thoughts on relationships in your 20s ?

[Viking]

I watched that video 

and I kind of have to say that I agree on some level.

I was never in a relationship but I would imagine it takes a shitload of emotional energy. Going after the life purpose, contributing to society, getting enlightened, getting wisdom is much more important than having a relationship.

I guess the ideal approach is to have casual sex at the start as long as it develops me, because i never had sex, and not to be in a relationship. Maybe date in order to get experience but not to go too far. At age 30+ to search for a partner and to start developing a deep connection.

For women it is for sure different, but for men, as said in the video and as ive seen in other places his sexual value maximizes near 40.

It also makes sense because if I would date a woman, she would be minimum 18. I dont want to have kids until 30-35, because I wouldnt be able to finance it and it would hinder my personal development. That means that the woman would have to date me until I was about 30, but ideally a woman would have kids at around 25-30, because of her biology. If I would date a girl my age she could potentially waste all of her young years with me if we would break up at the end. that would mean that after the break up, say at around age 30, she would have very little value compared to a 25 year old woman, so she could stay lonely for her whole life. That's just evil and ignorant from my perspective to do that.

Edited July 24, 2018 by Viking

[LoNatural]

The greater your looks and status the less effort you´ll have to put in your relationships, I would just focus on that till you excelled on those, specially status (career, social circle...)

[DavidBorja]

24 y.o. here, and I've been through a little casual sex with men, and two committed relationships (still in a committed relationship just over 2 years). I'll say that both casual sex and committed relationships take a lot of time and emotional labor, but some of the most profound lessons I've learned about myself have been because of intimate relationships. Lessons learned from good relationships and bad relationships. Through my intimate (and even friendly) relationships, I've worked through a host of social anxieties. I've learned by participating in these dynamics, not by telling myself "I'll try them when I get to my 30s".

For me, working on relationships and my career through my 20s has been tough, but very rewarding. I don't think I would have been happy if I only put energy into my career, or only put energy into a relationship. I think the majority of people will balance between career and relationships. Especially once they have families.

I'm not watching all of the video of this guy, because he's using a ton of masculine norms to get his point across. Talking about using all your testosterone to fuel your drive to 'get shit done' is nice in theory, but I think his line of reasoning steers toward a lone-wolf stereotype that leads a lot of men deep into isolation, toxic competitiveness, and objectifying of women.

@Viking if you haven't had sex yet, go do that. It's fun, you'll develop some understanding of what's out there, and maybe you'll meet someone nice. Maybe you'll meet a well-adjusted girl who can respect your wants for a good career, and will give you the space to do that. If you can commit to quality time at least once a week, and communicating seriously at least once a day, you'll be fine. Or not! and you'll slowly find what works for you. You start to feel it when things are off, so keep listening to your feelings.

Also, plenty of women are sexually active for their entire life. The idea that you'd waste a girl's time if she spends her early 20s with you is ridiculous. If there's a concern about a girl not being attractive because "beauty is gone once a girl hits 30," that's just not true. This guy seems to have a pretty limited idea about what men and women are capable of, and what they can accomplish within a relationship.

A bro fidgeting with his beer at the table very clearly indicated to me that I'm not his target audience, lmao. Hope I'm making some sense.

Edited July 28, 2018 by DavidBorja

[Emerald]

@Viking I recommend not putting any prohibitions on yourself in regard to whether you have a relationship or not, considering the fact that you haven't had any experience with dating. Over-planning can drive you back into your head fretting about the uncertainties of the future and keeping yourself stunted in this facet of life. 

You're thinking too far ahead and deciding to bypass something that may be important to you in ways that you may not know, and you may end up shooting yourself in the foot and regretting it later. What you need is spontaneity and to no second-guess yourself too much.

And if you meet a girl that you want to have a relationship with, just play it by ear. You'll know what's right if and when you're in the situation. You can't possibly know what's right from the vantage point that you're at. It's all in abstract now for you because you haven't had any real experience.

Experience something concrete and you can make your decision then. 

[LoNatural]

That guy is really honest, one of the few "mgtows" that don´t seem to be bitter and spits some truths with compasion.