Pouya

Information is worthless. Experience matters.

7 posts in this topic

I've been following actualized.org for several months and I realized something really important.

I use Leo's information as excuse for running away from myself and facing it.

Although that information can really help me, but after i watched addictions, distraction and self deception videos, it hit me like a truck.

That i am a piece of shit, addicted to RB6 (a really distructive video game), not studying for my highschool and the big exam i have in 2020 for getting in a university, wasting time on spiritual topics for mental mastubation, not even meditating more that 10 mins and 2 days in a row, feeding myself with more and more information, assuming i know things by believing what Leo says and others say, always feeling stuck and mad and frustrated, not even starting to self inquire for even 2 days in a row, playing victim, blaming others, staying away from video games and my phone but getting absolutely fucked by my emotions, being a little ignorant dumbass and complaining shit in this post.

I only wanna tell you something. Information is worthless compaired to experience. If you want to actualize yourself, just go for your direct experience. Information gets toxic after a while.

And Leo, I was a little boy who was chasing my tail without knowing it, but now after months I do even the worse but i am aware of it. Not knowing that you don't know is much better that knowing you don't know.

Sorry for my bad language, i needed a relief.

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I am the only reason that I am in this state. I tell myself what I could forget about all this shit and just be unaware, then I realize I'm fooling myself to not become aware of myself.

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@Pouya I was in a similar situation as you, but I was also VERY suicidal for 5 years (if I had a reliable method at hand I 100% wouldn't be alive right now). Just some basic meditation will be great for you! If you have a bad meditation practice, then read the book "A Million Thoughts" by Om Swami. Buying it will actually motivate you to read it (personal experience, I always pirated stuff in the past).

Don't worry about exams))) I passed the 4 final high school exams just 1,5 month ago, without opening a book the whole year))) 

Also, while Leo's vids are nice, reading books is way better. I really recommend Leo's book-list, it's really good!


"It is the emptiness within the cup that makes it useful."

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look dude it takes energy to turn shit around

I think you're hitting a turning point

but I see a general symptom of negative change

you're about to make some big changes in your life and you're reasoning that in your mind by telling yourself that what you've been doing up until now is shit and that is why shit "needs to change"

change is coming, change is there, don't let your negative beliefs take credit for this change

 

this is the belief of change by breakdown, that somehow any improvement you manage to perceive is a sign that your life has been lacking, as if those new improvements are completely unrelated to your current life

the fact that you spend these few months reading up on this forum, changing habits, trying new stuff, this is productive, and this is what led you to this greater clarity over your life

what did you expect? to become a disciplined monk in one month, to have it all figured in a couple of weeks?

from what I'm reading you're very conscious of who you are and your life, you did it,this is amazing

the first lesson is patience

you cannot enlighten separately from your current life, you have to enlighten with your current life, be patient, listen to your life


Stellars interact with Terrans from ÓB (Earth’s Low Orbit).!

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@Pouya By beating up on yourself, you’re doubling, tripling, what there is to be let go of. Becoming aware means becoming aware of everything, so it can certainly be rough to become aware of unwanted habits, how we’ve handled certain things, etc. But don’t bring identity into it. Don’t say “I am” and then anything bad. That’s a whole different level. Try to appreciate the miracle that you can even do the practices. It’s a beautiful thing, waking up. For many people, beginning the practices, it quickly becomes the best part of their day, and the rest of their day follows into that spaciousness, that unconditional space. Be very on purpose with letting any self judgmental perspective go, and you’ll expedite the whole process, simply by being present. What you’re realigning with is not judging at all. Let judgment go. Let meaning go too. It actually does not matter if you practice or not, if you awaken or not. Doesn’t actually matter. 

So take the path just for the experience of it. For the fun. For the adventure. Just for you. 

Also, you are right on, in realizing you can not believe what anyone says. Only direct experience is reliable. Maya is always as tricky and as clever as you are, until neither are. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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Thank you people for your advice :)

I think I got much more information that I should have practiced.

Even tho I feel bad about these, at least I learned something.

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