How do you achieve real growth

[haai14]

In his fake vs real growth video he said that if you want to be confident you achieve that not by trying to be this confident guy but by not caring about being confident. But in his video how to be confident he said that to be confident you need to imagine how would confident guy act and act like that so which is it. How are those deep issues resolved. For example i'm needy for a girlfriend, how do i let go of that need? 

[Forestluv]

11 minutes ago, haai14 said:

For example i'm needy for a girlfriend, how do i let go of that need? 

Realize you are whole and conplete in this, and every, moment just the way it is - however it is. 

[Widdle Puppy]

It's really hard sometimes and I'm coming from a place where I'm not in the greatest place emotionally but sometimes I fear it isn't possible. But I'm here, still meditating, still going to the gym, doing this work even just a bit, so I must not be too far gone.

[haai14]

@see_on_see I understand all that, but how is issue being adressed at the root. 

For example i need a girl in this moment. I dont fix that by going out i need to fix my need for that, okay. So what do i do? Do i just ask myself questions, do i just need to be aware of the need... what is the process to finally not needing it? what is that real work. Will meditation yoga... fix that or is there something else i can do.

@Widdle Puppy Its possible 100%, look at all the people that changed their lives. just keep going

@Serotoninluv And how do i do that :P, if i have this need in the moment i cant just realize that i need to get rid of that need.

[Consept]

17 minutes ago, haai14 said:

@see_on_see

For example i need a girl in this moment. I dont fix that by going out i need to fix my need for that, okay. So what do i do? Do i just ask myself questions, do i just need to be aware of the need... what is the process to finally not needing it? what is that real work. Will meditation yoga... fix that or is there something else i can do.

@Widdle Puppy Its possible 100%, look at all the people that changed their lives. just keep going

@Serotoninluv And how do i do that :P, if i have this need in the moment i cant just realize that i need to get rid of that need.

Ok so what I'd suggest is to sit with that feeling of 'need' and don't react to it just experience. So what will happen is your mind will start saying, 'this isn't helping', 'you need a girl' etc.

But look deeper than this, don't react to it, look at the reasons why you want a girl, is it sexual gratification, is it validation, your mind has placed these as important because you convinced yourself that this will give you peace of mind. Essentially we are all looking for peace of mind but we convince ourselves that we need xyz before we let ourselves have it. 

Understand that you have set this up, you've disturbed your mind until it gives you what you think you want. On a practical level of you think that it's the most important thing to get a girl, the girl will be able to sense that and it won't work. So if you can get to the bottom of this and realise that you don't need the validation or whatever else, then you can achieve a certain freedom of attachment to outcome, which in itself can be attractive

[haai14]

@Consept so your just saying that i need deep awareness of why i need it and it will go away by itself?

[Consept]

2 minutes ago, see_on_see said:

That won't work. You gotta get laid, or at the very least interact with girls often, every time you get the chance. 

Yeah that is a fair point as well, if you did date a lot of girls, you'd realise it's not gonna sort out all of your problems. The fact is you need to really internalise and even experience that this isn't the most important thing, so maybe you can see that from consciousness work but whether that would fully lead you to 'know' what I'm saying I'm not sure. 

If you think about it the guys that are the best with girls, will more often than not just have a lot of experience with girls which makes them have an abundant mindset but also at the top level realise that this will not make them complete. It could be that you're trying to run before you can walk by trying to transcend something that you have little experience of 

[haai14]

In the end there isn't a simple 1 path way, do it all and over time you will learn.

[Torkys]

Real and fake growth isn't black and white. There are degrees of real growth.

Any way to escape any problem (even if that's unconscious) has at least a figment of fake growth in it. Real growth is just being with it all - but not for the purpose of escaping your problems because that's escaping the fear of being with problems. Real growth allows you to choose something and the opposite of it without any Resistance.

[haai14]

@Torkys   im just asking how do i achieve peace of not needing something when in the moment i need it. Real growth would be to achieve not needing it.  How do i get form place of need to no need. for example what you said about fear of being with the problems is a problem, and fake growth there is trying to fix that problem by fixing all the problems you have and real growth is not needing to fix the problems. But how do i come from that place to no need place?

[Preetom]

@haai14

How do you achieve real growth?

By mapping/observing and changing your identity.

 

Edited August 12, 2018 by Preetom