Erection disappears when I try to have sex

[Marinus]

So I have an embarrassing problem. Whenever I try to have sex with my girlfriend, I tend to overthink and then my sex drive is killed. My erection disappears and I start to worry about it, which doesn't help at all. This ruins sex for me and this makes it more like a psychological challenge then a pleasant experience. My girlfriend is very supportive about it, but this doesn't really help. When I'm alone my erections are normal and healthy, so it's only when having sex, or trying to have sex to be accurate. When I have intercourse, my erections tend to stay. Until now we had intercourse 4 times  and some attempts.

 

Would it help if I just keep trying until I feel comfortable enough or is there something else that I can try in order to enjoy it? It is really frustrating….

[pierce_the_heavens]

This happened to me before. I never really found a solution. The problem just  went away. I’m interested to hear a fix should this problem ever arise for me again. I think the biggest thing may be simply establishing comfort, having her in a way convince you that you don’t need to impress or or worry about performance and just be there with her. Like if you don’t stay erect don’t worry about it and just keep enjoying the intimacy 

[Marinus]

@pierce_the_heavens  Is this what you did until the problem got away? I think i'm indeed too hooked on to performance.

[Scholar]

Do you watch pornography/masturbate? If so give abstaining from it completely a chance.

[pierce_the_heavens]

Yeah, for a while I kind of just avoided sex. I was definitely too worried about my performance. For me, I think what helped it was this girl I was with who didn’t put any pressure on me, and was cool with just cuddling until I was ready or wasn’t ready instead of trying to help me get erect, which would only make me feel pressured. She showed no signs of annoyance, and seemed to really just want to be there with me. She made the whole thing just feel fun like it was no big deal. Since then, I haven’t had any problems with any partner. 

Also, perhaps you have some sexual repression issues, and some trauma you need to address? Always something to consider.

[Marinus]

@Scholar  Unfortunately I started watching again since I first had sex and I do masturbate.

@pierce_the_heavens Then I'll give this a shot. My girfriend fortunately doesn't pressure me, but I do pressure myself. I think I have some repressed feelings I think.

Edited July 24, 2018 by Marinus

[Scholar]

15 minutes ago, Marinus said:

@Scholar  Unfortunately I started watching again since I first had sex and I do masturbate.

@pierce_the_heavens Then I'll give this a shot. My girfriend fortunately doesn't pressure me, but I do pressure myself. I think I have some repressed feelings I think.

Then the decision is easy. Cease all pornography and masturbation, your girlfriend and yourself will be thankful for that.

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/

[SFRL]

1 hour ago, Marinus said:

So I have an embarrassing problem. Whenever I try to have sex with my girlfriend, I tend to overthink and then my sex drive is killed. My erection disappears and I start to worry about it, which doesn't help at all. This ruins sex for me and this makes it more like a psychological challenge then a pleasant experience. My girlfriend is very supportive about it, but this doesn't really help. When I'm alone my erections are normal and healthy, so it's only when having sex, or trying to have sex to be accurate. When I have intercourse, my erections tend to stay. Until now we had intercourse 4 times  and some attempts.

 

Would it help if I just keep trying until I feel comfortable enough or is there something else that I can try in order to enjoy it? It is really frustrating….

Hey man,

Last time you were asking for advice on here you were not getting any sex. Now you do.

So you are asking for advice and then you actually go ahead and do something with it. I like that. Possitive attitude man. 

Like others said jerking off too much doesn't help. 

Also start hitting the gym. Gives you a lot more energy. 

When you are in shape you will have better sex. If you are pounding away for instance and your ass starts cramping up that doesn't help. 

A guy in shape performs better then an out of shape guy. 

Edited July 24, 2018 by SFRL

[sargam]

2 hours ago, Marinus said:

So I have an embarrassing problem. Whenever I try to have sex with my girlfriend, I tend to overthink and then my sex drive is killed. My erection disappears and I start to worry about it, which doesn't help at all. This ruins sex for me and this makes it more like a psychological challenge then a pleasant experience. My girlfriend is very supportive about it, but this doesn't really help. When I'm alone my erections are normal and healthy, so it's only when having sex, or trying to have sex to be accurate. When I have intercourse, my erections tend to stay. Until now we had intercourse 4 times  and some attempts.

 

Would it help if I just keep trying until I feel comfortable enough or is there something else that I can try in order to enjoy it? It is really frustrating….

Hi Marinus,

First of all, I would suggest you relax and not become anxious. Forget the fact that performance is the prime motive.

The fact that your GF is supportive is to your advantage and you should spend more time exploring each others body.

I am sure your performance will improve over time.

Remember, the idea is not to run a sprint  while you have taken part in a  marathon.

Oh, and if you are trying to imitate the pornstars, you will keep getting disappointed.

[SFRL]

30 minutes ago, sargam said:

Hi Marinus,

First of all, I would suggest you relax and not become anxious. Forget the fact that performance is the prime motive.

 

31 minutes ago, sargam said:

The fact that your GF is supportive is to your advantage

Tic Tac

32 minutes ago, sargam said:

I am sure your performance will improve over time.

You can always get another one. Sometimes your mind, and your heart want the girl, but your body is like nah....you are like come on dude....little @Marinus is like nope!!

Some girls turn you on more then other girls from my experience.

34 minutes ago, sargam said:

Remember, the idea is not to run a sprint  while you have taken part in a  marathon.

 

0.o

35 minutes ago, sargam said:

Oh, and if you are trying to imitate the pornstars, you will keep getting disappointed.

Shoot for the moon even if you don't make it, you will land between the stars.

[Sick Boy]

I support Scholar suggestion, stop 100% masturbating and porn, this will help a lot.

I don't think you have porn induced erectyle disfunction, but stopping masturbating and porn will increase your libido and help you push through any anxiety you have.

[Lynnel]

@Marinus Take viagra. Do it once and then you'll get used to having sex and everything will be smooth and fine

[SFRL]

20 minutes ago, Lynnel said:

@Marinus Take viagra. Do it once and then you'll get used to having sex and everything will be smooth and fine

@Marinus yeah don't do that, you are like 18? You can damage your dick taking Viagra at your age. I am serious. 

You are either too nervous or not sexual compatible with that girl. It is what it is. 

Honestly when you only tried to have sex like 4 times you don't even know how too move your ass right yet. More practice. 

Edited July 25, 2018 by SFRL

[Lynnel]

5 minutes ago, SFRL said:

@Marinus yeah don't do that, you are like 18? You can damage your dick taking Viagra at your age. I am serious. 

You are either too nervous or not sexual compatible with that girl. It is what it is. 

Honestly when you only tried to have sex like 4 times you don't even know how too move your ass right yet. More practice. 

Viagra can damage your dick ? What ?

[SFRL]

39 minutes ago, Lynnel said:

Viagra can damage your dick ? What ?

You never heard that? Those young guys taking it 'just because' while they don't need it and then there is too much blood flow to their dick, too much pressure, and then they need to go to the hospital. 

Edited July 25, 2018 by SFRL

[ajasatya]

@Marinus how long's it been since you quit porn?

[Arkandeus]

a man can fail his performance and he should be allowed to live

[Lynnel]

1 hour ago, SFRL said:

You never heard that? Those young guys taking it 'just because' while they don't need it and then there is too much blood flow to their dick, too much pressure, and then they need to go to the hospital. 

I was twenty when I took it once and never had any problems after. I believe the only reason you should avoid it is heart problems.

Otherwise of course don't take too much, it doesn't rush blood to your penis, it simply dilates your blood flow and too much dilation MAY indeed lead to problems. Be careful as with everything

[SFRL]

@Marinus I forgot to mention, but instead of putting all the focus on your dick, practice ways to get her off. 

Get to licking her pussy (focus on her clit, not just the clit, but that's the prime spot) , and get good at that, lots of practice. You get good at that she will love you for it. 

Before you do anything else, go down on her. There are not too many guys who are good at that. 

Edited July 26, 2018 by SFRL

[Marinus]

@ajasatya   Not too long, a week at the moment. I had a period of 1 year when I didn't watch, but I used dating apps to chat with girls, which felt like a replacement.

On 26-7-2018 at 3:33 AM, SFRL said:

@Marinus practice ways to get her off. 

Get to licking her pussy (focus on her clit, not just the clit, but that's the prime spot) , and get good at that, lots of practice. You get good at that she will love you for it. 

Before you do anything else, go down on her. There are not too many guys who are good at that. 

Sounds like a great idea! Why aren't many guys not good at this?

@Scholar