Understanding relationships

[NoSelfSelf]

In Vision for self actualized life one part is having great relationship that is really rare today ,so how to have one i see it its really complex but i believe its possible to have one,so what are the parts that enligtened you on this topic mybe some big mistakes you corrected thoughts?

[Leo-Tzu]

It depends what you call a great relationship, its like an ego thing where both must work like crazy to keep it alive. I personally dont need one, i think if two people love each other deeply unconditionally you dont have to be in a great relationship where you need to confirm it all the time by playing social games

[NoSelfSelf]

@Leo-Tzu Yes true if there are two people who love eachother unconditionaly then its a great relationship....

[Prabhaker]

On 7/25/2018 at 11:41 PM, NoSelfSelf said:

i believe its possible to have one

Two persons can be very loving together. The more loving they are, the more freedom exists between them. The more loving they are, the less is the possibility of any demand, any domination, any expectation. And naturally, there is no question of any frustration.

[DavidBorja]

I'm certainly not an expert, but I think some solid ideas I try to live by in my relationship are:

• You can't control someone and love them at the same time.
• Two incomplete people do not make ONE complete relationship; both people need to have their own sense of completeness.

I don't know if those statements need further explaining, but I'll try.

On the point of control, you need to be ready to fully accept a person. If that means you like 80% of them, and are bothered by 20% of them, you have to learn to live with that 20% and love the crap out of that 80%. You do not make it your job to try to 'fix' that 20%. You accept that person is human, will make mistakes, and will change of their own accord when you're together.

For me, love is that slow releasing of ideas of what my 'ideals' are, and embracing what reality is presenting to me.

It's way easier said than done.

As far as completeness, I don't mean that you have to have 100% of your life figured out, with all of your needs and goals met. I just mean that you need to have a sense of what you would be doing if you weren't in the relationship. Do you have other areas in your life that you find meaningful? Career, sure. But also interests, hobbies, friends, things you're learning about, relaxation, etc? If you don't have things going on outside of your intimate relationship, you'll stagnate, get clingy, and you and/or your partner will get resentful. It's bad news.

Those two are the first that come to mind, hope they help in some way.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Prabhaker That would be great if relationships are simple women are looking for challenge thats make a problem with only loving @DavidBorja good points i agree on them 

[YaNanNallari]

I think it's important to have our relationships as not something permanent and fancy, but rather as a learning experience, sharing and stuff like that. Then it will be a lot easier to find good things about your relationships and have more "meaningful" ones. Not to say that you should treat other people as just tools

[Nahm]

@NoSelfSelf It’s simple but not easy. People THINK they want something from another. All everyone wants is more consciousness. 

The happiest couples are simply supporting eachother’s actualization.

[Paulus Amadeus]

@Nahm ah, nice way to think about it . 

[NoSelfSelf]

@YaNanNallari so no attachment and not caring if it works out if it works out great if it doesnt great...@Nahm now lets find someone who values this things in your city tough

[Nahm]

@Paulus Amadeus Thanks.  It’s a really beautiful way to go about it, imo. 

[Nahm]

18 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@YaNanNallari so no attachment and not caring if it works out if it works out great if it doesnt great...@Nahm now lets find someone who values this things in your city tough

There isn’t anyone who doesn’t value their own consciousness, and the development of it, just that most people don’t see.