Fear of homosexuality

[Viking]

Im male, probably a heterosexual, but there is a resistance/fear in me for the possibility of being gay or bisexual. It probably comes from my father telling me from my early childhood that he will reject me if I would be gay.

I masturbate to heterosexual porn, I feel desire for women. Im generally not attracted to men, but penises in porn turn me on, though usually with a woman.

if once in a while ill have a weird feeling when thinking about a man I start to reject it automatically. I even start to test myself if I feel any feelings when imagining kissing a man. The thing is that weird feeling doesnt even have to be sexually related, it can be love for a friend, but im afraid it *might* be gay.

Obviously when I notice myself doing this I let it go, say to myself ill accept myself however I may be, but that automatic response and self sabotage continues. ill keep trying to rationalize "its probably not gay" because i still fear it might be.

How do I deal with this?

[egoeimai]

Gay people are cool. Even better than heterosexual ppl.

Even if you are,we still love you.❤

I think you should try it so you won't doubt yourself,and be sure.

?

[Viking]

1 minute ago, egoeimai said:

I think you should try it so you won't doubt yourself,and be sure.

well, i didnt try it with women even, and as i said i dont feel any desire to be with a man, but the fear is there.

[egoeimai]

1 minute ago, Viking said:

well, i didnt try it with women even, and as i said i dont feel any desire to be with a man, but the fear is there.

AIright then you need to experience some stuff then to decide. 

Its okay I'm not judging you.

Having a fear doesn't mean its true. In fact fear is unreal. And so try both women and men.

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Viking said:

Im male, probably a heterosexual, but there is a resistance/fear in me for the possibility of being gay or bisexual. It probably comes from my father telling me from my early childhood that he will reject me if I would be gay.

I masturbate to heterosexual porn, I feel desire for women. Im generally not attracted to men, but penises in porn turn me on, though usually with a woman.

if once in a while ill have a weird feeling when thinking about a man I start to reject it automatically. I even start to test myself if I feel any feelings when imagining kissing a man. The thing is that weird feeling doesnt even have to be sexually related, it can be love for a friend, but im afraid it *might* be gay.

Obviously when I notice myself doing this I let it go, say to myself ill accept myself however I may be, but that automatic response and self sabotage continues. ill keep trying to rationalize "its probably not gay" because i still fear it might be.

How do I deal with this?

I recommend NOT avoiding the thoughts and emotions related to men. So, if you feel afraid that you might be bi-sexual just let the feelings hit you. Your dad might judge you, but you don't have to judge yourself. Just let yourself experience whatever is trying to happen. 

[ajasatya]

@Viking every man is man and woman. every woman is woman and man.

it's very easy to answer your question. do you imagine yourself having sexual relationships with other men? you don't have to answer me.

[Gabriel Antonio]

4 hours ago, egoeimai said:

AIright then you need to experience some stuff then to decide. 

I agree. Masturbation is very different from real sex. 

Edited July 27, 2018 by Gabriel Antonio

[Viking]

thank you

[JohnIsDoe]

My friend also had doubts so he found a gay guy at a lit party and started making out to see if he liked it or not. Try little things

[Consept]

Don't get confused with the fear and desire. So it's natural that if you're hetro (which I think you are from your post) you still might think 'that guys attractive', but because a fear of even thinking that has been built up by your dad let's say, it makes you more aware of these thoughts and fearful of them. 

The worst thing you can do is try and suppress them or argue with them. Literally do nothing about them, the more you build them up the more they'll feel real. There's a condition called hocd where you obsess about whether you're gay (or can also be obsess over whether you're straight if you're gay), I don't think you have that but that's an extreme version that can develop.

Also if you don't really have a desire to, do not test yourself by having a gay experience. Everyone's advice is well intentioned on here but if it's a fear based thing and you go and do that, it could be something that you constantly try and work out if you liked it or not. It will not give you certainty, there is no way to get certainty and you have to accept that. 

If naturally you get attracted to guys that's cool, something might happen but I honestly don't think you are gay from your post, so your solution will be to work on accrpting your thoughts more 

 

[SFRL]

On 7/26/2018 at 4:59 PM, Viking said:

Im male, probably a heterosexual, but there is a resistance/fear in me for the possibility of being gay or bisexual. It probably comes from my father telling me from my early childhood that he will reject me if I would be gay.

I masturbate to heterosexual porn, I feel desire for women. Im generally not attracted to men, but penises in porn turn me on, though usually with a woman.

if once in a while ill have a weird feeling when thinking about a man I start to reject it automatically. I even start to test myself if I feel any feelings when imagining kissing a man. The thing is that weird feeling doesnt even have to be sexually related, it can be love for a friend, but im afraid it *might* be gay.

Obviously when I notice myself doing this I let it go, say to myself ill accept myself however I may be, but that automatic response and self sabotage continues. ill keep trying to rationalize "its probably not gay" because i still fear it might be.

How do I deal with this?

Looking at your profile pic I would be very concerned ?

I often sleep in the same room with dudes that are gay. 

Some are black AND gay. And I am a straight white male.

I am pretty much the anti-racist and I believe gays should have all the rights so that is my disclaimer. 

I don't think you are gay. 

But dude you need to stop making these shit threads. 

"How do I get girls?"

Well fuck dude ever heard of RSD? How many times have we discussed this topic? As long as I have been on the forum that's for sure. And before that. We have made many many many threads on these topics, where to find the materials, etc. 

You got to grab your nuts and start getting some girls. I am starting to doubt you even really want it. Because if you really wanted it you would find a way. 

Sorry for being a dick, but it is what it is man. Download Tinder or something and start swiping. Then match with some girls start AND THEN ask us what you should be doing. "I already tried that" SHUT UP. Start swiping. And then I will be happy to share all my text game with you.

[SFRL]

BTW if you are actually trying to tell us you are gay that is cool too. Then just come out of the closet already. It's 2018 rainbows everywhere.

[Psyche_92]

On 26-7-2018 at 10:59 PM, Viking said:

I masturbate to heterosexual porn, I feel desire for women.

Is there a slight chance of you being addicted to porn? It can mess with your preferences/fantasies up to a point where you might become "bored" of the opposite sex, which creates these thoughts and ideas of being gay. I'm talking from first person experience here. I've had hocd (Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in the past, and it cured itself by leaving porn and excessive masturbation behind me. And even if you're not addicted, it could still be the cause.

Edited July 28, 2018 by Psyche_92

[merimo28]

Viking there is no reason for fear, you can experiment with other males so you will know for sure are you homomosexual, bisexual or hetero.

[moon777light]

most people are at least a *little* bisexual. i forgot who did this, but there was a study where they took bunch of heterosexual people and then made them look at porn pictures and porn videos of that persons gender. A majority of the heterosexual people experienced arousal. But arousal is different than actually being in a relationship and having crushes. So despite being aroused, most of these people still cant imagine having a relationship with the same sex as them or experienced crushes. If you are gay, you would FOR SURE know it by now, no questions asked. This arousal you experience is totally normal for straight ppl. As emerald said, explore these feelings, and dont supress anything. 

also what @Psyche_92 said is very true too. 

Edited August 4, 2018 by moon777light

[martins name]

Have some humor about it.

[Viking]

26 minutes ago, moon777light said:

most people are at least a *little* bisexual. i forgot who did this, but there was a study where they took bunch of heterosexual people and then made them look at porn pictures and porn videos of that persons gender. A majority of the heterosexual people experienced arousal. But arousal is different than actually being in a relationship and having crushes. So despite being aroused, most of these people still cant imagine having a relationship with the same sex as them or experienced crushes. If you are gay, you would FOR SURE know it by now, no questions asked. This arousal you experience is totally normal for straight ppl. As emerald said, explore these feelings, and dont supress anything. 

also what @Psyche_92 said is very true too. 

Thanks, that makes sense. and im definitely addicted to porn and dont want to quit because my life lacks excitement.

I think the problem is self-esteem, I see myself as a nice guy beta male that's weak and cant do anything productive. Though sometimes, depends on the situation I see myself as a hyper alpha, smart, wise, very social (I am sometimes very social in certain situations and sometimes very shy and anxious)

gotta fix that

[non_nothing]

@Viking go reddit/r/nofap

[Light Lover]

@Viking this is one of the BEST questions that I have seen for a LONG time on this forum (IMO) Great for someone to finally be addressing this!  Sexuality is such a vast, deep and interesting topic and homosexuality is rarely mentioned on the forum! OK, so I would say 3 things 1: it COULD be OCD as @Consept said, I would know as I used to have extreme terror and panic sometimes whereby I was doubting that I was straight and had no control over turning gay if I kept thinking about it and that the worrying thoughts in itself would change my sexuality (this was before mindfulness rid me of this horrible curse), if this is the case then to put it simply you have NOTHING to worry about, it is impossible to change your sexuality through thoughts or even through actions, there may be people of the same sex that you find deeply attractive and this transcends the boundaries of gender, but this in itself is not going to change deeply and genetically what is natural for you, whether it be straight or gay Trust me on that.

2: I think that you are straight yes, but maybe with slight bisexual tendencies that sometimes boil to the surface and you resist them, I don't think it is OCD or fear of your father's rejection personally, they are lots and lots of tests that you can do for yourself but you have to be honest and open about it, questions like, would you make out with someone of your own sex if you found them very attractive etc....tons of these questions to help reveal if your thoughts are just fear or are legitimate.

3: Your dad doesn't have to know about your sexuality or sexual tendencies if you do have some homosexual ones, I would never discuss personal things like that with any of my family unless it was an emergency. P.S I am straight but have bisexual tendencies and urges just so you know (find some men attractive, would be willing to experiment with some friends, watching male on male caressing can turn me on sometimes), and it never even crosses my mind, I don't even need to accept it, it causes me 0 anxiety totally, because for me this feels normal and healthy, I don't think it it possible for someone to be 100% straight with 0 desire at all for any sort of same sex activity ever, I have fantasies thinking about my friends and alot of people admit to that, both men and women! I watch straight porn as well only, don't like lesbian or gay porn, straight porn turns me on because I feel like I am pretending to be the man, you know? Maybe that is the same for you, most men I know watch different types of porn as well, mostly lesbian but yeah, I have always found lesbian porn to be boring.

If this persists I would recommend trying out something with a guy possibly. Doesn't have to be sex, just maybe some touching and stuff, see if you like it? Everyone else on here seems to recommend this as well, maybe it could put this demon at rest at last.  Although I for one would recommend doing this as a last resort as you may regret it and feel it was a silly thing to do as you already knew you were straight etc and might feel like it was an avenue that didn't need exploring. Also if you are bisexual or gay then of course that is great as well, no problem at all It's all good. That is my whole view on the thing, just my perspective!

[Joseph Maynor]

As a heterosexual male I never find a need to be homophobic.  Sexuality is totally irrelevant to me.  It's people who are uncertain about their sexuality that tend to raise the issue of sexuality in my experience.  It's the Shadow.  People introducing gay stuff in their humor is a huge tip off and red flag.  Sometimes I'll get off-put by seeing a transgender person, but I think that has to do with the fact that I hate myself for not being that comfortable with my own body as they are with theirs.  Anyway, that's a long conversation -- but it's not their sexuality that I'm reacting against.  It's their openness with their body that triggers me.  But see, that's my issue not their issue.  That's my cowardice with not being as accepting of my body as they are theirs, see.  They're not hiding anything, and that triggers me.  And they don't give a sh*t about what anybody else things about it either.  I secretly envy their courage and self-acceptance.  And I secretly hate myself for not being as accepting of myself the way they are.

Edited August 17, 2018 by Joseph Maynor