No Confidence In Relationships

[CuteCornDog]

21 hours ago, DavidBorja said:

As long as you see people as a useable resource, you'll keep being frustrated by relationships. What are your interests? Maybe tapping into those will heal you more than forcing yourself to hang out with people if you're stuck in pessimism about the interactions.

Having interests and engaging them is really important for mental health and self worth. When you have those in place, you might feel yourself more "ready" to be around other people, because you won't need them to entertain you; you already know how to entertain yourself. Then you're a little bit more present to actually connecting with them about their life, interests, opinions, etc.

Also, you seem to have an argumentative streak and are discounting what people are saying in this thread. If you spend a lof of your time focusing on what people are saying that you think is wrong, instead of trying to find what you might agree with, you'll continue pushing people away. Online and in person.

Further, if people hurt you in the past, take a look at the Limiting Beliefs episode Leo shot a while back. It had some powerful questions regarding how we limit  ourselves as a form of self protection. I think what you've gone through fits the bill perfectly.

Lastly I'll quickly say that I've gone through similar issues myself. Struggling a lot with thoughts of "But what will people think of me! It's safer to just stay alone." That works short term for soul searching and healing. I found over time that some of my happiest moments have always been in the presence of other people, and my personal successes are only sweetened when I have close friends to cheer me on.

Hope that makes sense or helps in some way.

The first paragraph makes sense.

The second paragraph makes sense too.

As for the third paragraph, it seems like everyone on this board has something bad to say in response to me. I didn't expect that when I signed up. I expected people to be more understanding. Not to treat me badly.

I don't have anything else to say.

 

[Osm]

2 hours ago, CuteCornDog said:

it seems like everyone on this board has something bad to say in response to me. I didn't expect that when I signed up. I expected people to be more understanding. Not to treat me badly.

Sometimes the truth cant be said in any other way.

maybe the more it hurts the more they're touching the wounds?

[CuteCornDog]

On 7/31/2018 at 11:26 AM, Osm said:

Sometimes the truth cant be said in any other way.

maybe the more it hurts the more they're touching the wounds?

I thought people on here were going to be encouraging.

Not reinforce negativity.

[Truth]

On 7/31/2018 at 7:08 AM, CuteCornDog said:

As for the third paragraph, it seems like everyone on this board has something bad to say in response to me. I didn't expect that when I signed up. I expected people to be more understanding. Not to treat me badly.

If you interpret what people say/do as negative/bad then that's what it will be. Ever consider your interpretations of what you're reading from others could be the cause of your lack of confidence in relationships? 

Quote

Also, you seem to have an argumentative streak and are discounting what people are saying in this thread. If you spend a lof of your time focusing on what people are saying that you think is wrong, instead of trying to find what you might agree with, you'll continue pushing people away. Online and in person.

@CuteCornDogIn other words, are you aware of your own interpretations? Do you question your interpretations at all? or do you just see it as bad? Start questioning the "bad/negative" otherwise you're not gonna be able to take in the advice/constructive criticism (to help you grow and overcome this issue once and for all) and it's just gonna go through one ear and out the other.

Edited August 3, 2018 by Truth

[Emerald]

On 7/21/2018 at 3:16 AM, CuteCornDog said:

I see relationships and humans as worthless except for stuff that's sexual.

Seven years ago, I wasn't this way.

I got along a lot better with people when I was younger and wasn't judgmental.

What happened was that I cared about people that ended up taking advantage of me and lost my confidence when those relationships ended.

“Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.”

What has happened is that over the years, you've grown more and more restricted and cut off by your ideas about who you are and the way things work. 

Imagine that there is a light (the light of innocence), and that light never goes out. But as you grow older more and more thoughts, ideas, and beliefs get caked up on top of that light. And sometimes if it's really bad, you won't be able to see the light at all. 

Now, it's always there. It always will be there. But it's going to take either ego transcendence or extensive practice with reintegration (shadow work, contemplation, meditation).

But sexual feelings are intense. And they are the closest thing to ecstasy that we can experience from any degree of light blockage. So, it's not a wonder that the only thing you care about now is sex. 

But in seeking sex, what you are really seeking is to have a connection with being and to live as your full self, and to have the light of innocence become conscious once more. 

[CuteCornDog]

On 8/3/2018 at 4:51 PM, Feel Good said:

@CuteCornDog

Why are you on here taking what people personally and not doing the shadow work? 

You asked for advice by coming here and posting. 

Soooo....take responsibility for your problem and get to work. 

Use Leo's videos and actually knuckle down first and then come and post your questions or insights. Do something for yourself and try not to play the victim. 

Sending love to you!  

I didn't come on here to do school work.

As for taking what people say personally and playing the victim, you seriously don't realize how traumatized I am from everything that's ever happened to me. This board has been the exact opposite of helpful since the day I signed up for it.