Strange personality experience

[Athena]

A month ago I attended a wedding. Both bride and groom and guests are considered elites, so you know the type of snobby energy.

A little background on me, I have chronic self esteem issues and social anxiety. I have been working on myself and this was the first major outing since I started working on myself. 

The night before the wedding I met everyone ( never met the couple, husbands friends). I was on my A game, it was almost like I was high. I felt on top of the world. I was articulate and so calm. I was so confident. Everybody came up to speak to me at some point, they treated me like I was somebody with so much respect. I truly had a blast. I felt like this was how I was meant to feel in social situations. 

The next day was sooo different. I caught a glimpse of the bride distraught and my mood changed drastically. I reverted to my insecure self. The distance between the guests and I was palpable, a total opposite from the night before. One jerk even had the nerve to say something disrespectful to me, had it been the night before I would have put him in his place actually he wouldn't have dared but I just shriveled. 

This solidified the realization that I was/am my own problem.  Is this normal during this process or is it some split personality stuff going on? Why did the bride affect me so much?

I want to be that fun confident person all the time. I feel a bit relieved knowing it is possible for me to be that person. 

Edited July 26, 2018 by Athena

[tsuki]

12 minutes ago, Athena said:

This solidified the realization that I was/am my own problem.  Is this normal during this process or is it some split personality stuff going on?

Normal is not a very helpful word here. Most people have no idea of what you are talking about.
You are growing. The question is: what is the root cause of all problems (including the problem of you being the problem)?

[Athena]

7 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Normal is not a very helpful word here. Most people have no idea of what you are talking about.
You are growing. The question is: what is the root cause of all problems (including the problem of you being the problem)?

Narcissistic mom, bullying, no father figure and bunch of others. I have been meditating and plan on doing some holotrophic breathing for a year. I also plan on really getting myself out there socially. 

[tsuki]

23 minutes ago, tsuki said:

The question is: what is the root cause of all problems (including the problem of you being the problem)?

@Athena Let me ask this question in a different way: what would have to happen if there would have to be no more problems in the world?
Since you missed what I was asking once, here is a hint:

11 minutes ago, Athena said:

Narcissistic mom, bullying, no father figure and bunch of others.

That is pointing fingers at others. Haven't you realized that you are the problem?
Realize that I am not pointing a finger at you and blaming you (like you did with others just now).
You are a problem. What does it mean? How does it relate to my questions?

Edited July 26, 2018 by tsuki

[Athena]

5 hours ago, tsuki said:

@Athena Let me ask this question in a different way: what would have to happen if there would have to be no more problems in the world?
Since you missed what I was asking once, here is a hint:

That is pointing fingers at others. Haven't you realized that you are the problem?
Realize that I am not pointing a finger at you and blaming you (like you did with others just now).
You are a problem. What does it mean? How does it relate to my questions?

I thought u asked the root of the problem. I admitted I was the problem and listed steps to overcome my issues. I certainly refuse to be a victim. 

It all boils down to my thinking. 

 

[tsuki]

3 minutes ago, Athena said:

I thought u asked the root of the problem.

@Athena I did! You realized that you are the problem, but the root of your problem are not other people.

3 minutes ago, Athena said:

It all boils down to my thinking. 

Very good!
What is a problem? What is any problem?
What does any problem have to do with you?

[SpyAquamarine]

9 hours ago, Athena said:

Why did the bride affect me so much?

Because the bride being distraught reminded you of your own distress that you expect yourself to feel in social situations. If even the bride is stressed on her special day, who are you to feel confident, happy and on the top of the world? (says your mind)

Self love and self acceptance is the key. Don't worry about what other people think about you, they don't matter at all. You do.

Edited July 26, 2018 by SpyAquamarine

[YaNanNallari]

There can be other things that affect you as well