Feeling pretty down...

[zoey101]

I just got into a fight with my husband over text message today and I am feeling pretty lousy... I feel like I just don't understand him anymore and like he doesn't understand me... We got into a fight this past weekend and I thought we were making good progress because he finally let me talk and tell him things I couldn't before because he would always cut me off... I told him that I have had anxiety towards sex and intimacy for a while now and don't know why... so he said we could work at it and he would try to be understanding... He said he knew it would be tough to work on it this week because I am doing VBS (Vacation Bible School) with my Church Sun-Thurs after work and Physical Therapy (Mon, Wed).

So I got home last night from the VBS pretty tired and ready to take a shower, eat and pass out and he got all sad because I wanted to take a shower when we didn't get to see each other all day. So I just skipped it and hung out with him, despite how gross I felt... He asked if we were going to have sex and I didn't really feel into it because I felt gross, but I said "Sure, we can" but he got all moody and said "never mind"...

So this morning he was still acting all moody and I KNEW it was because of the sex situation from the night before... So I tried to act cool and still make the morning nice and I dropped him off at work.. When I texted him and asked him how things were he said "Not Great" so I asked what's wrong and he said:

"Nothing is wrong. I am incredibly unhappy, for no reason whatsoever.
So don't waste your time worrying."

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT?!?!? I didn't want to start another fight so I just said "do you wanna quit texting?" and he said "Will it matter to you if I do? Or will I have to keep pretending that the way you ignore me doesn't hurt at all?" Of course that set me off because I felt like I was doing the complete opposite of ignoring him by skipping a MUCH NEEDED shower because he wanted to be clingy! 

I don't know what I am supposed to do with this you guys... It's to the point that I feel like he isn't going to be happy unless I am waiting for him in bed everyday... He knew I was tired and I still tried to be into it... but he keeps saying that I am "ignoring" him and "invalidating" him.. It's been 4 DAYS since I admitted to him my sexual anxiety... THAT WAS REALLY HARD AND SCARY FOR ME!!! I was scared it could end our relationship...

I thought we reached some point of a little understanding, but this makes me feel like he just said "we'll work on it" just to pay me lip service and went right back to the way things were...

I don't know what to do with this you guys... I am trying... but he's not taking into consideration how tiring and stressful this week is for me...

[egoeimai]

He just thinks you are responsible for his feelings,that's a huge mistake,people are taught to believe it though. 

Show him that that's not the case. 

That is his job to make himself happy. And you're allowed to say no to whatever you don't feel like doing.

Normal stuff.

Also,it seems he lacks attention from you and he desires it. That's not bad unless it gets tiring. There are other ways too to give him your attention that he needs right now.

 

[zoey101]

13 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

He just thinks you are responsible for his feelings,that's a huge mistake,people are taught to believe it though. 

Show him that that's not the case. 

That is his job to make himself happy. And you're allowed to say no to whatever you don't feel like doing.

Normal stuff.

Also,it seems he lacks attention from you and he desires it. That's not bad unless it gets tiring. There are other ways too to give him your attention that he needs right now.

 

I agree.... but how could I possibly explain this to him without him getting all defensive and going straight to "you just don't care about my happiness"... Of course I care! I am his wife... the mother of his daughter... I want us all to be happy together... 

[egoeimai]

6 minutes ago, zoey101 said:

I agree.... but how could I possibly explain this to him without him getting all defensive and going straight to "you just don't care about my happiness"... Of course I care! I am his wife... the mother of his daughter... I want us all to be happy together... 

I know what youre talking about.

In these situations,literally,you gotta say in each and every sentence,"but I do care and love you..." 

Some people can't see their own greatness so you gotta show them,even they get defensive and moody. I know,its kinda tiring (and not your job) ,but you can at least try a bit to show him the light,if you think its worth it. ❤

[zoey101]

6 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

I know what youre talking about.

In these situations,literally,you gotta say in each and every sentence,"but I do care and love you..." 

Some people can't see their own greatness so you gotta show them,even they get defensive and moody. I know,its kinda tiring (and not your job) ,but you can at least try a bit to show him the light,if you think its worth it. ❤

I feel like all I do is try.. but if it's not sex it's not enough... I am trying to get over my issues but it isn't something that is just going to magically go away overnight... I've ALWAYS felt insecure and uncomfortable with sex... Not to say I don't enjoy it... I just don't like the build up to it and how much pressure it feels like there is to do it...

[egoeimai]

4 minutes ago, zoey101 said:

I feel like all I do is try.. but if it's not sex it's not enough... I am trying to get over my issues but it isn't something that is just going to magically go away overnight... I've ALWAYS felt insecure and uncomfortable with sex... Not to say I don't enjoy it... I just don't like the build up to it and how much pressure it feels like there is to do it...

So do you want to quit trying? You can also do that girl,no shame! 

As for sex,youre allowed to not like it,okay? If he learn to respect that you'll be okay.

You both gotta sit down and have a conversation,like other situations I know about you and him,every one ends in the same field. Just sit down and talk. 

[Athena]

I've read many of your threads. 

Life is too short. 

I think you know what to do.

Watch Teals incompatibility video

[zoey101]

@egoeimai @Athena Thank you guys... We got up today and I guess things are "okay"... neither of us brought it up... I'm just trying not to feel so depressed again... I worked so hard to snap out of it before and now it feels like it's all undone.... I feel like such a fuck up... it's just sex.. and we are married... been together 10 years... I don't know what's wrong with me... 

[egoeimai]

46 minutes ago, zoey101 said:

@egoeimai @Athena Thank you guys... We got up today and I guess things are "okay"... neither of us brought it up... I'm just trying not to feel so depressed again... I worked so hard to snap out of it before and now it feels like it's all undone.... I feel like such a fuck up... it's just sex.. and we are married... been together 10 years... I don't know what's wrong with me... 

I dont know exactly what to offer. The thing is overcomplicated in your mind- it seems like you're contradicting yourself. You need to calm yo tits a bit,sis. Chill,and refocus! I assure you, you'll then have clear mind. ❤

Message me anytime. Or we can video chat. ?

[zoey101]

9 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

I dont know exactly what to offer. The thing is overcomplicated in your mind- it seems like you're contradicting yourself. You need to calm yo tits a bit,sis. Chill,and refocus! I assure you, you'll then have clear mind. ❤

Message me anytime. Or we can video chat. ?

Thank you... Maybe you're right.. I'll just try to not think about it for now and just try to calm down. Man I hate it when I get thrown off my rhythm..