ego trying to come back with depression and suicidal thoughts

[TheSomeBody]

because of some reasons i dont have a job so i dont have routine, and now my ego cant clinge to my  routine and i gain more awarness and clarity but i think that the ego trying to get control by get me depressed and suicidal.
it is not that i have any finicial problem or worries ( maybe about my future profession/ job that i dont know what to choose but i think it irrelevant) i have everything that i need.

it is like a desperate violent act of the ego that trying to control me.

someone has expreince that? what to do?