Leos Breakup Advice

[tashawoodfall]

3 hours ago, Feel Good said:

What's your worldview around sexuality?

I think it's natural - nothing wrong about it.  As a woman I have that little part that took joy in using men for sex and being fine with it later -rebelling in a sense.  

I've explored tantric with my boyfriend and sex is starting to have a new meaning to me.  I also no longer enjoy sex with strangers because it's not as good.

 

 

[tashawoodfall]

3 hours ago, Feel Good said:

Are you looking to get deprivation needs met?

Be honest with yourself. 

Are you full as a person and looking for someone to expand your life?

Or are you needing something from these encounters?

Whatever you are doing you are putting out behaviours that try to fill in the gaps you have in your life. 

 

I don't think I no longer have deprivation issues.  I believe I am a full person and genuinely would like to have someone to share with.  I feel I'm ready at this time in my life - for the first time.

I'm no longer interested in having those encounters - I'd like a deeper connection and can get off by myself - it's not a need anymore sort of like pizza and chicken wings on a saturday night - is not a need.

 

[tashawoodfall]

3 hours ago, Feel Good said:

What would conscious sexuality look like?

Can you imagine a scenario of equality and wholeness and the meeting of minds?

If so, what will it take for you to get to that point? The point Maslow called "being" needs?  

Yes, this is what I desire.  

What it'll take is for me to spend time focusing on loving and understanding myself more.

[tashawoodfall]

3 hours ago, Feel Good said:

Your "approach"?

What's wrong with being yourself? 

Why an approach of sorts? 

Do you want to wade through the mud of unconscious suffering and manipulation in order to get deficiency wounds patched up, or do you want real love? 

I was talking to a friend about this earlier today.  I'm a planner...and perhaps too much into bettering myself/personal development/developing my tools in my toolbox.  It seems I need to let go and allow more.  My "approach" never comes from an ingenuine place.  It's tools to help oneself with accomplishing goals.  

I'm always myself.  No manipulation.  I'm coming from a place of - I can make great tacos lol

 

Edited July 30, 2018 by tashawoodfall

[tashawoodfall]

3 hours ago, Feel Good said:

You attract what you are.

Raise your vibration, fix your issues first. 

I'll always be on a path of self-actualization and right now the path for me is praising my assets and loving myself to become better, stronger.  I'm taking the more 'feminine' approach in this situation.

[tashawoodfall]

Had a great insight.  Words of affirmation is my love language.  I have an old post where I was trying to rationalize not having that intellectual connection with my now ex bf.  A great piece of knowledge moving forward.

[tashawoodfall]

@Feel Good Yes I sensed it and pretty much knew it.  I continued with the reasoning of what value does he bring and is that good enough for me and what are the chances I can get someone better.  Pros and cons sort of rationality.  

[tashawoodfall]

I didn't take a look at my values and analyze the situation rationally.  Since my 3rd highest value is honesty I should have known.  I was looking at what he brings to the table and what it's worth to me versus his downfalls.  Not related to my self-worth just learning lol.  Now I see I also have to look at my values when it comes to a relationship.

[tashawoodfall]

If you ask how someone who values honesty so much can go along with someone manipulating them the answer for me was because I saw through the manipulations and thought about his intentions.  I came from an understanding perspective.  I knew he wasn't very conscious and tried to work with it.  Again, i'm learning. 

[tashawoodfall]

I knew he was manipulative didn't know he had such a secret.  I didn't have intentions to improve him.

[tashawoodfall]

I didn't cash in the red flags.  Hmm.

[tashawoodfall]

1 minute ago, Feel Good said:

People only manipulate because they have something to hide, whether that be parts of themselves or their life, there isn't really much difference.

In what seems like a past life I have manipulated people in an attempt for them to think certain ways about me.  Manipulation I believe now - is just that.  It's an attempt to make someone believe you are someone you are not.  

6 minutes ago, Feel Good said:

How do you perceive manipulation now after this experience?

I sort of brushed it off before as a low consciousness behavior that isn't a big deal, thought "oh he just wants me to think he's __" but now I see it's a much bigger issue - an issue i'm not yet able to put into words.

7 minutes ago, Feel Good said:

Would you trust a manipulative person again?

It's a bad strategy.

[tashawoodfall]

Both my parents were manipulative in their own ways.  Father was an identity thief and I could go on and on about them both but not interested.  This is getting interesting.  

[tashawoodfall]

I don't feel much.  I've cut them out like you would cancer and gotten through the natural pains of that.  It's just mind-blowing it was carried out in what I allow from my other relationships.  I'm more fascinated to read back what I've written and see how it relates.  Fucking interesting.

[tashawoodfall]

This was 3 years ago and I have faced all the pain to where I don't feel love even when trying to -for them.  It feels good...free.  

I don't think it's an issue with them but with how I view love perhaps.

[tashawoodfall]

At peace with it.  Nothing negative or fear based so I guess you can say it's love then.

[tashawoodfall]

Hmmm....

There's a subtle don't care sort of feeling there.  So maybe you're right.

It may need more attention.  My need for love and belonging comes into play as well.  The monster is visibly out from under the bed. hmm

[kieranperez]

Read Byron Katie's book, "Loving What Is" and Brad Blanton's "Radical Honesty". 

Also, check Leo's 2-part video series on Moralizing. 

[tashawoodfall]

@Feel Good Although I'm glad I found some unresolved issues I'm thinking there is a paradigm shift to have here.  Below is a quote from Matt Kahn:

"This whole idea about the world reflects back unresolved things in you, old outdated paradigm.  There is a mirror teaching but the world is not a mirror of what is unresolved in you.  You are a mirror foreshadowing what the world is becoming in evolution. So there's a mirror but it's seen backwards in the beginning.  You walk around thinking how everyone acts is a mirror of what is unresolved in me.  The truth is that other people act out to show you how much they have on their plate, why they don't have enough time and attention to give you the love they can't give themselves.  You are reflecting to them what is already emerging in their spiritual evolution and you will be an embodiment of what others are becoming when you stop thinking that other people's behaviors are about you.  It's like an animal hissing at you in the jungle.  The question isn't why am I attracting an animal to hiss at me?  The reality is an animal is hissing at you because it's seeing you as a predator, an invader."

@kieranperez Thank you.

 

[tashawoodfall]

I've come to the conclusion that it's great I was able to dig up some unresolved issues within me but I also like the idea that in order to get to the next level of love...

Taking on the idea that not everything that happens is a reflection of something wrong with you is a better strategy.  

Also, not always seeking this perceived ideal of for example as a spiritual ego "I need to be happy and at peace at all times". But instead, be willing to be unloving at any time I want.

Ultimately everything even the bad feeling things is love-

To come from a more authentic place because the fear of "I'll be an immoral person who will hurt others if I allow myself to be unloving at any time" is just a fear

I think when someone is truly ready for this next level of love and lets that fear melt away - they'll be in a natural state -more loving.

Perhaps we are talking about the same thing just approaching it with a different set of beliefs - to accomplish the same goal.

Edited July 30, 2018 by tashawoodfall