Leos Breakup Advice

[tashawoodfall]

Found out my bf is not who I thought.  After feeling suspicious I asked to look at his phone and my suspicions were correct - he was cheating.  Even had a fake instagram account with a bunch of photos of women (their asses, boobs etc) on his timeline and his bio was "send me picture in my dm" I mean wow.  He even insulted my intelligence by telling me it was his friend who was using his phone to talk to these people.  Again wow.  

Leos advice is to find your own issues and to learn about men...I don't find this useful.  Any better advice?  I'm feeling miserable.

[ajasatya]

@tashawoodfall wisdom and virtues first. looks and wealth second.

that's the filter order that i recommend to any person that wants to find an interesting partner. but don't just apply the filter on others. apply it on you first!

also, notice that the thinnest part of the filter comes first.

[Natasha]

8 minutes ago, tashawoodfall said:

Leos advice is to find your own issues and to learn about men...

"Your own issues" would be -  pay attention to your filters. Judging another's behavior/being jealous and moralistic. He has the right to lie and cheat, whether you like it or not. Your right as a partner, though, is to draw the line or to decide to dump his tail altogether.

Leo's advice to "learn about men" would be - men are ego driven beings,  just like women are - insecurities, fears, different value systems, biology, survival mechanisms, etc. Look at things from a detached point of view and learn to fully accept your own shortcomings before you can accept shortcoming of others.

Hugs

[tashawoodfall]

@Natasha Thank you that helped. Hugs.

[ULFBERHT]

Dump his ass.

[aurum]

4 hours ago, tashawoodfall said:

Leos advice is to find your own issues and to learn about men...I don't find this useful.  Any better advice?  I'm feeling miserable.

Now might not be the time for this since the breakup is pretty fresh, but at some point I would sit down and ask yourself why you think this happened. There's always a lesson to be found.

Cheating is painful, but it's not random.

He might just be the kind of guy that cheats but you can't control his behavior. All you can really do is see if there's something you could have done to make a better situation.

 

[tashawoodfall]

 

12 hours ago, aurum said:

Now might not be the time for this since the breakup is pretty fresh, but at some point I would sit down and ask yourself why you think this happened. There's always a lesson to be found.

Cheating is painful, but it's not random.

He might just be the kind of guy that cheats but you can't control his behavior. All you can really do is see if there's something you could have done to make a better situation.

 

I don't find a correlation between his behaviors and me.  

 

8 hours ago, Feel Good said:

You must be communicating something that attracts low consciousness men into your life. 

Maybe I attract a bunch and just filtered through a "wrong" one.  I'll look into my filter...

[tashawoodfall]

When we first started seeing each other both of our intentions were only sexual.  Then feelings developed and we got into a relationship and at that point, I dropped contact with other partners and stayed loyal.  Obviously, he did not do the same. 

I had reasonable evidence to conclude that I could trust him, he was loyal and that he loved me.  

I can take responsibility for the fact that I got into a relationship that didn't start traditionally and can see that it's probably smarter to start my next relationship in a different way.  

 

1 hour ago, Feel Good said:

You attract what you are. Until you deal with your internal issues your world will continue to be the same.

 

 I know I am not the type of person that is dishonest with my partner and would do that.  I literally just cannot especially at that point in the relationship.  There's no internal issue there?  This is why I can't seem to understand where you are coming from.

 

[tashawoodfall]

Honesty/Authenticity is my 3rd highest value and I've personally decided to live always being honest.....

When it comes to dishonesty I don't think I have an internal issue there...

[tashawoodfall]

I think perhaps I'm a bit narcissist so maybe that's the correlating internal issue.

[tashawoodfall]

@Feel Good Thank you.

[SFRL]

16 minutes ago, tashawoodfall said:

When we first started seeing each other both of our intentions were only sexual.  Then feelings developed and we got into a relationship and at that point, I dropped contact with other partners and stayed loyal.  Obviously, he did not do the same. 

I had reasonable evidence to conclude that I could trust him, he was loyal and that he loved me.  

I can take responsibility for the fact that I got into a relationship that didn't start traditionally and can see that it's probably smarter to start my next relationship in a different way.  

 

 I know I am not the type of person that is dishonest with my partner and would do that.  I literally just cannot especially at that point in the relationship.  There's no internal issue there?  This is why I can't seem to understand where you are coming from.

 

So what you are saying is in the beginning of the relationship you were fucking other guys besides him? (Yeah I know he did too). 

A difference between men and women is: Men have a lot of pride, and women have very little.

I heard this saying: A man hopes he is his girlfriend's first great love, a woman hopes she is her boyfriend's last great love. 

That's not really realistic on men's side but it is what it is. 

So if you were involved with any guy in any shape, way, or form, (it doesn't even have to be sex per se) because a guy has so much pride that is extremely  humiliating for him. And that humility must be eradicated. By settling the (subjective) score. So he will bang as many girls as he has too and then some to feel like he is not on the losing end of the equation. 

I am just saying, I am trying to show you what I suspect his point of view on it probably is.

[tashawoodfall]

Yes, I was but we both made it clear in the beginning that we were just both interested in sex, exploring it with each other.  I was at the time using sex for internal issues I had, didn't know it and rationalized it as a self-actualization journey (learn more about sex, get better).

I can sort of see your point of view.  He did at one point become overprotective and jealous of me just talking to a guy so you might be right.

[SFRL]

10 minutes ago, tashawoodfall said:

Yes, I was but we both made it clear in the beginning that we were just both interested in sex, exploring it with each other.  I was at the time using sex for internal issues I had, didn't know it and rationalized it as a self-actualization journey (learn more about sex, get better).

I can sort of see your point of view.  He did at one point become overprotective and jealous of me just talking to a guy so you might be right.

I know I am right ?

I am not saying that you were right or wrong, or that he was right or wrong. I am just giving my educated guess on along which lines he might be thinking. (With a healthy dose of projection). 

Edited July 29, 2018 by SFRL

[tashawoodfall]

Ok so...In one of Leo's videos he mentions that we should keep our sexual abundance up to avoid neediness therefore attracting good catches...

That mixed in with the fact that I choose to be honest..

I'm mind fucked and not sure what to do on my next go around.

[SFRL]

11 minutes ago, tashawoodfall said:

Ok so...In one of Leo's videos he mentions that we should keep our sexual abundance up to avoid neediness therefore attracting good catches...

That mixed in with the fact that I choose to be honest..

I'm mind fucked and not sure what to do on my next go around.

That's mostly advice for guys. Guys we are not born with sexual abundance like hot women are. 

A woman who is hot like you, you go out tonight with a pretty little dress on and some make-up and you are going to get fucked by a guy who is atleast 8/10 attractive if you just make it a little bit easy for him. 100% guarantee that will happen. 

But let's say me, I am not a bad looking guy, and I got some game. But it's in no way a guaranteed that if I want to have sex tonight I will get it. Between 7-14 days from now, yeah I would say it is guaranteed. (Considering I have to go from scratch at this point in time.) But tonight? No way is that guaranteed. 

It's a very different thing. I think it's hard for both a guy and a girl to really walk in each other's shoes on that point. It's like Alien. 

Edited July 29, 2018 by SFRL

[tashawoodfall]

Answering my own question.  Same thing.. just choose a more conscious man this time. 

[tashawoodfall]

@SFRL Very interesting.  Something to think about.  I might need to change my approach.

[SFRL]

@tashawoodfall

Watch these

[tashawoodfall]

 

3 hours ago, Feel Good said:

How did you attract him? What behaviours were you conscious of? 

Was it a game like scenario?

Was it dishonest in that you both used manipulation and filtered your feelings somewhat to get to the next round of the dating game?

Did you use tits and ass as a tool to "snare" him?

I used my looks and bedroom skills to attract him but think my other assets like my goals/mindset/personality etc is why it went further.  In the beginning, it seems I had some sort of need for attention or perhaps stimulation.  

 

Behaviors I was conscious of - I used wine at times to feel more comfortable before sex with men I had no future with.   Contradicting beliefs about sex and love perhaps.

 

It wasn't game-like I feel I was completely myself.  I think he used manipulation but don't think I have...I didn't filter my feelings.