Monogamy vs Polygamy

[Leo Kaminski]

Hey guys, I just recently watched a video  from RSD where Max and Maze talked about their open relationships etc.

#What I am referring to with growing deeper in love, intimacy and depth is the whole David Deida thing. As well as enlightened sex etc.

Feels to me that this is the ultimate goal for sexual relationships.

I am not something like a shallow RSD follower who is interested to get more lays or so. But what I was seriously curios about was the question about monogamy and polygamy.

Max opened that he is in an open relationship at the moment and that he would kill for his girlfriend, but that because of his Job and the traveling he also fucks other girls. He loves to conquer and all of this stuff. Fair enough. But what made me serious was the fact that he opened that you can be truly and love and love your girlfriend unconditionally and also fuck other girls. So first of all I understand that everybody has his or her own definition of love. So this could be totally true what he says. But I am interested in the more suddle notions of love and of such a relationship. Because those RSD Guys often say yeah there is 0 drama and that the girls are fine with this style of relationships and so on. And totally there are girls out there who like this, but I am pretty sure there are also a lot of girls out there that get hurt emotionally a lot by bing in such a position of sitting at home and knowing the boyfriend fucks around. 

So the question that I have is, "Do you guys believe that it is possible for a guy as well as a girl to open up more and more and grow deeper in intimacy as well as communion while knowing the partner is fucking around."

I mean even if both partners are fucking around. I don't see the point. I feel like it is hard to for a couple to grow stronger in love and depth by fucking other partners. To open up requires a lot of comfort an security etc. (for most people) and to know that you have other partners around, just undermines this whole notion of creating a deep and loving relationship. I am sure there are a lot of my own insecurities and limiting believes speaking out of me. But I am curious what you guys think?

[Martin123]

@Leo Kaminski I think your intuition is pretty on point. Polygamy is in other words nothing more than a fear of commitment,  if you commit to one person they have more potential of hurting you and breaking your heart apart. How convenient that you sleep with other girls covering up a deep sense of insecurity by shallow stimulation and validation.

 

At the same time gotta give it to him, sounds like lots of fun.

[Paulus Amadeus]

I'm in a open relationship and it works.

It's not zero drama in my case but it's very much possible and actually really cool and interesting.

And there is just as much comfort and security in an open relationship as in a normal one if you think about it. Both might end because one of you finds someone they like more. You just know yourself and the other enough so that you think it's not likely to happen.

And ideally even if it would happen you would still love eachother after the break-up. Than for me it's a relationship that's really worthwile.

Otherwise what you call 'Love' is a 100% conditional on the fact that the other person behaves in the way that you want.

Have you ever really loved someone if the moment they break up with you, you hate them? That has obviously nothing to do with love.

And yeah, I love this girl more than I've loved my girlfriends with whom I was monogamous (granted neither of us has slept with anyone else for almost two months). 

So very much possible to love deeply and be in an open relationship. 

Just takes a lot of communication and two people who are ready for it.

 

[SgtPepper]

I think polygamy can work for some, but I am not interested in it cause I don't want other men to fuck my girlfriend. 

29 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

@Leo Kaminski I think your intuition is pretty on point. Polygamy is in other words nothing more than a fear of commitment,  if you commit to one person they have more potential of hurting you and breaking your heart apart. How convenient that you sleep with other girls covering up a deep sense of insecurity by shallow stimulation and validation.

Monogamy, Commitment and Marriage is actually a beautiful thing. People talk bad about marriage because their ability to interact with their loved ones suck and a lot of other reasons. Just like we can infinitely connect with ourselves deeply we can do the same with someone else sexually, emotionally, and spiritually.

4 hours ago, Leo Kaminski said:

He loves to conquer and all of this stuff. 

Yeah and other men are conquering his girl lol. How he sleeps at night knowing that other men's dick are in his girl's mouth is beyond me. Miss me with that shit.

Some people get turned on by that stuff. That's great and I respect their freedom to engage in that lifestyle. 

 

Edited August 6, 2018 by SgtPepper

[Martin123]

18 minutes ago, SgtPepper said:

Yeah and other men are conquering his girl lol. How he sleeps at night knowing that other men's dick are in his girl's mouth is beyond me. Miss me with that shit.

Some people get turned on by that stuff. That's great and I respect their freedom to engage in that lifestyle.

Funny you mention that. Right now I am actually resolving a very very deep jealous bone thats been wired into my nervous system by my mother. My mom never really made me feel like I mattered to her, she sure tried to pretend a lot, so she wouldnt look bad, but what she said was love for me, was actually very consistant manipulation only regarding her own image of herself. 
The jealousy would sometimes run so deep, that when I was in my first year of uni, and one of my erasmus dorm neighbours who by the way I had never even met, brought a guy to her dorm at night and started having really loud sex, it made me somehow feel as if I was being betrayed by that.

At the time it really confused me because I wasnt yet aware of the full impact of what my mother had put me through. I am grateful that I get to move beyond this now, it has been an incredibly painful experience. And of course bless my moms heart, she to this day has no idea what she is doing, which doesnt mean I will tolerate her manipulation.

This happens a lot these days, I just randomly comment on posts that I feel resonance with, and it reflects the deep healing process that I am resolving within myself. Funny how the universe works. 

[Truth]

I don't know about polygamy, but polyamory is probably more what you're looking for. 

By being polyamorous with a girl instead of monogamous you're admitting that she's ULTIMATELY not the right girl for you, but the relationship feels so good and you're learning from each other so much that you stay together until that right person comes along. 

If you're polyamorous you're having multiple relationships/girlfriends at the same time, they're all open, they all know about each other and they're all okay with it, and if they're not okay with it then you don't do it.

There's nothing worse than being monogamous with someone for years only to find out she's not the right one for you, then you have to start all over again. Being polyamorous allows you to explore and meet tons of women to make sure you've found the right woman for you and the right guy for her. It teaches you how to maintain a relationship, learn a lot about what you're insecurities in relationships are and overcoming them. 

Ultimately when you feel like you've found the right girl for you, then you decide to be monogamous with them, then you can go deep as you want and think really long term with this girl. 

[Martin123]

4 minutes ago, Truth said:

"We Think You've Changed Bro."

"We Know Best."

"You Suck."

@Truth I love Bo, when I was in highschool I found "What" on youtube while I was supposed to be studying for a biology test. It was like 1am, needless  to say, I did not study  

[Martin123]

36 minutes ago, SgtPepper said:

Yeah and other men are conquering his girl lol. How he sleeps at night knowing that other men's dick are in his girl's mouth is beyond me. Miss me with that shit.

Some people get turned on by that stuff. That's great and I respect their freedom to engage in that lifestyle. 

 

Also now when I think about it, I wouldnt necessary see my jealousy of my partner being conquered by other men as the issue. Jealousy is just my nervous system detoxing from a repressed emotion that is being relaesed and healed, making space for more expansion so those feelings are all good (Its hell btw, not making light of it).
I would particularly not resonate with the lack of commitment from my partner's side. If I am in a relationship, which I haven't been in for quite a while, I desire commitment, and not only my commitment to her, but equal commitment from her matching my own, otherwise it will be unbalanced and it wouldn't work well.

[Truth]

2 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

@Truth I love Bo, when I was in highschool I found "What" on youtube while I was supposed to be studying for a biology test. It was like 1am, needless  to say, I did not study  

Haha hell yeah! That's one of my favorite stand ups, I love the ending to it, people project a lot of their own issues/assumptions onto you and that is seriously relatable here on the forum lol.

[SgtPepper]

22 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

Also now when I think about it, I wouldnt necessary see my jealousy of my partner being conquered by other men as the issue. Jealousy is just my nervous system detoxing from a repressed emotion that is being relaesed and healed, making space for more expansion so those feelings are all good (Its hell btw, not making light of it).
I would particularly not resonate with the lack of commitment from my partner's side. If I am in a relationship, which I haven't been in for quite a while, I desire commitment, and not only my commitment to her, but equal commitment from her matching my own, otherwise it will be unbalanced and it wouldn't work well.

Dude. I am sorry to hear about your experiencing with your mother man. I have compassion for both of you because to not be able to Love someone with all of your heart is truly a sad thing. I would die for my child and I don't even have one. But to not experience authentic love from someone, let alone your own mother feels like a crime was done to you, but I truly believe you can heal from that and experience the same kind of love from yourself. May you find healing in your path. There are many people out there ready to give authentic love, you just gotta find one.

As for staying on topic. I think Jealousy is a very natural emotion. We all want stuff for ourselves and have expectations regarding those things. Having a partner have sex with someone else I think would raise a lot of jealousy and fear in me, simply because they would be enjoying a serious intimate experience with someone else which is a valuable experience. I am not really interested in explaining how intimate sex can become, but its definitely not like it is in Porn. Sex is probably the most intimate and sensual experience I've come across, definitely not like playing tennis with someone... as I have heard someone here compare it to lol. 

Edited August 6, 2018 by SgtPepper

[Martin123]

@SgtPepper OH my god thank you You are so nice, it feels really good having someone express empathy and compassion! Ive found to be one of the things that are very therapeutic for this condition, is being able to talk about it bringing more self-importance into my subconscious mind.

You have a child? Well darn there is a child blessed with a beautiful parent! I am so psyched for your family. I can tell from energy you put out here and the words you say about intimacy that you guys seem to be set for success and happiness!

Lots of love <3. 

[Martin123]

@SgtPepper wait you said you dont even have one

Woops that was a fail :DDDDDD But hey... Im obviously intuiting your future self and talking to that...

[SgtPepper]

4 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

@SgtPepper OH my god thank you You are so nice, it feels really good having someone express empathy and compassion! Ive found to be one of the things that are very therapeutic for this condition, is being able to talk about it bringing more self-importance into my subconscious mind.

You have a child? Well darn there is a child blessed with a beautiful parent! I am so psyched for your family. I can tell from energy you put out here and the words you say about intimacy that you guys seem to be set for success and happiness!

Lots of love <3. 

Absolutely. I have had many times where I just spoke to myself alone in order to process my own difficult child hood experiences. 

hehe. Thank you for your kind of words.

Edited August 6, 2018 by SgtPepper

[Martin123]

1 minute ago, SgtPepper said:

Absolutely. I have had many times where I just spoke to myself alone in order to process my own difficult child hood experiences

Thats real awesome. Thats the real work at hand. Ye sorry for the mistake hahaha.

 

 

2 minutes ago, SgtPepper said:

It is my dream to be a father and husband of a family. 

See? There was no mistake, just talking to your future  <3 

[Martin123]

17 minutes ago, Truth said:

Haha hell yeah! That's one of my favorite stand ups, I love the ending to it, people project a lot of their own issues/assumptions onto you and that is seriously relatable here on the forum lol.

Have you seen Make Happy?
I loved the ending song of that much more than the one of What, it was so emotional and beautiful, it wasnt just about comedy, but he was bringing in his own feelings and challenges with his audience allowing us to know him better. It was sick

[Truth]

6 hours ago, Martin123 said:

Have you seen Make Happy?
I loved the ending song of that much more than the one of What, it was so emotional and beautiful, it wasnt just about comedy, but he was bringing in his own feelings and challenges with his audience allowing us to know him better. It was sick

Yeah.. I think that was his goodbye to his stand ups  hopefully not, but we'll see..

Edited August 7, 2018 by Truth

[aurum]

12 hours ago, Leo Kaminski said:

So the question that I have is, "Do you guys believe that it is possible for a guy as well as a girl to open up more and more and grow deeper in intimacy as well as communion while knowing the partner is fucking around."

Yes. You're free to do whatever you want, but don't just swallow the monogamy kool-aid blindly. There's lots of various lifestyles people have found success with.

[Leo Kaminski]

Thanks for all the replies! Was some really interesting and enlightening stuff in it!