mental health deteriorating because of being alone?

[Viking]

for the past 3 weeks i had little to no human contact, ive been sitting in my house alone, contemplating stuff, playing with dating apps, playing musical instruments, wasting time on social media and watching movies and youtube videos.

I dont feel like im lonely, because im pretty used to it, though this level of isolation is a first for me.

sometimes i start to feel anxiety or fear, sadness, anger, joy, body high, i became more sensitive to the energy of my body.

Im having trouble sensing social cues when I do interact with people.

sometimes i feel restless and slightly like im going insane.

 

I did want to work on my life purpose and read books in this time, but dunno why I didnt do it, just didnt.

 

in a few days im going to a "hippie" community (an ashram) for 2 weeks, where ill do volunteer work, meditate twice a day and interact a lot with people, so that was kind of my anchoring point, something to look forward to while i waste time.

 

Anyway, why do you think all of those emotions came up?

Edited August 7, 2018 by Viking

[Salvijus]

2 minutes ago, Viking said:

 

in a few days im going to a hippie community for 2 weeks, where ill do volunteer work, meditate twice a day and interact a lot with people, so that was kind of my anchoring point, something to look forward to while i waste time.

Nice

[ajasatya]

14 minutes ago, Viking said:

playing with dating apps, ..., wasting time on social media, ...

ughh

[Rookie]

19 minutes ago, Viking said:

Anyway, why do you think all of those emotions came up?

All part of the spiritual purification process brother. This is all a good sign. 

You may want to start following through on reading those books and working on your Life Purpose though. If you keep breaking integrity with yourself you're going to feel miserable in the long-term. 

[Viking]

6 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

ughh

lmao I feel the same way

Just now, Rookie said:

You may want to start following through on reading those books and working on your Life Purpose though. If you keep breaking integrity with yourself you're going to feel miserable in the long-term. 

Lol I know this on some level, but...

[Viking]

@Rookie@ajasatya oh I think I get now why I do this.

I think it's because I dont give a shit about life anymore. Or at least that's what happens subconsciously. I ask myself "would I care if i'd die right now" and I think a sincere answer is "no", I have no resistance to dying or any will to continue to live. that is not to say I want to commit suicide, I dont want that at all, I just dont care, apathy is I guess the technical term for it, I dont know though.

I dont care about anything so I just go through the path of least resistance, there's no desire to try and do something that would "be beneficial" or would even make me happier.

I know these 3 weeks could be extremely fun and I could feel extremely good doing life purpose work but I just dont care.

I guess it will pass.

Edited August 7, 2018 by Viking

[ajasatya]

10 minutes ago, Viking said:

I think it's because I dont give a shit about life anymore. Or at least that's what happens subconsciously. I ask myself "would I care if i'd die right now" and I think a sincere answer is "no", I have no resistance to dying or any will to continue to live. that is not to say I want to commit suicide, I dont want that at all, I just dont care, apathy is I guess the technical term for it, I dont know though.

you haven't understood it yet. we are EXISTENCE ITSELF. there's no death!

did you think accepting death was hard? CAN YOU EMBRACE ETERNITY?

[dorg]

I find when I have long spells of being alone to not take mental positions - then I am fine.

[Viking]

Just now, dorg said:

I find when I have long spells of being alone to not take mental positions - then I am fine.

what do you mean by mental positions?

5 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

you haven't understood it yet. we are EXISTENCE ITSELF. there's no death!

did you think accepting death was hard? CAN YOU EMBRACE ETERNITY?

I'm starting to "get it" more and more these past days. That I am existence, and not some character in existence, but in my daily consciousness i still identify with the character. 

I think the concept "eternity" implies time, which is imaginary. people who dont embrace eternity are conceptualizing a lot of time, which is an illusion, the only truth is now, which is true eternity, so yeah, i can embrace eternity, dont care much about it, thinking about it creates problems which dont have to exist.

[dorg]

1 minute ago, Viking said:

what do you mean by mental positions?

Thinking I am someone in some situation.

[Athena]

 

3 hours ago, ajasatya said:

you haven't understood it yet. we are EXISTENCE ITSELF. there's no death!

did you think accepting death was hard? CAN YOU EMBRACE ETERNITY?

Wow, I have overcome my fear of alot of things including death. This is the first time I've actually thought about eternity in this context and i got anxious. 

So just like a movie getting played over and over with each character playing different roles, born into different families, experiencing life etc FOREVER!!!! 

So I may take Leo's course again!! Lmao. Whoever set this up has some sense of humor.  Goodness.

[Viking]

5 hours ago, see_on_see said:

Is it maybe because you have basic needs you are unable to fulfill? Is it because you feel socially isolated and you can't see a way out? Is it something else? Contemplate it and write it down. 

no, its more because the fact that life is meaningless sinking in deeper and deeper. I know that the fact that its meaningless is also meaningless, but that doesnt change my attitude

[Viking]

57 minutes ago, see_on_see said:

Life is meaningless but it's also infinite, therefore there's infinite interesting things to do. You just haven't looked deep enough

that's not the point, of course there are interesting things to do, i just dont care about doing them/dont want to

[ajasatya]

@Viking you're free to choose a miserable life or a meaningful life. for some reason you tend to pick the miserable one... i don't know why. but sincerely i think this is a dumb choice.

there's nothing wrong with building your own meaning. that's how free you are.

[lhamilt18]

If I were you I would just accept whatever is true in my direct experience. Feeling like life is meaningless? That's okay. Don't feel like doing anything? That's okay too. 

Whatever you resist, persists. So as long as there's no resistance to these feelings they will eventually disappear. 

Remember that awareness is like the magic sauce. There's no need to ask questions about why you're feeling how you're feeling. The answers won't help. All that's needed is that you observe what's going on within to the fullest of your ability. Eventually the negative will melt away and the positive will be enhanced. Trust in awareness and observe, observe, observe without judgment or resistance. Wish you the best

[Viking]

4 hours ago, ajasatya said:

for some reason you tend to pick the miserable one... i don't know why

I think I do that because to pick the joyful one takes effort, it's painful to pick that one because then i have to do very painful things, like to figure out my life purpose. I havent embraced pain enough and it's way easier to take the miserable path. I should embrace the pain and just do it.

@omTom your username could be cooler if it was moTom (palindrome lmao). anyway, I tried NoFap in the past. The reason I dont do it is because I shouldnt force myself to stop masturbating, it should stop by itself when I advance spiritually. I do it because I lack excitement in my life and that's making me excited. and I think I lack excitement not because i fap, that would be ridiculous.

11 hours ago, lhamilt18 said:

If I were you I would just accept whatever is true in my direct experience. Feeling like life is meaningless? That's okay. Don't feel like doing anything? That's okay too. 

Whatever you resist, persists. So as long as there's no resistance to these feelings they will eventually disappear. 

Remember that awareness is like the magic sauce. There's no need to ask questions about why you're feeling how you're feeling. The answers won't help. All that's needed is that you observe what's going on within to the fullest of your ability. Eventually the negative will melt away and the positive will be enhanced. Trust in awareness and observe, observe, observe without judgment or resistance. Wish you the best

thank you, man. That Rumi poem keeps creeping and creeping on me, repeating itself in different ways for me. I dont believe in synchronicities and stuff, but that is cool. I guess i just have to embrace the pain. not even embrace it, but to enjoy it as a part of life.

Quote

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-Rumi

 

[Joseph Maynor]

'Oh Yes' by Charles Bukowski

there are worse things than
being alone
but it often takes decades
to realize this
and most often
when you do
it's too late
and there's nothing worse
than
too late.

[Rookie]

 

21 hours ago, Viking said:

I think I do that because to pick the joyful one takes effort, it's painful to pick that one because then i have to do very painful things, like to figure out my life purpose. I havent embraced pain enough and it's way easier to take the miserable path. I should embrace the pain and just do it. 

That's not how it works. 

The joyful option actually takes less effort, but you'll only realise that when you take the joyful option, because then your mind be able to contrast between them. Look at what choosing misery is doing to you. You're becoming lazy, negligent, drowning in meaninglessness, and you're not taking action on the advice that you KNOW is going to help you. How is that more easier or less painful than putting in work? 

No pressure on you mate, but if you don't take our advice to heart now and take action, then you will suffer intensely until you learn the hard way. 

[Viking]

7 hours ago, Rookie said:

 

That's not how it works. 

The joyful option actually takes less effort, but you'll only realise that when you take the joyful option, because then your mind be able to contrast between them. Look at what choosing misery is doing to you. You're becoming lazy, negligent, drowning in meaninglessness, and you're not taking action on the advice that you KNOW is going to help you. How is that more easier or less painful than putting in work? 

No pressure on you mate, but if you don't take our advice to heart now and take action, then you will suffer intensely until you learn the hard way. 

I've chosen the "right" path a ton of times, and it's always harder and more painful. Maybe it's a different kind of pain, but still is pain. it's just the right thing to do to avoid disaster in the future, that's where you're right, in my experience

[Solace]

You’re never alone. An entire universe of love is surrounding you, and you are that love. You are overflowing with support in every second from all levels of reality.