I Am Delusional

[Rilles]

Whenever I go to work and see the same girls on the bus regularly I start to daydream about being with them in a relationship and eventually I start think ”what if she likes me?” ”does she recognize me” ”maybe today will be that day when we talk”.

Becoming more mindful the past year I notice this very clearly and its making me suffer because I know its completely delusional and Im building up fantasies that won’t come to fruition.

Im not in a good place for a relationship right now anyway, obviously I have some neediness I havent resolved, is there any way to stop this? Do other people do this too? 

[Viking]

lol its normal bro, happens when you lack basic needs

[Rilles]

funny how you can define “normal” in many different ways...

[WelcometoReality]

11 hours ago, Rilles said:

Whenever I go to work and see the same girls on the bus regularly I start to daydream about being with them in a relationship and eventually I start think ”what if she likes me?” ”does she recognize me” ”maybe today will be that day when we talk”.

Becoming more mindful the past year I notice this very clearly and its making me suffer because I know its completely delusional and Im building up fantasies that won’t come to fruition.

Im not in a good place for a relationship right now anyway, obviously I have some neediness I havent resolved, is there any way to stop this? Do other people do this too? 

Do you think these thoughts or do they spontaneously arise?

There is nothing wrong with the thoughts, any thoughts, because they are just thoughts. The suffering comes from believing/identifying with the thoughts. So when you see that you are caught in the thought stories focus on the sensations instead.

[Viking]

10 hours ago, Rilles said:

funny how you can define “normal” in many different ways...

what do you mean?

what I meant by 'normal' is that it's common.

lmao most people believe that they're a person living in external reality, everyone is delusional.

[nethernalbeing]

18 minutes ago, WelcometoReality said:

Do you think these thoughts or do they spontaneously arise?

There is nothing wrong with the thoughts, any thoughts, because they are just thoughts. The suffering comes from believing/identifying with the thoughts. So when you see that you are caught in the thought stories focus on the sensations instead.

Great response. I share your "neediness" a lot dear Rilles. It's caused by our deep need to return to "the source" - which is true love. By being with somebody we tend to forget ourselves - thus being more authentic - being (if only for a moment) egoless. The needs and concerns of our partner become crucial and we spontaneously want to help.

There is a trap here of course - as the feeling of this heavenly admiration starts to fade. We realize that our needs and insecurities start to bubble up and we may then proceed to project our fears on our love interest. We see faults in our partner.

It's always the same with something we think we need. Alcohol, computer games, new car etc. We think we need it but, after some time, the initial "high" wears off and we need something different.

Only the "naked" consciousness doesn't fade - is the only genuine thing and source of happiness.

It's very good that you recognize the pattern in yourself. Fantasies are a construct of thought - nothing else.

However - it's a very difficult thing to overcome. As we live in separation - thoughts arising in our awareness will desperately try to cling to anything.

But don't beat yourself up. Sit with the emotion in silence and lovingly accept it. It's very hard but it helps. Good luck my friend!

[nethernalbeing]

1 minute ago, see_on_see said:

Guys, what the fuck are you talking about? He just needs to build pickup skills and talk to the damn girl  

Hahahah - it's a different option if we talk about the "pathless path" and being awareness - attachments and clinging to people and objects only postpones the inevitable. Of course everything is only a game and what will happen will happen. Our friend may talk to the girl, start a relationship and find his life fulfilling in moments.  If we talk about an everlasting freedom and happiness - only being our Self is a valid option. Sending love!

[Rilles]

@see_on_see and then what? furthering the delusion , getting in a relationship again and then out and then replaying the cycle, this is not about one girl or a crush, i attach to complete strangers like 5 different in one day, just getting good at pickup is a surface level solution not getting to the root

[nethernalbeing]

8 minutes ago, Rilles said:

@see_on_see and then what? furthering the delusion , getting in a relationship again and then out and then replaying the cycle, this is not about one girl or a crush, i attach to complete strangers like 5 different in one day, just getting good at pickup is a surface level solution not getting to the root

Another solution my friend would be one which Mooji shared once. If you feel a deep need of a relationship - sit in your room and lovingly ask the universe to help you with your problem. It may send someone who may help you on your path. That's a form of a true prayer and one that may bear fruit.

[Rilles]

@see_on_see I meditate daily, thats probably the only reason why i became aware of this, i guess knowing something is the first step to solving it

[nethernalbeing]

2 minutes ago, Rilles said:

@see_on_see I meditate daily, thats probably the only reason why i became aware of this, i guess knowing something is the first step to solving it

I can see that you're very mature in your approach. Just keep it up and all will be well my friend.

[Shanmugam]

13 hours ago, Rilles said:

Whenever I go to work and see the same girls on the bus regularly I start to daydream about being with them in a relationship and eventually I start think ”what if she likes me?” ”does she recognize me” ”maybe today will be that day when we talk”.

Becoming more mindful the past year I notice this very clearly and its making me suffer because I know its completely delusional and Im building up fantasies that won’t come to fruition.

Im not in a good place for a relationship right now anyway, obviously I have some neediness I havent resolved, is there any way to stop this? Do other people do this too? 

I have had these thoughts too  

You may resonate with my life story that I have narrated here: http://qr.ae/TUIUX1

Anyway, the only answer is meditation and nothing else...

[Rilles]

@see_on_see I do want a relationship but this doesnt seem like a healthy way to start one, I just came out of a 3 year relationship and I wanted some time to gather myself and do some actualization but then this started happening just a few months after.

[nethernalbeing]

19 minutes ago, Rilles said:

@see_on_see I do want a relationship but this doesnt seem like a healthy way to start one, I just came out of a 3 year relationship and I wanted some time to gather myself and do some actualization but then this started happening just a few months after.

I had a similar occurrence. The worst thing you can do after a breakup is to fill "the hole" with another person. It will end in disaster - I can assure you.

In my experience - a very good thing - which you are starting now (from reading your posts) - is to keep working on your inner health and outer health.

Meditate, inquire, eat healthy, exercise, breathe deeply (that's very important). The body is a shell given to you - maintain its good condition and look inside yourself - if you feel like you totally MUST distract yourself - distract yourself wisely. After some time - through inquiry and letting go of outcomes - things will get easier. Thoughts will try to totally control you - create a false sense of "security" - acknowledge their nature and stay conscious

[Rilles]

@see_on_see that makes alot of sense! i think thats what i need

16 minutes ago, nethernalbeing said:

I had a similar occurrence. The worst thing you can do after a breakup is to fill "the hole" with another person. It will end in disaster - I can assure you.

In my experience - a very good thing - which you are starting now (from reading your posts) - is to keep working on your inner health and outer health.

Meditate, inquire, eat healthy, exercise, breathe deeply (that's very important). The body is a shell given to you - maintain its good condition and look inside yourself - if you feel like you totally MUST distract yourself - distract yourself wisely. After some time - through inquiry and letting go of outcomes - things will get easier. Thoughts will try to totally control you - create a false sense of "security" - acknowledge their nature and stay conscious

Exactly, I really discovered myself during those 3 years and saw my many hidden neurosis come to the surface so I wanted to fix that before I did anything else.

Yes! Staying conscious is becoming easier, I can spot a lower desire pretty quickly nowadays, not that theres anything wrong with that but its easy to see when its a distraction from deeper issues.

[nethernalbeing]

4 minutes ago, Rilles said:

@see_on_see that makes alot of sense! i think thats what i need

Exactly, I really discovered myself during those 3 years and saw my many hidden neurosis come to the surface so I wanted to fix that before I did anything else.

Yes! Staying conscious is becoming easier, I can spot a lower desire pretty quickly nowadays, not that theres anything wrong with that but its easy to see when its a distraction from deeper issues.

And there you have it my friend! Just keep this "inner torch" alight. If any issues arise - just direct your knowing on it and it will pass after a while. I can see your maturity and wisdom - with that nothing stays hidden. Remember that nothing's wrong - everything you do happens in you. How you experience your inner self reflects on everything else. Love this creation - even pain and loneliness. Love always emerges victorious.

[Viking]

28 minutes ago, nethernalbeing said:

Love this creation - even pain and loneliness

man I like that so much

Quote

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-Rumi

 

[nethernalbeing]

?

[Rilles]

@nethernalbeing @Viking

Beautiful thank you for all your advice!  

my experiences have led me to want to investigate where else im fantasizing in life... so i guess this is good 

[Jack River]

19 hours ago, Rilles said:

Becoming more mindful the past year I notice this very clearly and its making me suffer because I know its completely delusional and Im building up fantasies that won’t come to fruition.

 

I feel ya there. Fantasy and imagination screws me all the time. It has got better being aware of that. But sometimes I forget. Good luck brah.