Should I ask my girlfriend to get tested for STDs before we make love?

[shapeshifter]

I am a lesbian woman and I like girls and I am in a long distance relationship with a girl and she lives in another state and we love each other a lot madly. I think she is my soulmate and I wanna spend the rest of my life with her and so does she. So she is gonna visit me after a few months and we wanna make love. I don't know her from any family friends or mutual friends,I just randomly met her on Instagram and she said that she had relationships with two boys and one girl prior to me and I love her a lot and so does she. So I don't know that if she has HIV or not . So should I ask her to get tested before we make love?

And she will only visit me for 10 days on my holiday vacations so it is hard to get tested at that time because it takes 3 days for the results to come. So should I ask her to get tested in her State and only show me the reports?

And what should I do if she refuses to get tested when I ask her? 

Edited July 23, 2018 by shapeshifter

[Emerald]

I would express to her your concerns and be really honest. But do so in a way that emphasizes that it's just your paranoia and not meant in a way that shames her for her past. Then, let her know that it would just put your mind at ease if she did that, and that you want to be able to let go of that worry when you're intimate with her. She will probably understand and not take it personally. I was worried about that before I lost my virginity and later relaxed a little with it when I became intimate with my long term partners. I think it's really common, and she probably has had similar worries in the past. But you know it is better safe than sorry. And you'll probably not want concerns like that circulating around in your mind, because it might ruin the experience. 

Edited July 23, 2018 by Emerald

[Samra]

Tell her you are doing  a test for her, and appreciate if she does it for you. If she likes you she will do it, even if it's uncomfortable. And go do one yourself

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, Samra said:

Tell her you are doing  a test for her, and appreciate if she does it for you. If she likes you she will do it, even if it's uncomfortable. And go do one yourself

You are right. I am a virgin so should I take the test as well?

[shapeshifter]

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

I would express to her your concerns and be really honest. But do so in a way that emphasizes that it's just your paranoia and not meant in a way that shames her for her past. Then, let her know that it would just put your mind at ease if she did that, and that you want to be able to let go of that worry when you're intimate with her. She will probably understand and not take it personally. I was worried about that before I lost my virginity and later relaxed a little with it when I became intimate with my long term partners. I think it's really common, and she probably has had similar worries in the past. But you know it is better safe than sorry. And you'll probably not want concerns like that circulating around in your mind, because it might ruin the experience. 

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

I would express to her your concerns and be really honest. But do so in a way that emphasizes that it's just your paranoia and not meant in a way that shames her for her past. Then, let her know that it would just put your mind at ease if she did that, and that you want to be able to let go of that worry when you're intimate with her. She will probably understand and not take it personally. I was worried about that before I lost my virginity and later relaxed a little with it when I became intimate with my long term partners. I think it's really common, and she probably has had similar worries in the past. But you know it is better safe than sorry. And you'll probably not want concerns like that circulating around in your mind, because it might ruin the experience. 

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

I would express to her your concerns and be really honest. But do so in a way that emphasizes that it's just your paranoia and not meant in a way that shames her for her past. Then, let her know that it would just put your mind at ease if she did that, and that you want to be able to let go of that worry when you're intimate with her. She will probably understand and not take it personally. I was worried about that before I lost my virginity and later relaxed a little with it when I became intimate with my long term partners. I think it's really common, and she probably has had similar worries in the past. But you know it is better safe than sorry. And you'll probably not want concerns like that circulating around in your mind, because it might ruin the experience. 

If she refuses to take the test then should I make love with her or not?

[Samra]

If you are a virgin, then give her the option. Tell her the truth that you are virgin, but if this makes her more comfortable, you wouldn't mind. Doing blood tests from time to time is a good thing anyways. I honestly don't think she would mind as much as you think she would

[shapeshifter]

54 minutes ago, Samra said:

If you are a virgin, then give her the option. Tell her the truth that you are virgin, but if this makes her more comfortable, you wouldn't mind. Doing blood tests from time to time is a good thing anyways. I honestly don't think she would mind as much as you think she would

I told her that I am a virgin but I didn't ask her if she wanna take the test but when I told her that I wanna take the test then she said that why should I even take the test when am a virgin. I am really worried that what if she get offended if I ask her to get tested?

[Samra]

Well this is getting out of control fast. At this point it's up to you. I think wording it properly would have been good. But it's okay. Just be honest. Say you will be more comfortable if she do it. If she doesn't for whatever reason,then it's up to you. The responsibility and choice is with you.

[Sevi]

7 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

I told her that I am a virgin but I didn't ask her if she wanna take the test but when I told her that I wanna take the test then she said that why should I even take the test when am a virgin. I am really worried that what if she get offended if I ask her to get tested?

Don't be worried this much, she'll be happy to provide safety and peace of mind for you, especially if she really is your mate as you sensed so. But in order to comfort you and make you happy; she has a right to know that you are stressing this much. Open yourself gently to her so you both can start to build something solid and healthy together. Also the reason she had said so to you, might be not to cause you unnecessary tasks since in your case it's not a necessity.

[Lynnel]

@shapeshifter

In my country you go take STD test together and show them to each other before you get into a relationship. Part of the culture

[Hello from Russia]

3 hours ago, Lynnel said:

@shapeshifter

In my country you go take STD test together and show them to each other before you get into a relationship. Part of the culture

What country is it?

[Lynnel]

@Hello from Russia Belgium.

[wpw]

@shapeshifter   go get a test yourself and extend your girlfriend the same reassurance, then say something like I hey I got tested so you don't have to worry about STD's would you mind doing the same? 

I was in a long distance relationship and I did this for my girlfriend 

Even if you're a virgin, it's good practice to go get tested anyway just for the experience. You'll do it in the future, won't you?  I'd just go and do it, then tell her. 

 

 

Edited July 24, 2018 by wpw

[Emerald]

19 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

If she refuses to take the test then should I make love with her or not?

She probably won't refuse. But I guess the answer is not to do anything that's going to make you uncomfortable. If you're pre-occupied with that worry, you won't really be able to let go and enjoy the intimacy.

So, because you probably want to have a sexual experience with her to be in the moment and enjoy it, and because you probably will be too worried to let go and enjoy it if you don't know her STD status, then it makes sense not to do it. 

[shapeshifter]

Thanks everyone for replying and I was worrying unnecessarily. She did the test for me the day after I asked her and she sent me the reports and she is HIV negative. I am so happy and she said she could do anything for me ?

On 7/23/2018 at 3:54 PM, Feel Good said:

 

Edited July 26, 2018 by shapeshifter

[JohnIsDoe]

Great news:D

Edited July 27, 2018 by JohnIsDoe

[Michael569]

Yes but make sure both of you do it at the same time. 

[Sevi]

@shapeshifter congrats??