How does one build self-esteem?

[Colin]

@moon777light That seems like no minor revelation. It is good to know why things are the way they are. I hope you can succeed in getting good sleep and I will support you with little tidbits the best I can.

[Gabriel Antonio]

@moon777light 

13 hours ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

If you want examples of activities that help you tap into your body, let me know  

Reiki, psychedelics, Tai Chi Chuan, yoga (real yoga, not gym yoga), theater classes, biodance, dynamic stretch. 

[moon777light]

@Gabriel Antonio thanks  

[Faceless]

To cultivate or not to cultivate, that is the question. 

 

 

A question I would ask is why must we give ourselves a value system psychologically? 

Values system being a self imposed concept-image. The product of our own limited and bias interpretation. Then we project that on top of the fact, (fear, insecurity). 

So ultimately we are covering up fear with an image that is the result-reaction of that fear. I think this only perpetuates fear, as to escape fear is the very movement that nourishes fear. 

 

Why do we need to improve self esteem?

 Wouldn’t it be healthier to end this attempt to cultivate a positive self image out of its opposite, a negative self image? 

Can we end this movement to cultivate any type of self image about ourselves or others? 

Is self esteem,(self image), a construction that can ultimately be destroyed. If so, why invent it if we do not need to? Why create that opportunity in the first place? 

Is this movement to invent an image of ourslves going to breed inevitable conflict with ourselves and others?

 Is it possible that ‘our’ idea of a positive self image will fail to be congruent with another persons idea of a positive self image we have invited?

Seems reasonable that if this is the case, then in relationship we will never meet one another on the same level. Your idea of me will conflict with my idea of me, and we will not be able to maintain a genuine and healthy relationship. There will always be a sense of confusion and a contradiction in communication. At least this seems so to me. 

 

Do we seek permanence by seeking security in a self image to escape that feeling of impermanence?

Can a self image capture and maintain a sense of permanence? Or is the nature of the self image, (self esteem), impermanent and a breeding ground for insecurity, conflict, and psychological suffering?

 

Interesting isn’t it? 

 

I found this thread particularly interesting indeed 

 

 

Edited August 5, 2018 by Faceless

[moon777light]

@Faceless very interesting, so you suggest best to destroy this concept of self image all together?

[Faceless]

Glad it caught some attention. 

12 minutes ago, moon777light said:

@Faceless very interesting, so you suggest best to destroy this concept of self image all together?

Don’t destroy or accept the image, but see that the image is the cause of all psychological suffering. Maybe not immediately, but further down the road the consequences are inevitable. 

[Faceless]

To create an image is a movement of fear trying to escape itself. When fear motivates and influences action, then there will be NO relationship, communion, harmony with yourself, others, or the environment. 

Edited August 5, 2018 by Faceless

[Faceless]

21 minutes ago, moon777light said:

@Faceless very interesting, so you suggest best to destroy this concept of self image all together?

Seeing-understanding the truth of this fact is action in of itself. If you see it as dangerous you stay away, right? 

[moon777light]

then what should i do? how do i stay away from my self image. I dont purposefully think bad thoughts randomly, its usually triggered my an event. How do i stop being triggered (like lets say being outside and see a group of people my age laughing and having a good time while im sitting alone). In that moment i feel a negative emotion, which then leads to me to start making these bad image assumptions. How do i stop negative emotions coming up as a result of this trigger? (or well better to say how to stop being triggered/seeing myself as a victim)

[robdl]

1 hour ago, moon777light said:

then what should i do? how do i stay away from my self image. I dont purposefully think bad thoughts randomly, its usually triggered my an event. How do i stop being triggered (like lets say being outside and see a group of people my age laughing and having a good time while im sitting alone). In that moment i feel a negative emotion, which then leads to me to start making these bad image assumptions. How do i stop negative emotions coming up as a result of this trigger? (or well better to say how to stop being triggered/seeing myself as a victim)

Escape from negative emotions, wanting to stop them, is a reaction out of fear. It (fear) is a resistance/struggle against what-is. This resistance/struggle against what-is is thought/self (fear) in action, being perpetuated. Thought/self and fear are one and the same movement.

And the mind goes “what to DO about it?” - but this very desire to do, this movement of effort/volition, is also a subtle expression of this fear/thought-self. Effort/volition is a movement away from what-is, just like fear is.

Edited August 5, 2018 by robdl

[robdl]

The “I” separates itself from a negative emotion, and this creates conflict. The “I” wants to deny or escape the negative emotion. But this denial/escaping action only perpetuates insecurity/fear/conflict.

There must be holistic insight to realize that the “I” and negative emotion are one and the same. The emotion watcher is the content of emotion.

Edited August 5, 2018 by robdl

[Faceless]

22 minutes ago, robdl said:

The emotion watcher is the content of emotion.

As long as our action is influenced by this false notion as “the i” being different from the content-emotion, then we will continue to evade the fact of that content-emotion. The evasion is the reaction to the fact, (fear). 

 

@moon777light  

To keep it simple, do you see that the formulation of the image is responsible for this conflict-pain & suffering?

Edited August 5, 2018 by Faceless

[RichardY]

Success.

If unsuccessful; upset people. Note upset: and not antagonise, troll, annoy etc. 

[kieranperez]

I really wouldn't mix enlightenment work with this. Enlightened or not, you operate through a relative world (the dual within the non-dual). Most people are just not aware.

However, I would really put enlightenment work on the back of  your mind for work to be handled later on in life. @moon777light I'm exactly where you are. Really get low self-esteem handled. I'm also currently reading through Branden's 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem. I can attest to the importance of needing to get this handled because my life won't get turned around until I get my low self-esteem handled. You can't make true significant life changes, or in my case, any life change for that matter, if you're stuck as a victim and you can't keep integrity with yourself, you don't believe in your own commitments and that you have the resolve to turn your life around. Affirmations, visualizations, etc. is all stuff that are more icing to the cake that is mostly made up of at least decent self-esteem (self-respect and self-efficacy). Otherwise, you know it's just mantras that hold no truth or validity to them. Get this handled and self-actualization and enlightenment work will go so much better as it will allow you to pursue these things without sabotaging yourself in your efforts. 

This is a lesson I'm learning late unfortunately and I'm really paying the price for it. I hope you get this handled  

 

[moon777light]

@kieranperez thank you , yeah the more theory i read about the "I" , separation, etc, the more i become confused :(. i guess the most important thing to do for me is to read the 6 pillars from cover to cover to first get that stuff handled. I see now how models like the maslow hierarchy and the spiral dynamics rings true, because i tried to study ego and enlightenment stuff (since its talked on here a lot) and i started reading books by eckhart tolle which confused me even more. I really first need to tackle the base levels of that pyramid (or stage orange) before i can proceed or im only going to make the process of progress become frustrating.

[kieranperez]

6 hours ago, moon777light said:

@kieranperez thank you , yeah the more theory i read about the "I" , separation, etc, the more i become confused :(. i guess the most important thing to do for me is to read the 6 pillars from cover to cover to first get that stuff handled. I see now how models like the maslow hierarchy and the spiral dynamics rings true, because i tried to study ego and enlightenment stuff (since its talked on here a lot) and i started reading books by eckhart tolle which confused me even more. I really first need to tackle the base levels of that pyramid (or stage orange) before i can proceed or im only going to make the process of progress become frustrating.

What a lot of people with low and crippling self-esteem that go into spiritual practice don’t understand is that those are 2 different endeavors. You can be really enlightened but that really is just your consciousness of absolute truth. Have you noticed that a lot of people go into spirituality from a place of deficiency? These people with crippling emotional issues (depression, low self-esteem, crippling life issues, etc.) are operating from a place of fear. 

This is entirely why for example Ken Wilber has 3 different lines of development:

• Waking Up (enlightenment)
• Growing Up (personal development) 
• Cleaning Up (“emotional work”)

You can be enlightened and still have a lot of gross and subtle addictions.  Enlightenment work is not work you use to escape your problems. That will actually only entrench your problems more.

My advice for you would be to a tick with your meditation and or yoga practice but really hammer home on personal development and self esteem work. Why? Because you could do enlightenment work for the next 15 years and still not see results or get any experiences. Work on the character through which you operate the relative world in. 

[Faceless]

We can also see that lines of “development” such as; “enlightenment-waking up”, “growign up-personal development”, “cleaning up-emotional work”, are also all one and the same movement of fear. An escape from the fact of what is actually the case, to what should be, (abstraction).

Anytime we introduce this division that the idea is more important than the fact, contradiction is bound to manifest. 

To solve practical problems in life the idea,(abstraction), is useful, but psychologically simply staying with the fact is the only way to prevent this perpetuation of divison-duality, which only nourishes psychological insecurity. 

The self loves to seek security in the abstraction, “improve”, which is the self seeking security in thought. 

The self does not want to stay with what is. Which is why the problem is never understood holistically. If we cannot stay with what is, there will never be understanding. To build a positive self image,(improve), is an escape. Instead of not improving or improving, perhaps instead simply understand. Understanding requires communion with the problem. Not any means necessary to escape it. 

 

 

Ultimatly we may find that seeking psychological security;escaping to what should be, leads to and breeds psychological insecurity. 

To be aware of the abstractions, “enlightenment”, “personal development”, and such, instead of understand what is actually happening in oneself.

In this is whole action in which freedom flowers. 

Psychological freedom is not the result of cultivated thought, (pursuing abstraction), but the holistic understanding of thought-self as one unitary movement of time, (psychological becoming). 

 

The staying with and understanding of what is, ceases to feed that movement of fear seeking security in its own movement. Then we see the futility in seeking security in this self feeding loop that depends on attachment to certain type of image in which we seek shelter in. 

 

This message has nothing to do with enlightenment, personal development, and so on.

It is direct towards the importants of understanding the nature of living. To live a healthy life of order. 

Edited August 6, 2018 by Faceless

[Colin]

 

[Faceless]

We will see that not seeking psychological security in any type of image makes for one who is psychologically indestructible. 

A human being that does not hide in images, can never be hurt psychologically. 

A rather important attribute to live a healthy life indeed. 

Edited August 6, 2018 by Faceless

[Nahm]

@moon777light 

This might be hit or miss but just on the chance it’s helpful.... Have you considered that your troubles stem from a sort of uber-stubbornness in not accepting that you’re already perfect?

Maybe another way to say this is, everything you see is finite and not perfect. But you know, just in the simplest sense, you can make choices. For example, just look at these letters, and pick one. Doesn’t matter which one...but just choose one...

 

G.              E.               J.              P.              R.              I.              C. 

 

 

 

If you were finite, or imperfect or partial,  like a gear in a machine, you would not be able to have made a choice and picked a letter. But you did pick a letter, and that is only possible, because what you actually are, is infinite. Infinite as in, a state of potentiality, not something fixed or stationary - infinite, and therefore able to choose between things. Infinite as in, already perfect. Hope that’s at least a tiny bit helpful. I really feel for you. Also, btw, you took the most important biggest step already imo, and that is self honesty. You said “I have this and I’m tired of it”. Most people fear doing that. You’re brave.