Priti Health Journal

[Preety_India]

Chapter 137

Life is conditional. 

Qualities that are exceptionally important for a healthy system

1. Compassion 

2. Courage 

3. Resources 

4.maturity.. That's why teenagers fail to do better because they lack so much of these. 

5. Charity. 

In the end, compasssion wins, talent loses. 

I think this is the biggest injustice of humanity. The haves and the have nots. 

Lots of qualities, abilities, skills, resources. They're not deprived or deficient. They can get what they want. As a result they're not as desperate. So it's easy for them to be nice and good because they don't need to be manipulative to get what they want. But people who are deprived become selfish and desperate because that's the only way to survive. But for those for whom survival comes easy they don't need to manipulate. For those who have to struggle have to resort to all the wrong things to make it through. Compassion comes easy to a rich man. If you're endowed it's easy to be nice. Goodness is when it shines  even through darkness and lack. The same ones who pretend to be nice would be shitty if they had to face misery. If they would be just as good when things are bad, then let's judge. You aren't in my situation and I'm not in yours. Our contexts are not the same. So if someone showed grace through terrible misery, they're great in their hearts. They have shown their own grace or giving nature despite having been given bad. It's like this. A person who is rich still offers a cent. And a person driven into misery gives more than anyone. Also those who fight through their lack and still contribute more or do not behave bad or immoral or show little transgressions are still nice because others in their shoes would have fared worse and done more damage to society. It's funny how sometimes suffering can bring out the best in us and sometimes the worst. It can make us calculated but it can make some people compasssionate. It can make us humble and more attuned to spirituality or it can make us opportunistic. But I don't know about the lack of suffering. It's strange because these days everything is appearing more and more about karma. Everything we do essentially reflects more of who we are. It shows our morality in its different facets. Lack of suffering can sometimes make people more materialistic or a lost cause, a hamster on a wheel looking only at the most superficial concerns of life like status, money, position, appearance, ego needs and mindless tea gossip. Because they got nothing better to do, nothing deeper to think about. Their life is not heavy but light as a feather. Their concerns aren't about survival but about fashion. Because they didn't suffer enough. So things that concern them are the most frivolous in the bigger scheme of things. They hadn't had it hard enough to rise above mundane things. So little things are a big bother for them. This is the nature of life. We become what it makes us. People become deeper and come out emotionally richer when they go through life full circle.. sadness, pain, frustration, guilt, grief and this tossing on the brick makes them stronger and intense and more ready to take on difficult things, not to mention more compassionate towards those who have similarly suffered. These people don't have time for frivolous stuff but they are busy resolving serious concerns and living life with a deeper purpose and meaning. They leave an impact because they are footprints in the snow, letters in stone and not nail polish on a fake nail. They can go beyond handbags and sunglasses. They have emotional content and emotional value and stuff in their lives holds a sentiment. Almost everything they do or own has a sentimental value. They live a rich life not a life of  riches. Life and time is worth much more than a house, a watch or a costly shoe. Wasting time on these things is equal to insulting the sacredness of life. My time is limited and special and it shouldn't be spent on unremarkable things. 

Life is rich when it carries a sentiment and a purpose. When it's great and amazing and full of experiences, mistakes,struggles, heroism, victories, love, peace.. Heroism should not be in movies for us to be in awe of, because we obviously love it since it compensates for the lack of it in our lives, heroism should not  be in the movies, it should be in our lives. We only become more human through our struggle. Also people in olden days had a hard life and they would watch comedies to make up for the lack of humor in life, to feel better, so they can feel refreshed to take more from life. However these days with people of carefree yet stressful existence, they want a movie that can make them cry because they can't cry in real life, how cheap life has become that even sadness has to be bought with money. They want to feel more meaningful by crying in a movie theater. Go watch someone suffering and learn and make a difference then the tears won't be wasted on a fake story. Induced crying is for psychopaths to make themselves look more human. 

When you live a full life, you become a full human. Also your inner humanity is constantly tested even through suffering and even in happiness. Your karma and morality are reflected in both desperate and happy times. What you show in both good and bad times constitutes who you are. A good person is good in both and a bad is bad in both. A hero is one who shows splendid qualities of morality and karma in both good and times. In bad times they show grace, hope and determination and courage. In good times they show beauty, humility,maturity, compasssion, growth, wisdom, concern and consideration. 

If you just close your eyes and look deeper inside of you and then you will find that place where you will come closer to God. You don't 

I talk like old people. I am an old soul in a young body. 

Over time I started realizing that the whole world is fake, everything is fake, even love is fake, relationships are fake, it upsets me because I don't want it to be so plastic. I want it more spiritual. 

Your emotion and your sentiment in the world and what you create out of it is the most genuine authentic piece or work you create. It may not be extraordinary but in your heart it carries a meaning and an emotion and that's all that matters. 

"Be a light to the world." 

Live like a star. 

 

 

Other concepts 

"I'm flourishing." 

Can there be anything as "positive brainwashing." 

"my experiences have taught me too much. My emotional range has expanded." 

I see so many redeemable qualities in so many irredeemable people. The best person is like a lotus of good qualities, all chosen from different cultures, situations and needs. They all fit together to form the most complex beautiful pattern. Although not perfect by any means but it's imperfections only make it more human and capable of further growth and improvement. It makes us imperfectly beautiful. We are good as we are. We only have to get better. 

 

 

"I'll meet you in an alternate universe where I can be your family and you can be my family. This life is too short for all our emotional and spiritual needs." 

(Ask her about the reports.) 

Edited December 13, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Chapter 138

 

 

 

Qualities that are exceptionally important for a healthy system

1. Compassion 

2. Courage 

3. Resources 

4.maturity.. 

5. Charity. This means having only good intentions and for everyone. They always want a good outcome for all.  (in real life, charity  is giving). Charity is another word for welfare, or good of all or everything. 

6. Wisdom. 

Such people are almost near perfect. 

Edited December 13, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Much bigger things are on the cards right now. I'm done wasting time on relationships and fake hope of love and fantasy. 

Growing out of fickle unhelpful things and moving towards more serious goals and consequences. Also I'll never forget the importance of having information on my fingertips or a psychological reference manual on life and choices. I used to take information for granted and consider everything as only based on emotions and desires, feelings and intuition. 

Nah. Information reduces a great deal of pain and regrets. It's part of wisening up. 

Life is not just living and living full and healthy but also wisening up with time and wisening up beforehand and overcoming challenges. It's all about knowing and understanding and being better prepared in the present and for the future. It's being healthy now and using information to create a healthy future not an endless series of regrets and lessons and the repetition of these. It's about creating a secure future despite the uncertainty of the environment. Basically building life one sequence box or block at a time. 

 

 

 

Two words in the English language. One for unaffectedness and the other for compassionate welfare for everyone or inherent goodness. 

Edited December 13, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Chapter 140

God's mercy does not depend on skin color. 

One more added to the 23 essential needs 

24. Rest, peace, comfort, break, peace, space. 

 

When you have empathy you want to hear more and judge less. 

When a person shows two layered behavior, that is something hidden inside and something else on the outside, they are being insincere, disingenuous and not of an innocent heart. Two layered behavior is a sign of a psychopath. 

When  a person shows extreme aggression, anger or frustration or defensive behavior they have suffered abuse or they are suffering some form of emotional distress as a result of past abuse. 

You will always assume that another person has a sinister reason behind everything they do because you are sinister. What you assume can sometimes be the reflection of who you are. 

I'm suffering from emotional distress syndrome 

When you normally grieve, it's just normal, but an aggravating factor can make it 1000 times worse. 

When you are faced with an intense emotional challenge and you feel like you do something really wrong take God's help. God's help is always there right around the corner. Trust God 

Edited December 15, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Chapter 141 

Today I've understood the meaning of faith, trust and hope. 

Have faith in God. Have faith in his grace. Have faith in his providence. He will provide for your needs. 

I want to see how much of a bastard a person can be. I want to see the level of depravity to convince me that there is no faith in humanity. There are perpetrators and there are bastards. Spectators who can either change the situation because they are in a better place or they can at least hope to change it. But what about sadistic pigs who actually secretly want suffering to continue. They're even worse than perpetrators. They are exploiters. 

Have faith in God's grace. 

When I see how others perceive success and how much depravity can exist where there is no dignity, I feel I missed by a long shot and I missed too much and I feel I took a lot of who I was for granted. Just way too much to count. 

God will provide for all the needs and he is the hope at the end of the tunnel. 

As long as there is God in this world, there is light, it's not dark yet, so do not give up. Where there is God there's light. 

Hope and faith and trust 

Hope is believing that a good outcome is waiting for the future if you wait enough and carry on with your determination. If you keep walking at the end of the tunnel you will see light. 

Faith is believing in God's power of giving grace and providing for your needs. A fundamental belief that God exists even when everything seems empty. 

Trust. Trusting God's love and mercy and loyalty to you. God never abandons those who need his help and those who ask his love and trust his care and his magnanimity and compassion. He never let's them down who trusted his love. Because he is not a betrayer, he is not cheap or shallow of his word, he is not empty of power and he is not lacking in grace, and he is not absent of love and kindness. 

 

When you.... When you have a toxic person you leave them and replace them with better people. 

[Preety_India]

Chapter 142

December 20

If I've come this far, I can go a little further. 

I can be your best friend for life. I can be a good friend. I give this as a consolation to you for breaking your heart and not being your wife. Not playing the role you wanted me to play. But I can be a great friend. We started out as friends anyway. I have done my share of what I could for you as your miserable girlfriend. But I have learned some pretty big lessons along the way. So Thanks for that. I'm a piece of shit for you. But I'm okay. 

I've been a great person. And this a fact not narcissism. I'm bold and brave enough to know what narcissism is. I will certainly be a great loyal friend for all life unless you underestimate my power as a person ( as what typical narcissists do), and I will be there to support you in whatever 3rd world way I can. 

This is a consolatory truce between you and me. I won't fucking bother you anymore. I won't be your so called stalker whatever nonsense you call me. You used my insecurities to hurt me and gave me 3 threats last week , the week before December 12. I'm done. It's more than enough. Nobody deserves to die. You said a bunch of horrible stuff and just like my mom you feel entitled enough to decide on my life and death. No. Only God can be the judge. Not you or anyone or any damn mother just because she is a mother. You do not have the right to decide on my life and nor anyone else. I'm done with your sense of domination and guilt trapping, sympathy seeking, infantilization, trivialization, mockery, bullying, death threats and jail threats, narcissistic abuse, constant one upping, lack of concern for my health or mental state, abuse of my basic rights as a human, humiliation and degradation, sexual degradation, preying on my need for love and affection, egging me on against my family, basically using alienation technique (typical of abusers), guilting me for being with my family, chiding me for every little thing, acting like a super critical judgemental little abusive bitch jumping on my flaws and double downing on me for the silliest transgressions, acting like a victim and villianizing me over nothing, acting like a victim all the time (all covert bullies do that), making me appear like a abusive freak sociopathic monster, showing passive aggressive tactics, showing hate, spite and scorn, and substituting your anger with periods of good behavior when you are in "that mood", I mean your good mood, so when you are happy, you wanna be all nice to me, tell me how beautiful I am and how much you love me and how much you miss me, and then minutes later start the same passive agressive shit. 

I have to be up in your up moods and down and apologetic in your down moods, I'm tired of your bipolar Rollercoaster. 

I've had enough. I'm now saying goodbye to you and this is full and final. Now or never. 

Now on I'm just your friend and you lose all obligations or rights. You can't say shit to me no more.. 

Take your whiny little ass away and show it to some big bitch who can be nice to you in return. I can't. I am done being nice. 

Like I said I will be a nice friend. But that's all I can be. I can give you a listening ear and a hug and some support. But only at my convenience not how you want. Not at the cost of my health. But depending on my schedule. I will try to fit you properly into my time table. I showed mercy on you. I hope you will see that. 

I hope you will see everything and not just what I do. 

If you want to be ungrateful and ditch me, it's your choice. If you want to be understanding and if you care about me like you say and if you appreciate what I did for you maybe you will not be as ungrateful. 

 

I've paid a huge price for falling in love with you. A huge price. I don't deserve this at all. 

You are ruthless. But I forgive you for putting me through so much unnecessary pain to satisfy your ego. 

Your fights and abuses have taken a toll on my fragile state of mind. 

Goodluck with your bs. 

I deserved none of that. But I'm done for good. I will never look back and I'll never take you back. 

This day signifies the end of relationships in my life for good. A relationship adds nothing but pain and misery unless it's a very thoughtful kind and wonderful person who truly wants to make a positive difference. Rest is bs. 

 

 

 

Edited December 19, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I will have to walk alone and I need to be my own pillar. 

Because I don't think anyone cares. 

 

Non living things help better than living things. 

Edited December 19, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

December 21 3.39 pm. 

I'm in Mysore right now. I'm on a trip to Ooty and on the way to it. This is what I see from my car window. 

I can't read the language. I hope my journey will be safe. 

 

 

Edited December 21, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Blood pressure
Asthma
COPD
Build up of CO2
Body heat
Thyroid thermo regulation issues
Iron deficiency anaemia
Vit B deficiency
Vit D deficiency
Body Dryness
Dehydration
Weight gain
Insulin insensitivity

Mild fibromyalgia

..
Brain damage
Anxiety
Depression
Emotional distress syndrome 

Hypersensitivity and mild autism 

Sensitive to sound, noise, light, stress and crowds. Mild autism makes multi tasking impossible. 

Sensitive to extra or even average sensory stimulation and sensory load. 

COPD headaches, weight gain and bloating. 

COPD numbness in arms and extremisties

Edited December 22, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Welcoming 2019 with a positive attitude and a strong resolution to work on problems. 

 

[Preety_India]

December 23 

5 am. 

I woke up at 3am. And I'm feeling numbness and tingling in my right arm and fingers. All my fingers. Not in toes. My fingers are feeling numb and tingling. 

I'm not feeling okay.

I want to return back home.. I want to feel safe. I can't explain what's happening to me but whatever it is it is not good. 

I'm feeling awful. About my life and the time I spent with my mother and her behavior and consequent need to escape home and find a safer place. I feel helpless. 

I did well in studies and college. Even at my job. 

I fell into a very bad relationship this year and I want to forget it forever. Please God help me and help me find a way. 

 

 

Edited December 22, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

December 24 2018

I did my first exercise. This is after a year. It was on a treadmill and a cycle and some yoga. And push ups.

Very painful for the first time. 

My whole leg is swollen... Both legs. They look puffy. 

My ankle swelling hasn't gone down yet. 

I've started the exercise right after the Ooty trip that ended yesterday night and today morning I had to be ready for the first day of my workout. 

It was cruel and painful. But I have to do it. 

I started gaining weight after the end of the bad relationship. The emotional stress had taken a toll on my mental health. 

My past history of illnesses did not help either. The combined effect is too much. 

But I have finally made the resolve - no more bad relationships and no more toxic people in my life. No more mental and emotional stress. No more people trying to destroy my health. 

My health will be my top priority. New year eve is coming closer. 

Merry Christmas to those I care about. But I've left Christianity so it doesn't hold much value for me anymore. 

[Preety_India]

 God does two things. Either God shows light in your darkness or God removes you from darkness and gives you freedom. He ends your suffering. 

 

Life can be 2 things. 

Either its a journey between birth and death and into the afterlife or it is the creation of something purposeful, meaningful and beautiful. You can either blossom it into a wonderful creation like a piece of art or you can let it stagnate.in every way, life should always be happy. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

December 25 2018

God heals us. God finds a way. 

[Preety_India]

How to block stress today 

COPD condition weakening the nervous system. 

Muscle twitching. 

CO2 buildup affecting 

Non living things are better. 

God is the source of strength and hope. 

Rely on God. 

Don't rely on people 

COPD bloating and Dehydration like dry ice caused by CO2 buildup progressing towards suffocation and nerve damage and weakness. Peripheral neuropathy too. 

Sleep apnea and breathing exercises to reduce sleep apnea. 

No hot sun 

Coconut water to reduce pressure 

CD for controlled delivery 

Sweating because heart does not get enough oxygen and increased diastolic pressure 

Dark urine due to turning of blood due to low oxygen in blood. 

Juice reduces the swelling at night 

Mild swelling without wheezing still present. 

Daily schedule maintenence 

Extra sensitivity to stress due to CO2 buildup 

Oxygen demand not met. 

CO2 not expelled properly and fully. 

The daily tiredness is because of copd. 

Mouth breathing is a sign of copd. 

Mouth breathing can further worsen nose blockage. 

Nose blockage initially gives rise to mouth breathing. Vicious cycle. 

Blockage occurs at many points including nose upper portion, palate level, throat, neck, chest or lung tube. Etc. 

All blockages relieved by steaming, exercise to increase oxygen intake and pillow use and nasal relievers, juice, correctional breathing exercises also known as artificial or skilled breathing. 

Scoliosis might also be responsible for copd and apnea 

 

Steaming for copd relief 

Edited December 26, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 December 28

 

[Preety_India]

 

December 30

 Got the bus pass. Returned from trip near 23 night. Sunday night. 

Swan needs to resume today

 

Grace box new concept. 

December 24 night I was close to strk. 

Swan, video games,gym, plants, non living things like books, health focus, body, sequence box, grace box, 

4 main things 

1 God....develop a functional relationship 

2.. Health 

3.. Building a life in this world. 

4.. Swan... Religion. 

 

Stop relying on people. Cut off all socialization, people and relationships. Stop relying on relationships. 

A grace box is an Indication of that you believe in the grace of God 

Higher self awareness 

Daily schedule maintenance to avoid sabotage 

How to block stress today. 

DO NOT NEGLECT YOUR HEALTH. 

Important questions 

1 how to block stress today 

2 how to better health today 

3. How to develop or grow  spiritually today. 

4 how to connect to God today 

5. How to connect to the body today. 

Human body or health or the worsening of health happens in phases which is why it's very illusory. Feels like nothing until it's severe. 

Anyone on the path of spirituality or connected to God will not be able to bear the sight of suffering and will try to reduce suffering in the world. In other words will display empathy through actions. 

Holy trinity - Your spirit/soul(ego as well), your body, and God. 

Edited December 30, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Intra abdominal pressure causing pressure on nerves and headache. This is due to improper exhalation.. 

 

2 reasons why people get stuck in toxic relationships. 

1... Because they are taught to believe that relationships are life. Otherwise life is barren. 

2... Everyone feels a void or emptiness within them. Which means they do not have a life of their own. This does not mean job. It means a fulfilling spiritual and physical life. They don't have something they can attach to. As a result they constantly feel a void within them. And they are in a hurry to fill this void with relationships, most of which are unhealthy unfortunately. 

The one way to break this cycle is to know that life is much more and way beyond relationships and that relationships are only a part of life. Second way is to fill the void with healthy non living things and not with people or relationships,, i. e relationships. Fill this void by creating a life of your own filled with hobbies, health care, body connection, spirituality, connection to God. Once you have created this little wonderful happy bubble or life of your own, any relationship is just an adjunct or aid to this life. It's more of a side stream than main stream. You will only choose that relationship which supports your way of life. You will no longer be codependent or emotionally deprived or emotionally dependent. You no longer be searching for someone to give you emotional satisfaction. You will look for potential suitors that suit your way of life and conform to your little bubble you created. 

The life of your own, I'll call it the little bubble 

This little bubble should consist of the trinity- your spirit, your body and God. 

Make this bubble stronger every day. 

Whatever helps you to grow, you should accept it and whatever consumes you, you should block it out. 

Edited December 30, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Any reason you have given to yourself to kind of put up with a abusive relationship or just stay in it or refuse to break or be too lazy about it is your death knell. Every such reason is just bullshit. None of it ever works. 

In the end, you will either break the relationship out of frustration because it will get too suffocating or you might end up in the hospital. But one way or the other its going to be bad. 

An abusive or toxic  relationship can never have a good outcome. Better late than never. 

The earlier the demise of such a relationship the better. 

You thinking that it might change and you hoping that things can get better is just an illusion. Also instead of getting better things are only going to get worse. Early signs of a bad relationship means that it's badness or toxicity is only going to escalate. A bad relationship can never turn into something good. If you begin to see signs of discomfort early on or even later midway through the relationship then its given that it's not going to be good. It's like a scientific process like a disease pathology. It will always operate like that unless there are exceptions. 

A bad person is a bad person. Incompatibility is incompatibility. Nothing can change it. Nothing makes it better. A bad relationship is bound to fail sooner or later 

It's important to recognize signs of a bad relationship early on. The first signs are abusive behavior, words used, fights, nature of the fights, constant disagreements, toxic nature, disrespect, lack of privacy or space, obsession, control, domination, disruption of daily schedule, getting stressed out or burned out, constantly feeling anxious or the need to please or seek approval, not eating on time, improper or lack of sleep, sleepiness in the day, disruption of work, insomnia, health problems, over eating or comfort eating, weight gain, weight loss, bad eating habits, lack of focus on health, pushing yourself to the edge to please, abusive words or behavior shown, constant criticism or nitpicking, lack of appreciation, pressuring for sex, pressuring for more time or attention even when you are genuinely busy, greedy behavior, lack of concern for your health or needs, lack of concern for how you feel, seldom apologies, not ready to apologize when they should, feeling depressed or deprived of  basic affection. comparisons to others, threats, blackmail, emotional blackmail, relationship leaving blackmail, manipulation, bullying, harassment, cheating, secretive or open flirting with the opposite gender, talking or being friends with those that have disrespected or fought with you, lack of understanding, constant talk about the relationship itself, attack on the opposite gender, showing hate for the opposite gender, use of mean language. 

When any of the signs are seen, it's best to gradually work out a plan to end or escape the relationship step wise and put an end to it before it gets too late. 

Put an end as soon as possible when your health seems to be in jeopardy or when you realize you seem to be losing out too much because of the relationship. 

A safe end is a better option because often ending is difficult and sometimes drawn out and sometimes clumsy or messy or very dangerous leading to death threats or stalking or obsession or attack. 

Ways to end 

1 reduce communication 

2 silent treatment 

3. Reduce texting /calling 

4. Direct break up 

5. Abruptly end conversations

6. Avoid and ignore as much as possible 

7. Escape arguments 

8. Switch off devices 

9 go on long breaks 

10 unexplained absence 

11 reduce emotional attachment or feeling. 

12 stop caring about what they think 

13 do not crave for attention or affection. 

14 remind yourself that this person is bad or toxic or not good for you 

15 don't go cold turkey. Gradually reduce your emotional passion or feelings or attachments. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 30, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I'm working towards ending this relationship. 

Hopefully next year will be a good start for a fresh new beginning with new perspectives and goals. 

The video game saved me from the destructive relationship. 

Mos and aml

Edited December 31, 2018 by Preety_India