Jen's Journal: The Actualization Of A Trans-woman

[jenna]

Alright, so this is my journal. I keep a hand-written one for myself; I write in it everyday, but i'm hoping having people reading and commenting on this will be helpful. 

So I suppose an introduction would be nice:

 I'm Jenna. I'm 24 (25 in April). I'm transgender (as the title suggests)-- I am in the beginning stages of my transition. I am in the process of becoming a graphic designer/comic artist (one of my goals). I am also on a journey to better health via fitness and better diet. I'm trying to quite smoking. Develop a team that will lead me to success. And i'd like to build a website, and publish a book, that will further the general public's understanding of what it means to be outside the gender binary. While I hold no religion, I am on a journey of spiritual (for lack of a better term) well-being, and actualization. 

A year and a half ago, I came to terms with my gender identity-- which I had hidden under a veil of repression. At the time I was in university studying English Literature, had the girl of my dreams, and a decent job. As I began coming out (first to my mother and then my girlfriend at the time) I began to suffer from bouts of anxiety and depression from fear of my future, fear of losing important relationships, body-dysphoria, and general lack of understanding. I was seeing a councilor, who was helping, but my grades slipped, the company I had been working for five years was bought out and liquidated, and my girlfriend and I were on the outs. 

As the summer came, I lost my job, my girlfriend, and had been withdrawn from my university. I was broke, emotionally, mentally, and financially--broke. I was extremely overweight (as I had been since around middle school). 

That was my rock-bottom. 

Since then, I've lost 65 pounds, embraced yoga, daily meditation, visualization, daily gratitude, positive affirmations, and reading books on self-development. 

 

So the point of this journal is to help me be consistent with the whole self-actualization thing, get opinions, maybe network. But mostly for accountability to myself. 

Edited March 21, 2016 by jenna
the original post was merely a test-post. still new to this haha

[99th_monkey]

congrats haha

[jenna]

March 21, 2016 (Day 2)

So I thought I'd kind of list the things that I really want to work on through this journal. I kind of talked about it yesterday, but for my sake (and anyone who decides to read any of this), I thought i'd actually list the habits I want to incorporate, and areas I really wanna focus on in my self-development journey. I think laying it out there in point form makes it a little more concrete, and a better reference. (keep in mind this list may be constantly revised as I go through my journey, or make them more specific).

Habits I'm trying to incorporate: 

• Daily drawing practice (either digitally or pencil-paper)
• Brushing/flossing
• Daily gratitude
• Daily meditation and visualization
• Some form of exercise (yoga, cardio, calisthenics)
• Read ten pages of a "good" book a day (aka self-development)
• Get a good amount of sleep

What I'm trying to work on: 

• Lose weight (via diet and exercise)
• Quit smoking
• Improve my financial state 
• Master my mind
• Get my career started
• Transition by the time I'm 30

First of all, today I started my day with my daily meditation, visualization, and gratitude. For meditation I've been using the app Calm; I love this app! there's almost nothing that's even comparable from my experience with several other apps. As for my visualization, I've developed a personalized "routine" that I go through. Although today I felt anxious to get out of bed, and found I cut it short-- not giving it the time it really needs. I also try to spend a few minutes reflecting on things that I'm truly grateful in my life; I try to make them different everyday, and the general rule is that they cannot cost money. I often post my daily gratitude on my tumblr blog (there's a link to that in my "About Me" section on my profile). 

So that was my morning. 

I also spent a bit of time cleaning my room, which was looking a little chaotic. I read Marie Kando's The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, which I highly recommend to anyone who struggles with clutter, hoarding, and general issues with too much "stuff." I think I need to go through and do it again. I'm strongly heading towards a life of minimalism. The first time i went through, I went from about four book CASES of books to two, which was, despite what Kando says, the hardest part for me emotionally. I'm a huge book junkie. So to fix that issue, I renewed the library card I hadn't used in about four years... so... there's a tip if you're a book whore like me. 

Anyway, I did get some drawing done. And I did read ten pages of book. I didn't spend any money. However I was pretty sedentary all day, and ate relatively poorly. 

Anyway, 

I do need to get to bed. Goodnight, lovelies. 

[Zane]

Jen, you have a great success story of self-acceptance of your gender identity, hitting rock bottom and making amazing progress! I want to be the best self-actualization buddy and learn more about what you want out of life. I love meeting other people and learning their stories! 

[nbolt]

On 3/21/2016 at 8:50 PM, jenna said:

Alright, so this is my journal. I keep a hand-written one for myself; I write in it everyday, but i'm hoping having people reading and commenting on this will be helpful. 

This doesn't have much to do with your situation, but I've always had trouble keeping journals. I've thought about starting my own thread here, but based on past experience I'll just write some gibberish down for a few days and eventually just look at a blank page and wonder what I'm supposed to be doing. From a practical, objective perspective I can definitely see tons of ways one could benefit from keeping a daily journal, but I guess I have a bit of trouble being introspective in a way that's conducive to keeping one. Have you experienced anything like this and/or have any tips?

[jenna]

March 28, 2016

okay, so I haven't posted in a while, I don't really have any good excuses... 

Today was a really good though! Started meditation on my floor again, instead of in bed-- makes a huge difference I find; did my visualization for twenty minutes, following. 

I've started a new meal plan for myself-- based on Yuri Elkaim's book "The All-day Fat-Burning Diet" (and no, it's not a "diet"). Today was a low-carb day (50grams or less), with a five minute interval workout followed by an optional 30 minute low-intensity cardio session on the stationary bike. I also added a thirty minute yoga session. If you're wanting to get into yoga, and don't have the funds for a class right now, I highly recommend the youtube channel "Yoga with Adrien" (I'll post the link below).  I'm doing her thirty day yoga boot camp, I've done a few of them before, but today i'm starting at day one with the plan of doing it consistently. I've also started focusing on drinking my water.

I didn't do much other than that. I should have gotten some drawing done. Anyway, I need to get some sleep. 

Jen the zen spartan, signing off!

[jenna]

Here's the link for the yoga channel I mentioned: 

Yoga with Adrien