Feeling as if im dreaming

[Delmo]

I feel like I'm in a deep dream but aware of it as just "Reality", and i dont want it to end , i dont want to sleep agien afraid of losing this state,  but at the same time the moments feels like eternity that id never lose.

Have been so long since i felt so alive. Its like i have been in a deep dream for half a year, and now im fainly aware of the dream,  I dont know how to discribe it, but i do know i'm having tears in my eyes while im writing this. I just feel love and want to give love. I dont know what to do with it, but as the same time i dont want to do anything with it, just enjoy the moments .

[Sashaj]

Sound like some kind of awakening experience or mania. Hopefully the first one!

[Delmo]

I have been following actualized.org for 2-3 years by now. Watched every weeks video so far. I did try meditation and self-reflection. I took it seriously but didn't had the discipline for a meditation habit. So I did it loosely when I felt like it. 

I had experienced that state before, like everything looks so beautiful and it's like I'm floating around a magical world. After i experienced it a few times. I had a big egobackslash that Leo talks about. Where I went back to my gaming addiction for a few months. 

Now that gaming didn't felt appalling anymore. I went back and watched self-deception part 1. While I was watching it I did some self reflection on the stuff Leo talked about. While doing it I got into that state. 

I don't know if it was some awakening experience or am just deluding myself. I didn't lose the "I" completely, but sense of self felt very "loosely".

However it might have been mania, all I know now is that it felt awesome and i'd love to go back to that state of being. 

I'll leave this post as a reference for my future self or others who might have found it useful. 

Edited July 27, 2018 by Delmo

[DesertRat]

When you feel those magnificent, blissful tears, try this....

Close your eyes and let that feeling of love well up in your chest until it feels like you’ll burst.  Wait just a bit longer......now let it flow out, all in one big whoosh.   But, don’t aim.

I call em love bombs, and I have faith that they do hit.

[DesertRat]

@Delmo now that you’re aware of that awareness, spend a bunch of time in stillness/meditation/whateveryoucallit, it may come back quicker than you think.

Many tiny moments of latching on to “it” (you) has the potential to you experiencing it 24/7, no?

[Delmo]

@DesertRat okay, I got it. You are saying I'm deluding myself.

Thanks for your concern

[DesertRat]

@Delmo I said you’ve found the truth, mate!

Edited July 27, 2018 by DesertRat

[DesertRat]

You’re awakening from the delusion, the dream that you don’t realize is happening.

[Delmo]

40 minutes ago, DesertRat said:

Close your eyes and let that feeling of love well up in your chest until it feels like you’ll burst.  Wait just a bit longer......now let it flow out, all in one big whoosh.   But, don’t aim.

I call em love bombs, and I have faith that they do hit.

Here have some love bombs <3 <3 <3 <3 

[WelcometoReality]

22 hours ago, Delmo said:

I feel like I'm in a deep dream but aware of it as just "Reality", and i dont want it to end , i dont want to sleep agien afraid of losing this state,  but at the same time the moments feels like eternity that id never lose.

Have been so long since i felt so alive. Its like i have been in a deep dream for half a year, and now im fainly aware of the dream,  I dont know how to discribe it, but i do know i'm having tears in my eyes while im writing this. I just feel love and want to give love. I dont know what to do with it, but as the same time i dont want to do anything with it, just enjoy the moments .

Sound to me like an awakening of the heart. Makes life feel dreamlike. Is there a feeling of one? Like the observer and observed has merged together?

[Delmo]

@WelcometoReality yes, I couldn't distinguish from the object around me and myself.

Felt very connected with everything, the air, the ground, all physical object and feelings. But I didn't totally lose the sense of self, but felt like that is what I ultimately wanted, to emerge with the ones. 

It felt like I could connect even deeper with everything, and that exprince was just the beginning.

I don't know anything about heart awakening, i believe it relaits to chakras, but I'll look into it. 

Edited July 27, 2018 by Delmo

[WelcometoReality]

@Delmo This video explains it

 

[WelcometoReality]

@Delmo That was the wrong video.

 

[Blissout]

Nice experience man. Be aware of awareness itself and see if it deepens. It has to.

[Delmo]

3 hours ago, WelcometoReality said:

@Delmo That was the wrong video.

 

I can resonate with that. I do also believe I had the mind awakening at first, and after a few of those experience had the awakning heart. It wasent total awakening, it lasted from a few hours to a few days. 

Now I'm also concerned of the delucian, that I might have been just deluding myself to believe that I had some mystical experience, that was my thought when I was experiencing the heart awakening. But at the same time everything felt "too real" that even my sensation where involved.

I was also aware of the ego defence mechanism that leo talks about, that it might have been just the ego trying to take back the controll for itself. 

I'm guessing that I'd need alot of contemplation to try and see if I was deluded or not. Now I think about it, it sounds very complex thing to do.

Anyway, thanks for sharing the video! It was enlightening. 

Edited July 28, 2018 by Delmo

[WelcometoReality]

3 hours ago, Delmo said:

Now I'm also concerned of the delucian, that I might have been just deluding myself to believe that I had some mystical experience, that was my thought when I was experiencing the heart awakening. But at the same time everything felt "too real" that even my sensation where involved.

I was also aware of the ego defence mechanism that leo talks about, that it might have been just the ego trying to take back the controll for itself.

That is definetly a trap. Isn't it just a thought?

 

3 hours ago, Delmo said:

I can resonate with that. I do also believe I had the mind awakening at first, and after a few of those experience had the awakning heart. It wasent total awakening, it lasted from a few hours to a few days. 

Start integrating those experiences if you want to go deeper.