Why can't I change?

[sagaranupr]

Hi,

I'm a 25 year old man. I have quit my job to prepare for an exam on joining the Civil services. This is an extrem tough nut to crack. I had passionately chosen my path earlier. But even if I know I should work towards it I am not. From last August I ve been "yet to start" preparation. I dono if I will complete my syllabus even once I have no motivation to do it. The only alternative I have is to go back to my old job but I hate it. As of now I am in my parents basement n I dono when il be kicked outa here too. All I do I spend time on the internet n smoke maruana. What should I do to make myself work towards my goal.?? I can't stop smoking drinking n wanking. I took to meditation 7 days at once n nothing much after. What should I do on a daily basis to make myself motivated to do what I should do n for once not Procrastinate! Please help I'm sick of my life wasting in front of me.

[Nospiedums]

Hey, 

Is the problem that you can not force yourself to study for that exam? If that is so, then I could recommed trying to go somewhere else to study. I can't force myself to study asweall, when I am home, where there are so many distractions a hand distance away. For me going to the library help. If you go there without a cell phone or a PC, then internet distraction should be a problem, and the other 2 things shouldn't be an option in a library. I have found that this works for me, hope it helps! 

Edited February 7, 2016 by Skopulis

[Boss]

Its quite easy if you plan it out. What I do to reach my goals is set a deadline lets say 1 month. Okay so I got 30 days to work with  yay. Let say I need to study a 500 page book. Since I got 30 days I can read only 20 pages a day to complete my goal. So now its super easy. My goal is now to read 20 pages a day and I can do that first thing when I wake up so I can do whatever I want the rest of the day since I pretty much already completed my goal. 

Not sure if that was the right analogy but I hope you get the  point on how to make yourself work towards your goals. Good luck 

[sagaranupr]

Ya I did try the library for a few weeks n it worked but a few days later I found it incredibly boring n started to go out to friends in the name of library. I somehow find a way to not do what I should do : (

[Guest]

Wake up early in the morning. Before 7 AM.

[Jecht Spencer]

Power of habit. School of London says it takes 66 days to implement a new habit.

You are using up all your willpower and quitting to early. Habits come easy but it is a growing pain to get to the point where it is automatic.

No one is going to do it but yourself. 

If change was easy everyone would do it.

Are you a Wolf or another Sheep in "wishful thinking?"

[denselayman]

to me it sounds as wish to run marathon with broken and unattended leg.

by that i mean that unresolved personal trauma or something other that keeps you from doing what you want in the right way.

face yourself, your shadow self, your darkness, deep self, or whatever people call it, just the repressed part of you, face it and resolve your hidden/exiled traume/issues and then ater accepting them, slowly move on and as you do motivation and will to do more will come naturally.

[Dangirdas]

You simply don't want your goals enough then, you have not envisioned them enough, to make them REALLY motivate you towards them. Laziness is a choice when you have lack of real motivation. Envision your dreams, think of them on a daily basis, make them part of you. Then you will get the motivation required to change.

[Gurunext]

I don't think you have provided with enough information about you passion to achieve your career. I am not a student... I know nothing of reaching for artificial goals. I would straight up ridicule you for picking Civil services, because from my first impression it's a governmental power extension. There can be nothing passionate about starting something. The real passion comes from not giving up.

I am a programmer and recently I finished a Game Jam. I didn't talk to anyone just did what I knew the best - make my game. It was super stressful to the point I asked my friend to return to his place (as I was far away from home town) and he couldn't  help me because he wasn't  home either. I felt like a failure and wanted to get out, it was a second day and I was really stuck. But then I focused figured out what the problem is, got a huge relief because I pushed myself forward and can't wait to do it again.

The best principle I had in my head was: if I give up now I will be more likely to give up later. Now that's really scary stuff.

 

If you willing to give me more details feel free to contact me via skype: kiskislegenda

 

[sagaranupr]

2 hours ago, Gurunext said:

I don't think you have provided with enough information about you passion to achieve your career. I am not a student... I know nothing of reaching for artificial goals. I would straight up ridicule you for picking Civil services, because from my first impression it's a governmental power extension. There can be nothing passionate about starting something. The real passion comes from not giving up.

I am a programmer and recently I finished a Game Jam. I didn't talk to anyone just did what I knew the best - make my game. It was super stressful to the point I asked my friend to return to his place (as I was far away from home town) and he couldn't  help me because he wasn't  home either. I felt like a failure and wanted to get out, it was a second day and I was really stuck. But then I focused figured out what the problem is, got a huge relief because I pushed myself forward and can't wait to do it again.

The best principle I had in my head was: if I give up now I will be more likely to give up later. Now that's really scary stuff.

 

If you willing to give me more details feel free to contact me via skype: kiskislegenda

 

@guru loved ur post. Today I read for 4 hours n teached what I read for 2 hours n it was a productive day after a long fucking time! Just the fact that i wrote something here made me make concious decisions and guess what...Today.. I quit weed n tobacco n it was the first time ever in years that I quit tobacco consciously!! I will sustain this atleast for a week n only then I will make sure I leave these toxic habits for ever (which I will probably come back to eventually after a week which I hate)

[WhyteSeal]

The struggle grows with the age.

I recommend you get somebody to support you.That can be a friend or a family member.

Also remind yourself of the benefits of the change in case your changing into more positive.

[Soumya]

Hi!

I quit my Ph.D. on Dec 15, to start preparing for civil services. I have just begun and trust me it's ok if you did not complete the syllabus once. The syllabus is huge , you need to do selective studying. Start with baby steps - start with an hour , make it two , go slow, fall down, bounce back, gain momentum, meet your targets. Never should we give up! Give up unhealthy habits, they directly affect your studies , smoking and drinking makes you dormant and inactive. To think wisely, you got to be active and optimistic. Let's work hard and it is very much possible to crack the prelims if you start from today! Take care

[Draconis Chaser]

@sagaranupr

It seems to me that you have a lot going on and are holding a lot of grudge against youself. I would chose one thing that is the absolute first priority (could be your exam, your health, finding a place to live, whatever) and I would baby-step it. And if necessary baby-step those baby-steps.

That enormous pile of things that I had to do always felt like a boulder hanging above my head on a thin thread and so I would panic a lot and do a little bit of everything and eventually not complete anything. See, this whole repetative process has kind of a snowball effect. The more you try to solve it, the worse it gets, and under more pressure you feel, because you are "falling behind".

I found my way out of the loop when I commited to one thing and one thing only (college) and completelly ignored for the most part everyhing else. And since the "college" pile got rather ample, I decided to work a little by little every day. And mind you there were days and days where I wouldn't so much as open my books (in the middle of an exam period even). 

One time (after a rather nasty session of feeling sorry for myself) I took my book and opened it and said: I'm going to read through 5 pages max. No more than that. I will read through them, and imma put the book away. No test problems, no repetition, no studying. Just reading. 5 pages max.

So I sat there and pushed myself through the first sentence. And though, it was exausting I wanted to see how far I could get...  

I ended up going through almost 10 with repetitions and little drawings I made along the way, and explanations, and little tables, and in the end I felt empowered. I was so proud that I did it. Started with hopefuly 5, ended up with thoroughly 10. 

Next day, the same thing happened. And the next. Now I am half-way through the book. But the most important thing is that I want to study now. Not because I had an epiphany, but because it feels so good! I don't want to break the combo. And as the day of the exam grow closer and closer, I am getting more and more enthusiastic.

The moral of my long comment, I guess, is that you CAN change. What you need to do is stop invisioning a "dooming failure" scenario and push through the initial baby-step's baby step. Let me testify, the success also snowballs, and it kepps getting better.  

I hope this rant of mine helps a little bit.

Take care!         

[cc]

Hey I just read your post about being stuck.ive recently joined this forum never been in any others or even communicated with anybody much online.first time ever.I had tony Robbins around when I was your age but didn't take advantage of it.was very busy in construction bussiness any way.i think Leo has fresh take on self development and I'm hoping to get into this more.but anyway Even though I'm twice your age I can relate to that (feeling) of being stuck.its just a feeling and it is only temporary.for one thing your on a SELF  DEVELOPENT forum ! how long can you actually be stuck for.your in the right place man.thank god or who ever but we could be stuck out there alone without any knowledge of being stuck or that there are ways of getting out of this mindset.there is hope.the reason I'm here is to try to do the same thing with like minded people that are on the same path.and that can relate.im not going to get into the reasons I'm here right now but a thought keeps coming to me and I hope you don't think I'm preaching but smoking pot a few times a week for me would most definitely keep me from doing anything I really wanted to do.im finding it hard enough getting past my head let alone being high.ive done my share of drugs and alcohol no holy roller by any means but those things just usually screwed things up for me even more.finding like minded people in self development and taking small steps with someone to keep each other accountable would be the way I would like to start this process.lets start by being greatful that there is hope and the knowledge that it could be soo much worse.at least we are in a prison of are own making and not looking at real steal bars and doing real time.best of luck it will get better.

[DanoDMano]

On ‎2‎/‎8‎/‎2016 at 0:27 PM, sagaranupr said:

@guru loved ur post. Today I read for 4 hours n teached what I read for 2 hours n it was a productive day after a long fucking time! Just the fact that i wrote something here made me make concious decisions and guess what...Today.. I quit weed n tobacco n it was the first time ever in years that I quit tobacco consciously!! I will sustain this atleast for a week n only then I will make sure I leave these toxic habits for ever (which I will probably come back to eventually after a week which I hate)

@sagaranupr Greetings. I read your first post, and then this one. After reading your first one my first thought was that you needed to clear your mind. That first step is to quit smoking the ganga. I smoked everyday for over a decade. When I decided to quit it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I literally couldn't get a restful sleep for two weeks. I also had to avoid any friends that smoked and any places that could provide me with it. It wasn't just quitting the act, it was quitting the lifestyle altogether. Every time I had any money in my pocket I had to fight with myself not to give up and get a bag. This isn't easy by any means, trust me I know. But this just makes it even more rewarding when you win the battle.

Once your mind becomes clear, your actions become more focused and driven. I'm sure if you put just half the effort on your personal growth as you've put into chasing the high, you'll find that things will change for the better. You'll discover what your true passions in life really are.

As far as your career goals are concerned, remember that we will experiment throughout our lives searching for those things that give us fulfillment. Some experiments will fail miserably, but we've learned something from them just the same. We'll never find our true purpose without trying (and failing) so you can't beat yourself up for pursuing something and coming to a realization it's not working. You must keep trying and searching. The trick is to know when you've taken a path that's not right for you, then seeing that fork in the road (opportunity) and completely abandoning the current one and starting anew. 

Here's the thing. The current path is straight and you can see quite clearly where it leads. Your intuition knows the outcome. Your ego says just keep going anyway. When you see a fork in the road it bends and curves and it's unclear to you where it may lead. You feel scared and uneasy because of this so your ego instantly tells you not to go that way, just stay straight. Your intuition however may have a different idea and tell you to take a chance.  Which voice are you going to listen to? Will you take the easy, straight path, because it's familiar and safe, or that unknown mysterious path which in the end may lead to happiness and your own contentment? You'll never know unless you stop listening to your ego and paying more attention to what your intuition is trying to say.        

Edited February 15, 2016 by DanoDMano
spelling mistake

[Avi]

What's working for me is the slow implementation of habits... i.e. reading, meditation, personal development work etc. What I mean is slowly introducing one thing at a time into your life. If you try and do everything at once it will become overwhelming and you will give up. Start with reading, it's the easiest to introduce.