Offending people with words

[Athena]

Life is funny it feels like I am just learning how to socialize at this age. I am realizing my words hurt people or considered inappropriate. I dont know how to stop this and it makes me stay in my head when talking. 

For example, I asked a neighbor if she reads and she got flustered and another neighbor told her she didnt have to answer. In my head I was just asking a question to see what kind of books she read and make conversation. The reaction felt like I was attacking her as if I was better than her by asking that question.

So little things like that, my intentions are pure but my words  come out harsh from what I hear. It has been mentioned that I'm forceful too. I think my facial expressions dont help either. 

Any pointers please? 

[MarkusSweden]

8 minutes ago, Athena said:

Life is funny it feels like I am just learning how to socialize at this age. I am realizing my words hurt people or considered inappropriate. I dont know how to stop this and it makes me stay in my head when talking. 

For example, I asked a neighbor if she reads and she got flustered and another neighbor told her she didnt have to answer. In my head I was just asking a question to see what kind of books she read and make conversation. The reaction felt like I was attacking her as if I was better than her by asking that question.

So little things like that, my intentions are pure but my words  come out harsh from what I hear. It has been mentioned that I'm forceful too. I think my facial expressions dont help either. 

Any pointers please? 

How dare you ask a neighbour what she reads? How rude!  

People are too sensitive these days. 

People here call me nazi and psychopath, if that's what they think of me, that's fine, why are people so upset all the time. 

I don't trust others opinions on myself, I don't even trust my own opinions on myself.  

If one can't ask a person what he/she reads, then we surely live in crazy times.. 

Edited August 7, 2018 by MarkusSweden

[Athena]

@MarkusSwedenWell you actually helped in this scenario because I think I should have asked "what do you read? " instead of "do you read?" 

One comes off condescending.

Edited August 7, 2018 by Athena

[Rilles]

I was in Nashville, Tennessee last year. After the show I went to a Waffle House. I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me: 'Hey, whatcha readin' for?' Isn't that the weirdest fuckin' question you've ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading FOR? Well, goddamnit, ya stumped me! Why do I read? Well . . . hmmm...I dunno...I guess I read for a lot of reasons and the main one is so I don't end up being a fuckin' waffle waitress.

Bill Hicks

[pluto]

I have many years experience of battle of truth vs kindness. Sometimes i feel the truth is more important, other times i feel kindness.

Go with the flow, speak your heart. Meditation helps Observation skills and raising overall awareness.

[Dayo]

I don't think you can escape offending people in social interactions. The best thing to do is just accept yourself fully and develop your social skills.

[Viking]

I guess the key is experience, if you stay in your head you wont know what offends and what doesnt

and i sense a fear of being judged, can it be the case?

[Forestluv]

A lot of communication is beyond the words. Tone of voice, subtle facial expressions and body language factor in more than the words.

One could ask a question with genuine curiosity and a desire to connect with someone. One could ask the exact same question with condensation and a desire to be superior than another. 

I’ve found if I speak from my heart things tend to flow ok - even if I speak a bit awkwardly at times

[Spiral]

It’s all about context if you have a  factual disagreement and the next time you meet ask if she reads she can understandably be upset. 

[Athena]

Thank you all. I know it's all me because I get this reaction from alot of people. 

Slowly but surely I will fix this.