Need Help Reconnecting With My Life Purpose

[Marcell Kovacs]

Hi there,

About one and a half years ago I found out my life purpose, the most meaningful way in which I can have impact on the world. This actually happened without taking the Life Purpose Course from Leo, however I fell into the trap of setting myself wrong, improper and highly unrealistic expectations.

My life purpose involves practicing an instrument in a specific genre of music that I have been interested in ever since I was a child and I went into this whole practice thing with a huge ego thinking that I'm going to be able to make drastic changes in the first year and practicing 8 hours a day easily. I guess you could say I'm the "obsessive" if we take George Leonard's Mastery as an example.

Of course, I couldn't win the battle, my practice sessions became a living hell for me and I'm one and a half year into practicing my life purpose and I achieved much less than I would have if I didn't get into this with such a terrible plan. At one point I even thought I was probably pursuing the wrong life purpose, which lead me to take Leo's course, however I once again came to the realisation that I'm meant to do what I initially thought I was meant to do.

However something got me thinking. I spend a lot of time listening to interviews from people whom I'm inspired by in this field and they usually say they love practicing for 8 hours a day and say if you have to push yourself to start practicing, you're in the wrong field. Ever since they fell in love with this instrument, they have been HOOKED as a teenager playing video games.

This really hit home, because during the last year and a half I've been practicing, I never ONCE had a session, where I didn't have to push myself to start practicing. It would always be "Oh, man I have to practice today as well, just like every other day..." instead of "Fuck yes, can't wait to practice!" Leo always says that your life purpose needs to be something that makes you be excited to wake up in the morning to do, however in my case nothing could be further away from the truth.

Once, however I get myself to practice and I'm into it, often times, when I'm not on the plateau and I feel like I'm advancing, improving, obviously I'm feeling great and I'm motivated, however even then I have resistance towards practicing the very next day. The resistance is so deeply wired that I just can't seem to be able to let go of it and it comes back to bite me in the ass every single time.

Also, just last week I went to a place where I saw people doing what I'm practicing very close, live in front of me and that got me motivated more than ever to practice. It's as though there was a spiritual connection between what was happening and myself. I felt like that kid again, who got so interested in this specific genre of music back in the days. The next day I would wake up, and would still be motivated, I did start practicing, because the resistance was somewhat minimal at this point, but as days went by, it decreased again to the point where yesterday I couldn't get myself to practice for example, and I'm back in the spiral, I'm just slacking off and I'm feeling very relieved that I don't have to push myself again to start doing the whole nine yards.

Now, I know that in the Life Purpose Course Leo says that great art takes huge amounts of work and dealing with resistance and all that, however there's probably a fine line between pushing yourself through the resistance to practice while you're making your life a living suffering and being motivated to practice every single day for endless hours, like the master does and enjoying every single second of the plateau.

It's just too fucking fatiguing to ALWAYS have to push myself through this fucking unbelievable amounts of resistance to practice, I cannot imagine that these people, who's interviews I'm listening to always have to deal with this on a daily basis. I would be HAPPY to have a legitimate excuse not to practice during certain days, because of various reasons, however it should be the other way around. These people can't wait to spend X hours of their days doing what they do. It's psychologically impossible that these people are masters at their craft by having these kinds of thoughts and emotions in their bodies every single time when they want to start practicing.

So then the question(s) finally arise:

• How do I remove these improper expectations that I set for myself, and more importantly how do I let go of the resistance that came with them?
• Have I fucked up my expectations so much that at this point it's impossible to let go of them, so I better find a new Life Purpose?
• I was thinking of perhaps going cold turkey on practicing for a whole of two months, maybe that would help reconnecting with my initial passion. Would that work?

TL;DR: I set improper expectations regarding my life purpose and now I'm suffering for it. How do I reverse engineer it all and make my motives authentic again?

[St Clair]

Hey Marcell! 

I just read this post and it resonated quite strongly with me, because my situation is a little bit similar. I discovered my life purpose a year ago now - and playing an instrument / composing music was central to this purpose. I had just finished a hospitality management course and landed literally the dream job for any hospitality graduate. But my heart was deep in music and writing. So I quit that job and went to pursue music and writing this year, with the improper expectations that I could continue to make my living just from busking in the street, and building some online revenue. Financially, it has been a miserable failure, and my savings have been whittled down to the end. But, I don't mind, because I have had the freedom to practice practice practice!! 

And that was the original plan - to go absolute balls to the wall mastery mode on particularly my instrument. But actually, over the course of the half year that it's been, my energy steered much more in the direction of life mastery and consciousness work, as a direct result of this freedom. I mean, I'm not a professional musician yet - I'm still just a wee noob street busker! But in fact busking is a beautiful thing, and is already actualising my life purpose - because I'm there sharing my music to the street, and seeing my innate ability to bring smiles to people's faces unfold right before my very eyes. Regardless of my level of mastery on my instrument, I'm still able to do this. 

In music, the way I see it is that actually you are the instrument. Become a masterful human being first - an enlightened one - an instrument of the divine. And then every note you play will be imbued with so much heart it could melt a cheesecake. And it wouldn't even matter if you practiced for 20 minutes. 

So in response to all of your three questions: 

Take your current life purpose, and transcend it. Go back to the drawing board and review things you might not have considered regarding the true impact you want to have with your life. Likely you will have other dormant passions and interests - find a way to synthesise them all into a holistic life purpose that encompasses your entire being. And lastly, put more focus on consciousness work and life mastery in general. This is the real work, not the mastery or your instrument. I would say practice your instrument for 4 hours, and spend the other 4 hours doing a disciplined spiritual practice and other powerful habits like journalling, contemplation, reading, and studying. 

Find the underbelly of why you want to practice your instrument for 8 hours a day, and go there. 

I hope I could bring some light to your situation. All the best!

Edited July 28, 2018 by St Clair

[Marcell Kovacs]

21 minutes ago, St Clair said:

Hey Marcell! 

I just read this post and it resonated quite strongly with me, because my situation is a little bit similar. I discovered my life purpose a year ago now - and playing an instrument / composing music was central to this purpose. I had just finished a hospitality management course and landed literally the dream job for any hospitality graduate. But my heart was deep in music and writing. So I quit that job and went to pursue music and writing this year, with the improper expectations that I could continue to make my living just from busking in the street, and building some online revenue. Financially, it has been a miserable failure, and my savings have been whittled down to the end. But, I don't mind, because I have had the freedom to practice practice practice!! 

And that was the original plan - to go absolute balls to the wall mastery mode on particularly my instrument. But actually, over the course of the half year that it's been, my energy steered much more in the direction of life mastery and consciousness work, as a direct result of this freedom. I mean, I'm not a professional musician yet - I'm still just a wee noob street busker! But in fact busking is a beautiful thing, and is already actualising my life purpose - because I'm there sharing my music to the street, and seeing my innate ability to bring smiles to people's faces unfold right before my very eyes. Regardless of my level of mastery on my instrument, I'm still able to do this. 

In music, the way I see it is that actually you are the instrument. Become a masterful human being first - an enlightened one - an instrument of the divine. And then every note you play will be imbued with so much heart it could melt a cheesecake. And it wouldn't even matter if you practiced for 20 minutes. 

So in response to all of your three questions: 

Take your current life purpose, and transcend it. Go back to the drawing board and review things you might not have considered regarding the true impact you want to have with your life. Likely you will have other dormant passions and interests - find a way to synthesise them all into a holistic life purpose that encompasses your entire being. And lastly, put more focus on consciousness work and life mastery in general. This is the real work, not the mastery or your instrument. I would say practice your instrument for 4 hours, and spend the other 4 hours doing a disciplined spiritual practice and other powerful habits like journalling, contemplation, reading, and studying. 

Find the underbelly of why you want to practice your instrument for 8 hours a day, and go there. 

I hope I could bring some light to your situation. All the best!

Thanks for the help, I'll definitely take what you said into consideration!

[Nahm]

@Marcell Kovacs

Took me years to learn Caprice 24, and in that time I did this same thing. Reverse this by reversing your priorities. You’ve sucked the life out of your life purpose and now you’re talking like a serious person, not a person who is living their dream, reveling - not a person who knows their life purpose. You gotta un-serious yourself.  How you feel is paramount to anything you attempt to do. It’s just so second nature and close to home that we miss it.

Do ‘you’ flavors of fun stuff. That fun-you-spirit is the floodgate for inspiration. 

 

Recontextualize resistance. It’s not about the practicing & pushing yourself through, that physical perspective will wear on your mind & body.

It’s a now-thoughts game. Be willing to be aware of your resistant thoughts when they arise and choose a better, but true to you,  perspective. Master the simple art of looking at things better, infinitely. All things. Meditation every morning slows all this down and creates space between awareness and thoughts, making your identity clear, and delivering that consistent flow zone you really want in the physical.

[aurum]

@Marcell Kovacs

20 hours ago, Marcell Kovacs said:

However something got me thinking. I spend a lot of time listening to interviews from people whom I'm inspired by in this field and they usually say they love practicing for 8 hours a day and say if you have to push yourself to start practicing, you're in the wrong field. Ever since they fell in love with this instrument, they have been HOOKED as a teenager playing video games.

Yeah I don't believe that for a second.

No one is motivated 24/7. There are some days where it's just not there.

I would read a book called Turning Pro by Steve Pressfield.

5 second summary: there are amateurs and professionals. Amateurs show up when they "feel like it". Professionals show up no matter what.

I'm not saying you might not have to make some changes. But I would also readjust your expectations for your motivation levels.

I can tell you right now, every single day I don't particularly "feel" like doing many of the things I do. I would be a lot easier to just sit in my bed and scroll Instagram. But I do it anyway.

[Toby]

Do yourself a favour and buy Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" and read the last two chapters.