How does one build self-esteem?

[kieranperez]

On 8/6/2018 at 1:27 PM, Feel Good said:

Thank you for this.

I remember Ken Wilburs saying that enlightenment doesn't change the shadow, enlightenment just makes it harder to see the shadow. He says something like those who become enlightened with a shadow have merely taken their shadow and "extended it to infinity". 

I am not enlightened so I don't know how true this is. But Wilbur gives a convincing argument by selecting a few enlightened gurus who he saw were a few sandwiches short of an integral picknick.

Wilbur does shadow work even to this day. It's never ending.

This was Shinzen Young’s teacher and one of the biggest forces for bringing Buddhism to the west and true enlightened zen master.

You can be as enlightened as it gets and still have a shadow and A LOT of other work to do. 

[Joseph Maynor]

The only way you can build self-esteem sustainably is through Enlightenment — through transcending the ‘Paradigm of Self Or No Self’.

Edited August 14, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[Omario]

practice self acceptance and really, these low self esteem problems come from having too much ego, you must learn to let go of your self image, i know it sounds airy fairy, but really there is no other way around it. your problem is not your self esteem, it's your ego. You mustn't be confused with the term egotistic as having too much self esteem, in fact these people have less of an ego than you do.

See what the ego does is that it always searches for an identity and once it has fallen into the trap of trying to identify whether it is worthy or not, it will always find evidence to prove its worthlessness. Escape your ego learn to dissolve it, through meditation, understanding and acceptance. You won't even be surprised once you all of a sudden have high self esteem, once you have tuned out the ego.

I sincerely hope you read this and understand its importance

Omario

 

[Salcedoop]

On 2/8/2018 at 1:58 PM, moon777light said:

I have been attempting to self-actualize/heal from my crushing social anxiety for the past 6 months with little progress. It has gotten so bad that whenever i walk outside and see a person on a street walking in my direction, i get a mini panic attack where i literally feel as if i have forgotten how to walk, and the only way i can stop myself from fainting is to take my phone out and look at my phone as a safety net. all i think is "omg this person is staring at me and is definitley thinking how dumb i am". i am so tense from social anxiety that when a friend/fmaily member takes a picture of me, my body looks stiff like a board, unnatural. I cannot afford a therapist and to make things worse my parents dont believe i have anxiety. I have tried to communicate this to my parents and they just laugh and say "hahaha yEAH right you're just using this as an excuse" My victim mentality has gotten so bad that i whenever someone doesnt give me attention i jump to conclusions that they think im the most boring person ever and no one will ever talk to me ever again. I get better for a little bit but the cycle continues endlessly, so it seems. 

thank you for any reply. 

@moon777light Hi sweety, I hope you're doing well, I understand the pain you're going through as I've had similar experiences. I strongly disagree with the las comment, about plunging into the task of dissolving you ego, before you develop a health one!! An ego isn't a bad thing, though many would like to portray it as such... it's like clothing, it's what we wear for others, it's how we present ourselves. I don't know you or anything and your post is from a couple of months ago so maybe you're in a different place by know, but from what I've read, the advice that comes to my mind is for you to find a common interest group, find people you feel comfortable around and that are supportive. Bear in mind that what you give is what you receive, so work on giving attitude-wise what you would like to receive back, for example, a smile, an assertive response, a meaningful/truthful conversation, a loving gesture. True, it's not always the case that you'll get it back what you're expecting from whom you're expecting it, but I assure you, do it enough and you'll begin to see results. Work on consistent behavior. : )
I hope you find this vid helpful, it explains well what I'm talking about.  

Cheers!  

[moon777light]

thank you guys so much for your replies  

just a little busy at the moment, but i am silently watching on here lol

[Shin]

@moon777light

I doubt I have anything to say that hasn't been said, but if it can help you for just a few seconds to feel better, I was in the exact situation as you a few years ago.

I know how hard it is, but you really don't have to worry, you will get through it if you're patient and dedicated.

No way you'll stay stuck if you work on it, stay strong !