacteria in your gut has; or like your T-cells killing disease.

You can probably see by now I agree much with how Alan Watts believed, but I don't think we should just not act at all. Imagine if your T-cells decided not to do their job or do their part, you would die. Each of us has a role and a part to play in this infinite dream.

Why am I sharing this? Well, perhaps others here have had similar experiences and again, my ego can care less about judgement from others, so I am willing to open myself up and share in hopes people can see the sameness in my growth as in theirs.

I think this forum and Leo's work is crucial. I do not like how some of this forum has turned into Leo worship, and I know he doesn't like it either, but I do want to thank Leo for his hard work, research and wonderful content. I want him to know he has influenced my growth and guided me in what I believe is the right path. If only Leo was more open to expanding his enterprise globally; in person, via speaking tours and seminars,  I'm sure many of us would love to help, would greatly help human progress.

Why I think it is important for that to happen is because of the things I mentioned above about politics: People are dying in fake wars, children and being massacred and slaughtered for profit and supremacist beliefs. I do not think it is 'right' of us to know all this and keep it to ourselves. I saw a post the other day where someone wanted to go live in a monastery to escape this shitty world, but what good is that? Shouldn't we stay here on the front so to speak and "fight" the ignorance. Now you can argue that we need ignorance in the whole to know what enlightenment is, so we could never eliminate it, which is true, but to not act in our nature and do our part, is like saying "Well there is no point to stop some rapes that I could stop because I could never stop all rapes." I don't believe the "way" is for us to accept this world and reality and be like, " Hey, bro, so what if kids are bombed, its just a dream man." because we could technically say that. "We have no free will Angelo, it seems God wants to bomb himself." Nonsense. We do have agency. And even if we didn't, we have our finite nature do we not? Even if we were robots as materialists claim, our programming would make us act against certain other programming. Either way, we all have our personalities and our drives. I for one wish to see justice served and a more orderly world, where we can at least reduce "evil" that mankind faces to natural disasters, rather than needless conflict. Again, probably delusional to think it could totally be reduced, but I think its a cop out and rejection of responsibility to know truths such as these and do nothing.

To conclude this long ass post, I just want to thank Leo and even everyone here in this community; I guess its my ego but I feel its necessary we reach out to more people. I have done my part by spreading Actualized videos on my Twitter which has a large following. I know I can do more, and I think we all should. I think with this knowledge comes great responsibility, and to not accept that is irresponsible. Again, maybe it's the 'warrior' in me and not everyone is made the same way, but I feel, we should spread this truth like Socrates did, even if it ends in our death, which none of us here should fear.

Edited August 12, 2018 by Angelo John Gage
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