a beginner's mind - empty

[phoenix666]

I'm at odds with myself. that's what creates resistance. if I could just accept myself fully each moment...love myself unconditionally from moment to moment...that would be enlightenment, union, all one, infinite love <3

[phoenix666]

what would I do if I had little time left to live? if I had 1 year left?

I always thought I'd indulge in drugs, immediate pleasure, decadence..

recently I seriously considered. reconsidered. maybe I'd just meditate. throw myself knee-deep in spirituality. yoga, meditation, mindfulness, studying 24/7

hmm. what does that say about me? about how I should live from day to day? 

[phoenix666]

I slipped away, again

what the fuck am I doing? here I am again, fighting problems I thought long solved. 

but it's okay. maybe that's exactly why... here I am doing all of that BS... but even worse, here I am judging myself for it. that's the real problem, actually. maybe that's why I keep making the same mistakes again and again. until I stop judging. until I can fully accept, love unconditionally. let's try that

[Zigzag Idiot]

@phoenix666  Falling down then getting back up while self criticizing describes a definite aspect of my personal history that has run continual. Leaving out the self criticism and just observing my continual failures feels like a step up. Even though I feel remorse of Conscience at times, I'm not as divided against myself compared to the past and sometimes I'm actually able to resist temptation in speaking when I shouldn't or doing something that's not good for me. Slowly growth happens.

[phoenix666]

On 26. Mai 2019 at 6:23 PM, Zigzag Idiot said:

@phoenix666  Falling down then getting back up while self criticizing describes a definite aspect of my personal history that has run continual. Leaving out the self criticism and just observing my continual failures feels like a step up. Even though I feel remorse of Conscience at times, I'm not as divided against myself compared to the past and sometimes I'm actually able to resist temptation in speaking when I shouldn't or doing something that's not good for me. Slowly growth happens.

sounds like progress, dear zigzag  thanks for sharing your experience with me, means much to me. you're right, no judging, just observing and becoming aware of things, thoughts and patterns should be the real deal. quite difficult to do...but I guess we'll keep failing and falling until we can love ourselves for it <3

[phoenix666]

to become a vessel of unconditional love, I must empty myself

to let the divine light shine through me, I have to surrender and dissolve myself

[phoenix666]

where does my desire to heal come from? 

I know that I started my studies from a very narrow, egoic perspective? 

I think I've purified myself from that. I'm no longer driven by the need to know. 

I'm driven by the genuine desire to help and heal people. I know that in order to heal others, I need to heal myself. I'm focusing on that. 

my desire is coming from a heartfelt place of love and genuine benevolence for every being. it feels true and loving to me

[phoenix666]

what is my intention?

it's my compass when lost in the sea. but whatever it is, god (reality) will give me exactly what I need. not less, not more. it's all just here to crack me open; my heart, my consciousness

I only know one thing: my highest value has become love. 

love is now more important than insight to me. that's a step in the right direction.

god, teach me self love, so that I can love everything and everyone 

[phoenix666]

I think the best way to heal and transmit divine love, is to become a vessel were divinity can flow through 

[phoenix666]

Santata Gamanas books resonate deeply with me. I'll stick to his Kriya methods. His version seems simpler, more natural and sweeter. he's right about complex techniques becoming too much of a struggle and the danger of doing them mechanically. the techniques are not the goal, they're a tool. melting into God, into pure awareness is the goal. 

I feel like Kriya has helped me a lot, I'll continue practicing. I'll try to do so daily, but I won't judge myself and feel guilty when I miss a day or two.

keep it simple, keep it natural, keep it sweet and light.

in the end, I let reality unfold. whatever it will bring, I'll work with that and I trust in the process. 

[phoenix666]

whatever arises in Kriya Yoga after poise, be the observing witness. no judging, no getting lost in it. just mindful observing.

I've found that works best for me. Santata Gamana's book are gold :3

I've found new possibilities and passion for work again, I can deepen that. I won't find fulfillment in work, I know. I can only find fulfillment in my Self.. but nonetheless I want to do something were I can really get the feeling that I can help people out. I'd like to get some gratification from my job. I think I'm on the right path. 

I know I can't follow anyone. I have my own path, like everyone else has. time to step out of everything I know from others. time to find my Self and my path <3

[phoenix666]

I feel like I'm getting lost in day-to-day life again. but it's ok, I don't freak out about it like the last few times. maybe I need a little backlash once in a while. Whilst yoga, meditation and trips are getting better, I struggle to remain aware throughout the day. and that's the most important thing  but it really is ok, everything is perfect as it is. I am aware of that limitation and just that should help me 

[phoenix666]

a vision: I am an alien, encountering earth and humans for the first time

what the hell are these creatures doing? no judgement here, this concept is foreign to me. just observing, sheer curiosity. I accept all parts of reality. for me, there is no good and no bad, only Good. everything just IS.

these humans seem deeply engulfed in self constructed prisons. actual prisons: money, work, survival, rat-race, confrontations, wars, debates. they all stem from mental prisons, which in time materialized and have now become actual barriers and threats to them

strange way to live life they have. caught in small little constellations of something they call "family", where they effectively pass on all their barriers and beliefs to their offspring. all divided in small little bubbles. sometimes they gather in bigger bubbles. those bubbles fight and debate. 

but what do they actually know? in the most developed societies beliefs are based on something they call "science". in less developed ones, they foliow "truths" provided from something like "religion"

they mistake the relative for the absolute

they actually think money and value/worth is a thing

their perception is limited and caught in survival and reproduction. sometimes this is clothed in wealth and something they call "career"

their ability to love is limited to humans inside their little bubbles. the smaller the bubble, the more they love or are attached. the bigger the bubble, the more shallow becomes the love. it eventually turns into hate for distant and contradictory bubbles

they fight over opinions and possession. what is actually possession? strange things they invent.

interesting those humans. I see big potential, but little actualization of that. millions of seeds, almost no full grown trees. 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

@phoenix666 This is genius.

As chief old Lodge skins said, "It makes my heart soar like a hawk"

[phoenix666]

@Zigzag Idiot I can feel it in my heart too

what would you think and feel about humans as an alien? a spiritually advanced alien who encounters planet earth and its inhabitants for the first time?

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

@phoenix666  As a kid I was really identified with the character Mr. Spock in the original Star Trek. But I guess he may be considered a Vulcan Being instead of Human Being...? ?

Your vision and description is great and stands well on its own. Really appreciated it as I read it.

Your question reminds me of a quote from the book - Higher Being Bodies.

"If you could float above the earth and become aware of all the negativity that is  going on, you would never laugh again. The  world is ruled by negative emotions." Page 115

http://www.higherbeingbodies.com/

 

 

[phoenix666]

@Zigzag Idiot and what consists a such vulcan being?  what do you think about humans, as a vulcan being?

thanks, zigzag, my pleasure. I may contemplate some more about this vision and complete my thoughts and feelings about it in later posts in my journal. I got the idea from the book "The Magnum Opus" by John Kreiter. it was quite intriguing, that's why included it in my journal here.

it is true, once you get some glimpses of Truth, you may stop laughing for a while.. I've experienced that. the world is so full of cruelty and hatred...when it could actually be all love and divinity. as I encountered God the first couple of times, it made me so sad that almost no one I know will ever experience divine Love in this lifetime.. probably when they die. such a pity.. encountering God during lifetime is much better..

but slowly I start to see love and beauty in everything. that's the highest art. I actually laugh and love more than ever before  that's the best way to encounter negativity, I think..

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

 

8 hours ago, phoenix666 said:

@Zigzag Idiot and what consists a such vulcan being?  what do you think about humans, as a vulcan being?

Thinking back Spock didn't experience emotions. Or didn't appear to. In that respect his behavior was close to that of someone who has purified thier emotional center of expressing negative expressions.

I'm a Virgo. In being an off and on student of Astrology, I was aware of the planet Vulcan often assigned as the ruling planet for the sign of Virgo which currently is associated with Mercury for the time being. Just googled it. Hope this is not TMI.

VIRGO: RULED BY MERCURY OR VULCAN? ANSWER FOR ‘HEARTLESSQUEENCITY’

Ok, so i really am so sorry it has taken me a while on this answer! Like i said, i’ve never heard of this concept- but it was really interesting reading up on it!

I don’t want to bore everyone with details on the debate, just give some background  The first thing i discovered is that Vulcan is actually the predicted planet to rule Virgo- instead of Mercury- but hasn’t yet been discovered! It is said to be situated between Mercury and the Sun.

“It has been said in old astrology books that there is another planet in our solar system called Vulcan that will be recognized as Virgo’s rightful ruler when it is discovered. Vulcan was the royal son of Hera and Zeus. Zeus threw him out of heaven because of his lameness. Vulcanalia, the chief festival of the lame god, was held in Rome on August 23, at the time the Sun moves into Virgo. 

The god Vulcan was a blacksmith and the patron of all artisans. Virgo is the ruler of all workers. As new planets in other solar systems are being discovered today, perhaps there is a little planet in our solar system beyond Mercury and hidden in the brightness of the Sun. Until Vulcan is discovered, Virgo must share the planet Mercury’s rulership with Gemini, which seems to work well enough for both.”
   -Dian Eidenbaum, Souls Signs, Fireside, 1998

Linda Goodman explains how previously other signs had different ruling planets before their true planets were discovered:

“Vulcan is the true ruler of Virgo, and is “the lame goddess of thunder,” since Vulcan is definitely a female planet. Let me explain what I mean by “the true ruler.”

An example: At one time, both Pisces and Sagittarius were ruled by Jupiter – until Neptune was discovered as the original and therefore natural (or true) ruler of Pisces. At one time, both Aquarius and Capricorn were ruled by Saturn – until Uranus was discovered as the original and therefore natural ruler of Aquarius. (Abraham Lincoln was a Saturn-ruled Aquariun, Franklin Roosevelt a Uranus-ruled Aquarian). Uranus was rediscovered by a farm boy named Herschel, and was called by his name at first. But metaphysicians knew that the planet’s true name was Uranus.

To continue, Aries and Scorpio were both ruled by Mars and Scorpio, until Scorpio’s true and natual ruler, Pluto, was discovered. And so on.
Each time this repeated circle of discovery occurs, it manifests in the same pattern - or order of discovery - and the last two original planetary rulers to be re-discovered are always (in each cycle) Vulcan, the true ruler of Virgo – then Horus (Pan-Horus), the true ruler of Taurus. Virgo presently shares with Gemini the rulership of Mercury, although Mercury is the true ruler of Gemini, and is only “on loan”, so to speak, to Virgo. Just as Taurus presently shares with Libra the rulership of Venus, although Venus is the true ruler of Libra, and is only “on loan”, so to speak, to Taurus.”

As for my personal thoughts… whew! i really don’t know how much i believe in the mythology aspects. Learning new things will always be fun, but some of the stuff is still way too out there for me..

My main feeling is still that astrology should be seen as a guide through life. I believe the signs we are born under give us insight into, but don’t rule, our lives. Astrology doesn’t take away all responsibility to think for ourselves- a trap too many fall into when reading daily horoscopes. It also shouldn’t take away from the joy of discovery in life, in delving into our characters, into what drives us, and how we want to give of ourselves to the world. (All of these are the main reasons i love it.) Astrology is just one facet through which to view life. I love our sign, i just leave all the crazy esoteric, in-the-clouds thinking up to the professionals

peace and light, ~C

(Source: LOVESTARZ.COM)

[phoenix666]

@Zigzag Idiot

thanks for sharing! quite interesting.. I don't know much about all of this, thanks for giving me new perspectives

you're completely right, I love viewing life through many different facets too. makes the whole picture complete.. that's what I really like about Leo and his channel. resonates deeply with my way of living and seeing life. 

so wonderful to meet people like you on this forum <3

[phoenix666]

whenever I expand my consciousness whilst tripping, I get very childlike. I observe in awe, I play. I realized that's the natural state. that's the attitude I want to integrate into my daily experience. playing with life, playing with existence. being, acting, speaking from that state pure state of love and awe. experimenting, discovering, learning. going at things with a blank sheet and experiencing life with all senses and my mind wide open <3